The chips are down

I have made passing reference to the fact that I engage in a series of emailed conversations with my friends Ben, Paul and James. These conversations keep me sane. James was the guy who looked like the guy who eats scorpions – although if like me your workplace blocks Facebook there’s only one photo in that post so you’ll just have to picture him as that guy with the scorpions. Ben has been written about so many times that his name appears as one of the most used tags on this site. Paul, well, you don’t want to see a photo of Paul or have me talk much about him. Lets just call him a man of mystery.

Anyway, today’s discussions rest on potato chips – well that and the infinitely more painful subject of how cool iPhones are. That’s painful for me. I don’t have one. More specifically we’re discussing the superior brand and variety of potato chip.

Based solely on brand and not taking flavour into account my list is as follows*:

1. Pringles
2. Tasty Jacks
3. Red Rock Deli
4. Kettles
5. Smiths crinkle cut

*Potato chips only – doritos and CCs are a different category entirely.

Any advances on this list? Favourite flavours that I should consider in expanding the list to include finer details?

February 2, 2009

Life in the Tropics


“Life in the Tropics” is our tagline for tourism and relocation promotion here in the ‘ville. It’s one of those suitably generic lines that is meant to be partly aspirational and partly functional. I don’t like it. I do like life in the tropics. We have water, sunshine and temperate winters. And air conditioning. Suffer in your jocks Melbournians (literally).

There are plenty of bad things that come along with the good. When I moved here an ex-Townsvillian friend from Brisbane warned me of several of them. Lets just call her Donna. That’s her real name. She told me that if the crocodiles, stingers, tropical diseases, cyclones, or sunshine didn’t kill me – I’d probably die due to lack of water. She said “it never rains in Townsville”…

For two many years Townsville was known as Brownsville. See what I did there. Two instead of too. I did that on purpose. Townsville started receiving pretty regular rain, and looking green all round, for a couple of years before the rest of the world caught on. Townsville is actually nice. And we have secured water supply. More than four times the size of Sydney Harbour.

What we no longer have is the 300 days of sunshine we claim in our marketing material. There is no way that’s true. Well, it might be, depending on your definition of “sunshine”… I think it rained on about 90 days in my first full year here. And it has rained pretty regularly since.

But I digress. I can put up with that sort of hyperbolic description of tropical life from a jaded ex-resident trying to scare me. But when the same sort of thing comes from a Channel Ten reporter bundling all of those together in the name of “news” I get upset. It creates work for me for one, and number two – it’s shoddy reporting.

So reporters of the world – you can’t have it both ways. Townsville can’t be “brownsville” on one hand and a flooding tropical metropolis on the other.

I don’t even know why I wrote this post. But it was cathartic.

February 2, 2009

My head hurts

So I’ve got this headache. It may be because I’m still sick. It may be because I don’t drink enough water. But it could also be a “barometric headache” – a headache due to atmospheric pressure – particularly due to low pressure.

It sounds unbelievable. But also makes  sense. Weather and conditions should have some impact on our health. I do have a scar on my thumb that gets itchy ahead of rain. It’s probably something to do with changing humidity levels or something like that…

But I’ve got to ask – does anybody have any weird weather induced conditions? Pre-rain itches and the like…

February 2, 2009

The best bits – February 2, 2009

Here’s what has excited me from the blogosphere today.

February 2, 2009

Superman drowned by novelty phone booth


Picture this. There’s a baby hanging from the window of a burning building. Clark Kent is looking for a phone booth to whip out his inner superhero. And all that’s left on the streets of Metropolis are novelty phone booths like the above. Superheroes everywhere are scratching their heads.
Courtesy of Dvice.

February 1, 2009

The perfect storm name

One last cyclone post. I don’t understand why the weather bureau picks such innocuous names for storms – is it to create an undue sense of ease? Who gets scared by the impending arrival of Larry, Norbert, Katrina or Ellie?

If the Bureau of Meteorology really wanted us to respond accordingly to their warnings they should rebrand cyclones as something to be feared.

I know cyclones are named in alphabetical order and in alternate genders – but the list needs refining. 

They should be called Jezebel, Genghis, Adolf, Josef, Saddam and Julius – intimidating names that inspire pictures of destruction.

February 1, 2009

An ‘Ellie of a storm

EDIT: Looks like BOM have removed Ellie’s tracking image thing. So there’s no image for you to watch anymore.

That heading is bad. Really bad. If you didn’t bother reading to the end of my last post, and haven’t been listening to your local ABC today – you may not be aware there’s a cyclone coming for North Queensland. It’s no big deal. Unless you haven’t been in a cyclone before, then perhaps you should tape up your windows, fill your baths with water (unless they’re outdoors – then there’s a dengue risk), buy lots of canned food, batteries and candles (although you should read this first).

What I think is particularly funny about cyclones is what it reveals about the inner psyche of North Queensland. North Queensland is demographically bi-polar. A 50/50 split between “locals” (those who have been here all their lives, or for longer than 20 years) and us “ring ins” who are here for a couple of years of “career progression” only to pull up stumps and leave. Townsville has a massively transient population thanks to the army, the university and the mining industry. It makes for an interesting dynamic all year round – but particularly when there’s a storm brewing. 

There are two reactions to a cyclone’s impending intersection with the coast line. The understated approach, preferred by locals, where you insult “ring ins” for making a fuss. Point out “this is only a category one”. We’ve been through much bigger before. Pick up potential flying objects from your yard, and go about your daily business almost as usual. 

The other reaction is what leads to mile long lines at the grocery store and a region wide shortage of milk and survival equiptment. 

I subscribe to my friends Facebook status updates via RSS (which is pretty cool because it gets around the workplace Facebook ban) – and I’m thinking that I might collate responses to cyclone related Facebook status updates to use social networking to report impending disaster – that’s the done thing these days. What do you think Facebook friends/blog readers? Is this a horrible invasion of your privacy – I’m looking at you Leah and Stuss.

February 1, 2009

The Internet is out to get you…

So says Google. Who today, for a brief moment, applied their “content may harm your computer” disclaimer to every result. Even Google, as noted in the Flickr image below…

It’s the ultimate catch all disclaimer. Any website may harm your computer. It’s not surprising that Google have made this strategic decision to avoid law suits. The Bureau of Meteorology has been doing the same thing for years – issuing severe storm warnings at the drop of a hat, just to avoid liability when a storm hits and people weren’t ready.

Incidentally, there’s a category one cyclone bearing down on North Queensland. Batten the hatches. It’s a big one. Maybe. It will hit sometime tomorrow. Maybe. It will intensify. Maybe. You have been warned.

Now is an appropriate time to panic. It’s what everyone else is doing. The mob mentality means massive queues have formed at local shops as people stock up on supplies. Tropical Cyclone Ellie is not even predicted to come that close to Townsville and it’s not particularly likely that flooding will cut of access here at this point in time. Unlike in Cairns. They should panic buy. Who’d want to live there.

Now that I’ve said all this the cyclone will either hit Townsville directly, or by some quirk all the rain it brings will cut off road access and we’ll run out of milk by Tuesday. Better hit the shops. Just in case. And remember. You have been warned. This site may harm your computer.

February 1, 2009

The best bits – February 1, 2009

Here's what has excited me from the blogosphere today.

  • Gears Of War PC Hits Expiration Date

    • Proof that game companies hate customers. And further proof that Tetris on Facebook is the best gaming option out there.

  • Create Your Own Bokeh for Beautiful Photo Effects [Photography]

    • Just to clarify…br”What’s a bokeh you say? It’s that oh-so-wonderful fuzziness in the background of photographs with a shallow depth of field and accompanying starry highlights. You can create you own bokeh effects with a little craftiness. The term bokeh is an anglicized version of a Japanese word used to describe the portion of a photograph that is out of focus behind the area of principal focus in a picture. When you see a portrait that has a creamy soft background and a nice crisp focus on the person being photographed, you are seeing bokeh. The shape of the highlights—sometimes round, hexagonal or other geometric shapes—is determined by the shape of the aperture in the lens”

  • If DaVinci invented the iPhone

February 1, 2009

Corporate coffee

Pretty funny corporate dig at elite coffee culture. It’s just a shame that Macca’s coffee is often not so hot, precisely because it’s too hot.

So much of what they do is actually alright. If McDonalds was serious about coffee they’d have properly trained people, not machines turning out their coffee. 

What Maccas do right:

1. The beans are “rainforest alliance” – which is a much better form of fair trade.

2. They grind on consumption – unlike some “cafes”.

3. They turn over beans pretty quickly which means they’re unlikely to be stale.

4. Superauto machines turn out a consistent product.

Point 4 is positive and negative. Superautos produce a product below the quality of hand crafted coffee. A barista finetuning the grind to meet the conditions will produce a better coffee every time. Maccas mass produced approach will also fall short of the quality a cafe using freshly roasted (in house) beans will produce. But it is consistent. Unfortunately the only inconsistency is caused by their high school aged coffee producers (they’re not baristas). Coffee extraction occurs at the push of a button. But the frothing is still manual. And too often the McCafe-ers are guilty of frothing the milk to the boiling point of water (milk boils and loses its pleasant flavour at about 65 degrees).

If you can find a McCafe that doesn’t burn the milk you’ve got it made now that McDonalds has introduced free wireless nation wide.

January 31, 2009

The best bits – January 31, 2009

Here's what has excited me from the blogosphere today.

January 31, 2009

Obamicon

It seems like just last week I was telling my dad that someone should create an Obama hope poster effect creator. And you know what. They have. Here.

January 31, 2009

Mind your own beeswax

Tim suggested I write about a link between candles and climate change. I can do better than that.

Every year, at around this time, climate change hippies call on us to cut down on carbon consumption by switching off our lights. Unfortunately, this is largely counter productive. As it encourages the use of candles. Everybody knows candles are only to be used for the following reasons:

a) Electrical emergencies
b) birthday cakes
c) romantic dinners
d) to light fuses of things you’re going to blow up
e) religious ceremonies if you’re a Catholic or High Anglican.

Any other reason, say aesthetics, or salving your crushed eco-conscience is right out. Earth Hour is a PR stunt. It doesn’t actually do anything. I don’t know Jennifer Mahoney – I don’t know what her qualifications are. But she’s a primary source whose findings match nicely with the objectives of this post – so I’ll share these quotes from her less than objective site and a post on earth hour.

“[the first] Earth Hour was held during a time of peak electrical load, so any electricity generation displaced would be peak load, probably running on natural gas. Such generation produces about 500 grams of CO2 for every kilowatt-hour.”

Whoops.

“So turning a 100 watt light bulb off for an hour saves 50 grams of CO2, or 13 grams of carbon. A candle is mostly carbon by weight, and candle wax is only moderately less dense than water at room temperature. This means that burning just 5 cm of a typical 2 cm diameter candle will produce more CO2 than running the 100 watt light bulb for an hour. If the light that was turned off is fluorescent, then even less candle can be burned if there’s to be a net reduction in CO2.”

Double whoops. Candles are not only moderately effeminate – they’re also bad for the environment.

I’ve written a little about Colony Collapse Disorder and the impending doom of the US Ice Cream industry.

 Climate Change is killing bees. All over the world Queen bees are left to their own devices. They can’t save themselves. The finely balanced eco-system is on the brink of decay. Seriously.

 Colony Collapse Disorder could well be climate change’s most significant impact. You think the global financial crisis that was caused by the sub prime mortgage collapse is a bad thing? That collapse has nothing on colony collapse. Do you have any idea the staggering number of US products made with honey as an ingredient? Millions. Literally. Ok, I made that up. But there’d be a lot. Whole product lines will have to close down. Hokey Pokey Ice-cream… popular breakfast cereals… not to mention honey jumbles… this is a big deal.

But you know what else is under threat. We’ve covered the economy, the world’s bee population, the breakfasts of champions… but wait, there’s more. Candles. Genuine beeswax candles will be a thing of the past. And WE’RE BURNING THEM. Well not me. I wouldn’t (except for the aforementioned acceptable reasons). I’m straight. I’m not a candle kind of guy. But YOU are burning them. You know who you are. And not only are you killing the environment – you’re adding to the relative scarcity of wax products and driving up prices.

If bees die out wax will become a much sought after commodity. Prices will skyrocket. How then will Maddam Tussauds produce their ecclectic range of affordable wax based entertainment? You are burning the chances of future British Royals to bee(sic) immortalised in wax. What would Kate Middleton say? Other than “stop burning those candles”. Heathen.

So what should we be doing with candles you ask? Since we can only light them on particular occasions for specific reasons. Good question. Bank them. Wait for the stupidity of others to create a candle currency – a trade in what will soon be earth’s most valuable commodity. Victoria Beckham will thank you when Maddam Tussauds are able to incorporate her new hair extensions into her waxy self. 

Wax banks could be hives of activity. Alternatively you could put your candles in a cupboard and mind your own beeswax. Still you don’t want to be court in a bee sting – or in some honey pot of wax corruption so perhaps it’s just best for you to steer clear of candles altogether. Leave them to misguided hippies and go about your daily business.

January 31, 2009

Overclocking

Geeks love overclocking. Making their computers more hardcore than the out of the box version. 

My wife loves this clock. And geeks will too. $US20 from Etsy. Found via Boing Boing. 

January 30, 2009

No comment

Dear Readers,

I don’t like to beg. Really. It is so unbecoming. Desperate even.

I’m getting more visitors than ever before to this blog. And less comments. 

Why don’t you comment? Don’t you love me? Am I boring you?

It’s really not that hard to comment. Is it? You don’t even have to have anything useful to say. Is it because I used to insult commenters I disagreed with? I’m a changed man. Promise. Try me. 

I do get a lot of comments from people trying to sell Xanax and viagra. But that’s no good for the self esteem.

It makes me sad. 

Is there a topic that would evoke more comments? Something that would generate a “buzz” or some controversy maybe?

That’s enough grovelling for now. And pandering. Don’t make me use my sad eyes.

January 30, 2009