Tag: How To

How to serve a community during a flood

I was talking to my friend Mike O’Connor on Facebook today. Mike is the minister of the Presbyterian Church in Rockhampton. And I love the way he thinks about how to serve and engage the Rocky community. He’s got a good eye for a media story and keeps Christianity on the agenda in a positive way.

I’ve been watching on Facebook as the Rockhampton flood situation unravelled. Mike has been on the front foot the whole time. And the stuff they’re doing up there, with help from his network of friends around the country, is pretty phenomenal.

Here’s a little video they put together:

Here’s what they’ve got on the agenda as a church so far as Rocky continues to deal with current flooding, and future clean up. From Mike:

What they’re doing
1. We have become the child care facility for anyone wanting to have their kids minded during the clean up
1.a We are going to do evening BBQ to feed people when they pick up their kids
2. We were GIVEN 5 chest freezers (new) yesterday to freeze meals to give to people and when we’re done we can give the freezers away.
3. We are still organising a team of people who can just labour – door knocking an area to assist people in the clean up.
already in place and set to roll when the waters go down.
4. Obviously helping people from church flooded in.

How you can help

This sounds like a CMS ad – but you can help by praying, giving, or going.

  1. Pray for the Rockhampton Church as they seek to serve their city.
  2. There was a team from Brisbane lined up to come to Rockhampton to help – their status is now “unsure.” If you’ve got some spare time in the next weeks or months, and would consider travelling to tropical North Queensland to help out – let me know, and I’ll pass your details on to Mike. They’re particularly interested in hearing from tradesmen of all varieties. Especially electricians – who need to certify each house. But they’ll take anybody.
  3. Give money…

You can give money to the Presbyterian Church’s Flood appeal by Direct Debit:

Presbyterian Church of Queensland
Westpac Bank
BSB 034 010
Account No 131237

January 13, 2011

How to make the man in your life tuck his shirts in

Old advice, but good advice…

From a book of tips and tricks submitted to a radio show in ages past, found at Questionable Advice.

November 2, 2010

How to run two columns with different categories using a second WordPress Loop

Regular readers can ignore this post. This is for google. And in case I want to go back to running two separate columns of content on any other sites. I’ve decided to fold my curiosities category back into the regular run of the mill posts.

Pulling a category out of the main loop is pretty easy. It just takes a query posts loop with a nice and easy “exclude” command, excluding categories by their numerical ID (which you find by going to your categories page and clicking on the category and looking at the number in the URL).

Here’s the code for the loop for the main column.

<?php if (is_home()){$paged = (get_query_var('paged')) ? get_query_var('paged') : 1;
query_posts("cat=-655,-4811&paged=$paged");}?>
<?php if (is_page()) {$paged = (get_query_var('paged')) ? get_query_var('paged') : 1;
query_posts("cat=-655,-4811&paged=$paged");}?>

The loop for the sidebar looks a little something like this. It should produce results that give you a different output based on the page you’re looking at (so you won’t get the same ten sidebar posts on every page).

<?php if (is_home()){$paged = (get_query_var('paged')) ? get_query_var('paged') : 1; $myPosts = new WP_Query();
$myPosts->query('showposts=10&cat=11'.'&paged='.$paged);} ?>
<?php if (is_page()){$paged = (get_query_var('paged')) ? get_query_var('paged') : 1; $myPosts = new WP_Query();
$myPosts->query('showposts=10&cat=11'.'&paged='.$paged);} ?>
<?php while ($myPosts->have_posts()) : $myPosts->the_post(); ?>

<div>
<h2><a href=”<?php the_permalink();?>” title=”<?php the_title();?>”><?php the_title(); ?></a></h2>
<div>
<em>Posted by</em> <?php the_author_posts_link(); ?> </div>

<?php the_content();?>

October 19, 2010

Some rules for jokes in speeches

If ever you’re writing a speech and want to include some jokes – here are some handy tips from the political realm that transfer nicely into any public speaking. It’s from an American context – but the rules still apply for making jokes and maintaining dignity.

Rule No. 1: First, the obvious: Be self-deprecating. “Humor is a powerful weapon,” says Jeff Nussbaum, a speechwriter who has worked for Al Gore and Joe Biden. “But to earn the right to wield it against others, you need to turn it against yourself first.”

Rule No. 2: Singe, don’t burn. The best jokes walk right up to the line—but don’t cross it. “You never want get an oooo out of the audience,” says Jeff Shesol, a former deputy speechwriter for Bill Clinton. “I can’t believe you just said that is pretty good, but oooo is different.” Gentle ribbing is good. At last year’s WHCD, Obama welcomed his audience of journalists. “Most of you covered me,” he said. “All of you voted for me.”

Rule No. 3: Use jokes as damage control… The damage control strategy can backfire. Al Gore often joked about his stiffness—”Al Gore is so stiff, racks buy their suits off him;” “Al Gore is so boring, his Secret Service code name is Al Gore”—until his speechwriters realized they were only reinforcing the image.

Rule No. 4: Delivery matters. John Kerry learned this the hard way in 2006, when he botched a joke in front of a group of students. He meant to say that if you don’t study hard, you’ll end up making dumb decisions like President Bush’s decision to invade Iraq. Instead, he said that students who don’t perform well would get “stuck in I

If you’re not funny and you need to be, it’s ok to solicit material from a funny friend. Just don’t botch the delivery like Kerry did.

“The best political comedy speeches are a mix of punchlines, extended riffs, and set pieces. Punchlines are relatively easy. White House speechwriters usually solicit ideas from funny people around the West Wing—apparently David Axelrod is a comedic force—as well as TV writers and professional comedians. Clinton and Gore, for example, relied heavily on Al Franken and Jay Leno. Other times they’ll simply pay an outside writer to do it.”

“Writing jokes for politicians is different from writing for a late-night talk show. (Although sometimes the two overlap.) “For a politician, it’s not just about getting laughs,” says Eric Schnure, a speechwriter who has written for both Democrats and Republicans. “It’s about being liked.” Some humor is therefore off limits. No impersonations. No joking about loss of life. No cursing. It’s just not worth offending someone you have to work with the next day.”

This doesn’t necessarily apply across the board, but I think it can be applicable in preaching, though I don’t recommend ever aiming for lame jokes. And you should almost never pause expecting laughter. Wait for laughter, then pause.

“Luckily for speechwriters, the bar isn’t that high. Even the lamest jokes get laughs. “The weird thing about all these jokes is, none of them are funny,” says one Senate speechwriter. It’s more about seeing normally stentorian politicians crack wise. The mere fact of it is entertaining. As Attie puts it: “It’s humor in a suit.””

There are a couple more insights in the original article.

October 5, 2010

An infographic infographic

Here’s how to make an infographic. In case you’ve been wanting to jump on that particular viral bandwagon.

Via here.

August 11, 2010

How to win (most of the time) rock, paper, scissors

Here’s a handy infographic/tutorial for winning Rock, Paper Scissors against inexperienced or very experienced players.

“Males have a tendency to throw rock on their first try, inexperienced RPS players will subconsciously deliver the item that won previously, and paper is thrown least often, so use it as a surprise.”

Via FlowingData.

I prefer to throw a little psychology into the mix – I just tell the person, honestly, what I’m going to play. And then it becomes a question of trust. Then, sometimes I cheat. Because cheating is the best way to win.

August 3, 2010

How to write funny comics

Calvin and Hobbes creator Bill Watterson responded to a piece of fan mail with these tips on creating funny comic strips. He’d know.

Here are the tips.

1. Materials are not important, so long as your work reproduces and reduces clearly. It’s what you do WITH the materials that counts.

2. I think characters are more important than jokes. Any cartoonist ought to be able to come up with funny gags, but the best strips have rounded, complex characters that readers can care about. Cartoon characters should be more than standing props to deliver jokes.

3. Don’t imitate other strips. Editors are looking for something new and original.

4. Most importantly, have fun with your work, and practice writing and drawing all you can.

Via Letters of Note.

July 24, 2010

How to write like Malcolm Gladwell

Gladwell is a phenomenon. His books sell like hotcakes. He’s a compelling storyteller and he uses this ability to stitch together anecdotes and essays in a cohesive way. His books are famous for pushing one big idea using several supporting examples presented in an amusing and engaging way.

Here are eight tips for writing like Gladwell. In sum:

1. “Your book is actually going to be a collection of essays drawn together by a loose thread” – You should start writing a bunch of essays about loosely connectected topics.
2. “Each of your essays is going to revolve around a single idea” – Conveniently, these idea then become a chapter.
3. “Illustrate the idea with stories about real people” – Everybody likes a story about real people (this works with media releases too).
4. “Get a professor” – find an expert who is willing to put their names to conjecture and unproven theories, present them as fact.
5. “Best to have some sad stories to illustrate your points well” – You need to balance out all the success stories with stories of people who have failed because they haven’t embraced Gladwell’s concept.
6. “Give things names and remember Douglas Adams’ rule of capital letters” – basically give the concepts you’ve come up with names, catchy names, expressed best by the power of proper nouns.
7. “Don’t fret too much about accuracy, concentrate on telling a good story” – some of Gladwell’s work has been shown to be either based on conjecture or old wives’ tales.
8. “Don’t worry about the new, new thing” – some of Gladwell’s ideas are from papers or events more than ten years ago.

June 17, 2010

A Beginners’ Guide to Enjoying the World Cup

Ben is considering jumping on the World Cup bandwagon. I thought I’d lend a brother a hand with my guide to enjoying the World Cup. I’ve played a fair bit of football in my time, and watched as much, and played video games (including the boring ones where you manage a team). So I consider myself an expert. I was once almost a sports journalist too… if that counts.

So here’s what you’ll need to do (please note, several of these can be easily faked in order to convince your colleagues that you’re into the World Cup).

  1. Know the format. The World Cup has 32 teams, arriving after an extensive qualifying campaign. These teams are arranged into “groups” of four. These groups play each other once (so three games) and two teams from each group go through to the knockout round of 16, then there’s the quarter finals, then the semis, then the final.
  2. Know that the World Cup is a big deal. It’s the biggest event in the world. It has history. We’re just late to the party.
  3. Call the game “football” for extra snob points, and insist others do the same.
  4. Know your team. Presumably you’re an Australian. So picking the team you’re going to support has only been this easy twice before. Australia plays a pretty physical brand of the game, low on skill (arguably) high on passion (read “aggression”). We’re marathon runners, not sprinters. It’s tortoise and hare stuff…
  5. Decorate your office, your cubicle, your car, and your home. If you want to avoid awkward conversations with colleagues that might reveal your ignorance the more over the top the better. Framed jerseys on your cubicle wall are a great idea. Nobody will talk to you if you appear more fanatical about it than they are. Green and gold streamers are the order of the day. Soccer ball hair cuts are also pretty good.
  6. Practice your cliches. This is sport. Puns about foreign players’ names are fair game. Sporting cliches are a must.
  7. Know the rules of football, or at least the ones where people commonly yell at the ref and debate points of order. The offside rule is a big one. Before someone passes the ball the player they pass to must have two players between them and the goal (usually one is the goalkeeper). The people responsible for upholding this law are the linesmen (or referee’s assistants). Yell at them whenever they make a call, or don’t make a call, whichever one is in your team’s favour. Any time a player from the other team does something that looks a little nasty to one of your players yell “CARD HIM” at the TV. It doesn’t help. Yellow cards are called “bookings” they’re a warning, though if you get enough you get suspended. Red cards are send offs and automatic suspensions. Two yellow cards = a red. Anytime one of your players gets tackled in the box in front of the goals yell “PENALTY.”  That box is the 18 yard box – it’s marked with lines, there’s a second, smaller box, the six yard box, that only indicates where goal kicks are taken from. Goal kicks are taken when an attacker kicks the ball over the back line.
  8. Pick your second team. Lets face it. It’ll be a miracle if Australia make it past the group stage. They’ve got probably the second toughest group in the competition. I’ll include a guide to teams that might win it (because who wants to back a loser?) below.
  9. Practice pronouncing foreign names credibly. There’s probably a pronunciation guide somewhere.
  10. Pick a third team, a likable underdog. It’s not us. We’re not likable. We’re bullies and whingers. Mostly. African teams get bonus likability points this time around because the cup is in South Africa. New Zealand are likely to go very badly. Honduras is my third team.
  11. Remember that the games are televised at 12am and at 4.30am. Familiarise yourself with the TV schedule, don’t try to watch two games in one night if you have a day job. Unless you can get your boss into it.

The ten teams I think might have a chance of winning (in no particular order)

  1. Brazil – tend to win every couple of World Cups, it’s probably their turn.
  2. Spain – they have two great strikers (Torres and Villa).
  3. Argentina – they have the best player in the world (Messi) and a couple of decent attackers. Otherwise they’re pretty average. If Messi fires in the big games they’ll be right.
  4. Portugal – they have Cristiano Ronaldo, who some believe is better than Messi. They came fourth last time around.
  5. France – finalists last time around, winners in 1998, don’t have Zidane this time around.
  6. Italy – the reigning champions
  7. The Netherlands – play a nice brand of football.
  8. C’ote D’Ivoire – I had to pick an African team, if Drogba, their striker, is fit, they’ll be a tough team to beat. But they are in the group of death – with Brazil and Portugal.
  9. Greece – they won Euro 2004 six years ago, but are really only in this list to pad it out to ten so that I can then insult England by leaving them out…
  10. Germany – they’re in our group, they have no superstar but a bunch of 8/10 type players who work with German efficiency.

Don’t back England. They never win. They show such promise, and then are rubbish. Players have brain explosions and get sent off, their strikers forget how to shoot, Murphy’s law applies to England in World Cups.

June 10, 2010

How to take a kick to the groin

Ouch. Complete with super slow mo replays, and biomechanical analysis. Apparently “no pain, no brain” is a factual reality.

May 29, 2010

How to mug somebody

If you’re an aspiring criminal looking to move into the world of person to person transactions then learn from this guy. Mugging is a two step process.

  1. Check for Ninja Schools
  2. If no Ninja schools can be found (which is likely, they’re probably invisible) don’t do it. Just in case.

The coolest thing about this story is that it happened in Australia.

The [three] thieves were assaulting a German medical exchange student in Sydney, but the alleyway where they struck was next to a school for ninja warriors.

One of the pupils raised the alarm after noticing the attack…

“We just ran outside and started running at them, yelling and everything,” said ninja master Kaylan Soto who instructed his students to take action.

“These guys have turned around and seen five ninjas in black ninja uniforms running towards them. They just bolted.”

May 22, 2010

How to make Sizzler’s Cheese Toast (redux)

My “How to make Sizzler’s Cheese Toast” post is the second most visited post I’ve ever written. Given that it’s winter, and the toast is brilliant with soup. I thought I’d update that post with some pictures (and a slightly updated batch of instructions). Here’s a taste…

May 21, 2010

How to play Scissors, Paper, Rock against yourself

Just build this glove. Stick it on your hand. And Bob, as they say, is your uncle. The glove will learn how you play, and tel you what it thinks will beat you.

April 29, 2010

How to mix stuff through your ice cream

Here you go readers. A free tip. I bought some cookie dough and some ice cream at the grocery store. Intending to combine them for some homemade cookie dough action. But how to do it? How does one take two fairly solid substances and mix them thoroughly to create the desired effect? You use a potato masher, that’s how.

It worked brilliantly. I didn’t have to melt the ice cream. Which is always a no-no – it doesn’t freeze well afterwards.

April 13, 2010

How to cook bacon like a real man

I promise this is my last post about bacon for at least a day… but you need to read this. If you want to cook bacon like a real man.

Have you got an old machine gun lying around? With about 200 spare rounds of bacon? Then you’re set. If you don’t, then go out now, buy one, and come back. This post won’t go anywhere in the meantime.

I’ve discovered a new way of cooking bacon. All you need is: bacon, tin foil, some string, and.. oh whats it called?… oh yeah, an old worn out 7.62mm machinegun that is about to be discarded, and about 200 rounds of ammunition.

You start by wrapping the barrel in tin foil. Then you wrap bacon around it, and tie it down with some string.

you then wrap some more tin foil around it, and once again tie it down with string.

It is now ready to be inserted into the cooking device. I ripped the tin foil a little bit getting the barrel inserted. that part of the bacon got severely burned by hot gasses.

After just a few short bursts you should be able to smell the wonderful aroma of bacon.

I gave this about 250 rounds. but I think around 150 might actually be enough. But then again I don’t mind when bacon is crispy. Ahh the smell of sizzling bacon mixed with the smell of gunpowder and weapon oil.

And the end result: Crispy delicious well done bacon.

Via Reddit.

March 31, 2010