This is one of those “I can’t believe I missed this” posts. Last week I posted a collection of business cards – and then this week on Rove I saw this clip. A guy who is serious about business cards – and his personal card costs $4 a pop.
And then, this gem, from actor/comedian Steve Martin. Nothing like a personal touch…
Picking a topic is fairly easy. There are four recognised sub-categories in the self-help market. These are: mind, body, soul and status. The relationship between these categories, when it comes to self-help writing, can best be explained by this diagram:
Figure 1.1 A diagrammatical representation of the 4 categories of self-improvement.
As you can see, each circle represents one of the categories for self-improvement. There is a natural overlap between categories. In fact, the more overlaps you can manage the more successful your book is likely to be. The ideal area of this diagram, or the self-help bull’s-eye is shown in this diagram:
Figure 1.2 The coloured in area is the “self-help bull’s-eye.
Like in darts, the further you move from the bull’s-eye the lower your score will be. Another secret for picking a successful topic is being aware of current trends. The recent real-estate bubble is a prime example of a good bandwagon to jump onto. Another current issue, which appears to be under represented in the self-help market, is the boom in the fresh fruit juice industry. Franchises like Juice BoostTM are being set up all over the country.
This is clever. Very clever.
French prankster Remi Gallard has won a couple of nathanintownsville guernseys* in the past for his outrageous stunts. Today he wins a feature for his real life Pacman efforts – the funniest I’ve seen so far (real life Pacmans that is). Especially when he eats someone’s golf ball for a power-up. There’s a subtitled language warning hear (and possibly a spoken one too – I didn’t have the sound on)… but it’s funny. And thematically appropriate…
Producers of news programming in particular – and those who force clips from “…’s got talent” down our throats in the specific.
I don’t watch these shows. I choose not to. I am sick of seeing contestants who needed the platform your show provided paraded before my eyes everywhere I look. They are not news. They are not a “reason to hope” in these gloomy times any more than a lottery winner. They are the products of a vociferous, voracious, voyeuristic viewership – a body I do not wish to belong to.
Leave me alone. Keep your singing cat ladies to yourselves and viewers who have a nominal penchant for these trivialities.
I do not want your singing spam, I do not want them Sam I am.
That is all.
The book bestseller lists in the last few years have been dominated by works of non-fiction. This shouldn’t come as a surprise, as pieces of non-fiction, creative or otherwise, are much easier to write than a novel. Rather than relying on creativity and conventions of narrative, like plot, description and characterisation, non-fiction writers can rely on careful research, experience and the ability to string a cohesive sentence together – never suffer from writer’s block again. Writing is much easier when you don’t have to use your imagination.
While this trend has been worrying to many novelists, the news isn’t all bad. Books in the “self-help” genre have been selling particularly well. The self-help market requires very little research and a writer can achieve success with only a small amount of expertise and a lot of creativity. For those frustrated creative writers out there this piece should be seen as a guide to finding success in the dog-eat-dog world of self-help writing.
The most important thing to have in any industry is a plan. The fewer steps involved in the plan the more efficient and impressive it sounds. However, finding a balance between too much and too little is a very exact science, while a five step plan sounds impressive and well rounded, a two step plan looks like you just haven’t put enough thought into things. Here is this writer’s six step guide to writing a self-help book.
Step 1 – Picking a topic
Step 2 – Choosing a title
Step 3 – Establishing your credentials
Step 4 – Writing the book
Step 5 – Designing the Cover
Step 6 – Getting published
I often make promises here that fall by the wayside – like a post listing all my best posts. That’s turning out to be a bigger ask than I thought… anyway, last week I mentioned I’d follow up my self help guide to taking over the world with a self help guide to self help writing. And here it comes. One post a day for five days.
One of my favourite EA sports games was the Rugby League 96 game featuring commentary from Channel 9’s commentary team – with no Phil Gould. I hate Phil Gould (except when he’s coaching NSW). One of Paul Vautin’s frequent pieces of commentary advice was for people who did something stupid to “give themselves an uppercut”. This guy took that advice literally…
Generally speaking I’m not a big fan of Christian music. Usually because it’s a cheap and nasty rip off of perfectly acceptable (if not sanctified) secular music tailored to a gullible Christian audience who will fork out money for poor quality material thus perpetuating the existence of bad Christian music by creating a market for it. Wake up people. Stop buying bad Christian music just because it’s Christian.
Here’s some of the baddest Christian music ever released (at least judged by the album art) – while these are all thankfully stuck in the past there are modern equivalents who were no doubt performing at Easter Fest over the weekend. And will be turning up at a Youth Alive event near you.
I wanted to follow up my post on humility with a reference to possibly the most arrogant Christian brochure I’ve ever read – where a guest speaker – a youth worker from Townsville – was hailed as a “voice of a generation” and a “once in a lifetime evangelist” – and I’d never heard of him. And I live in Townsville. But instead you get these.
And – if you like the heading of this post you can get it as a shirt from the Red Vs Blue store.
If a man passes wind in his office chair and Twitter is there to hear it – would you listen?
One of the things I was taught at uni was that a lot of technological innovation is driven by the adult entertainment industry. Video cassettes, the Internet, and glossy magazine printing technology have all benefited from hundreds of millions (perhaps billions) of dollars of investment from the industry. I thought that was interesting.
I also think it’s interesting that in the “open source” era so many applications of new technology are being driven by toilet humour. Particularly a fascination with flatulence. One of the most downloaded iPhone applications (and I don’t have it) is iFart – it’s basically a portable whoopie cushion with the full natural gas sound spectrum available at the push of a button. Enlightening. Really. It says so much about the human condition.
I’m delighted today to have discovered an all new low in the use of technology for the purposes of toilet humour… Here’s a description:
The Twittering office chair “tweets” (posts a Twitter update) upon the detection of natural gas such as that produced by human flatulence. This is part of my commitment to accurately document and share my life as it happens.
Here’s the detailed instructions for how to build your own… and here’s the OfficeChair’s Twitter account so you can follow the farts in real time. Hooray.
There is a new Gomez album out. It’s titled “A New Tide”. You should most definitely get a copy. Unless three part harmonies sung over the top of complex multilayered melodies and infused with a bit of alt.country banjo isn’t your thing. Then you should probably go listen to something else.
On the first listen this sounds like a bit of a mix of old Gomez and more recent Gomez – with a bit of Athlete thrown into the mix. But they’re a band who are notoriously difficult to pigeon hole with categorical certainty.
It really is most excellent. And they maintain their position on the top of the pile of my current favourite bands.
The new Augie March CD is also worth a spin. But that’s probably something I should have mentioned a few weeks ago.
US designer Dan Meth received much kudos for his map of US sitcoms. I posted about it here. It was a nice idea and it’s good to see it replicated for British comedies – because everyone knows that British comedies are superior.
Here’s the intro post from the designer of this most fantastic map.
I sometimes wonder why some people I respect in real life, and who show all the hallmarks of humility have such arrogant online profiles or personal webpages.
I won’t link to them – but as a general rule they’re as good as they say they are. It just seems a little arrogant to claim to be as good as you are – though I was accused recently of being a typical Australian with tall poppy tendencies – so maybe that’s it.
I wonder if having an online brand blows the idea of humility out of the water. Certainly social media encourage talking about yourself in the third person – but the fact that you feel compelled to write a bio of yourself on your webpage highlighting your field of expertise does not lend itself to humility.
That is all.
Ok, ok, so I might be going overboard with my enthusiasm on the Simon and Garfunkel reunion – but humour me. A toll road is not a bridge. But it’s close.
Have you heard the story about Nick Bolton. He’s the shareholder threatening progress on Australia’s biggest infrastructure project.
Nicholas Bolton - From the SMH
Not to be deterred – or overly concerned about the looming $94 million payment he’ll have to make – Nick is trying to close down the company. He’s almost a majority shareholder – and there are others who are in the same boat.
He’s currently in court. It’s a funny story. Shame he doesn’t listen to Muse. Their lyrics may prove prophetic in his case. Ahh Muse. They’ve got a song for all seasons…
“take, take all you need
and i’ll compensate your greed
with broken hearts…”“Say, it’ll make you insane
and it’s bending the truth
you’re to blame
for all the life that you’ll lose and
you watch this space
but i’m going all the way
and be your slave to the grave”
– Lyrics from The Small Print, by Muse