Tag: ninjas

Sticking around: the disproportional impact of a stick figure cartoon

I <3 XKCD. It’s my regular dose of geeky humour rendered in high definition stick figurey goodness. Millions of other people like it too. In fact, XKCD is arguably the world’s most influential blog. The forum 4Chan might cause more havoc, but XKCD readers tend to use their powers for good. Remember Tetris Hell? That was an XKCD comic. Within hours a reader had made it playable.

In this comic ninjas visit an open source software guru:

Shortly afterwards… ninjas confronted the guy at a conference.

After this comic:

This guy created a ball room in his house using this calculator that another reader created.

Here’s an article tracking XKCD’s influence.

How to mug somebody

If you’re an aspiring criminal looking to move into the world of person to person transactions then learn from this guy. Mugging is a two step process.

  1. Check for Ninja Schools
  2. If no Ninja schools can be found (which is likely, they’re probably invisible) don’t do it. Just in case.

The coolest thing about this story is that it happened in Australia.

The [three] thieves were assaulting a German medical exchange student in Sydney, but the alleyway where they struck was next to a school for ninja warriors.

One of the pupils raised the alarm after noticing the attack…

“We just ran outside and started running at them, yelling and everything,” said ninja master Kaylan Soto who instructed his students to take action.

“These guys have turned around and seen five ninjas in black ninja uniforms running towards them. They just bolted.”

Hoda Korosu – the art of improvised weaponry

This guy is pretty awesome – he could kill you with a magazine. Watch.

Or a book.

Or a newspaper.

Or, if you want to carry all of those at once… a briefcase.

Ninja restaurant only gets good reviews

I’d go to a restaurant called Ninja. If I could find it. If you don’t like the food – they chop you in half*.

“The ninja is mysterious,” said Ou Chia-wei, owner of the restaurant simply named Ninja, explaining why he chose that theme for the Japanese-style restaurant. “On that premise, we can do magic tricks and light up the food.”

Waitresses working the barely lit dining room floor burn specialty menus, which vanish without a trace of ash, and send flames snaking across tables as customers watch.

A moat and screen of cascading water just past the front entrance make customers wait a few minutes until the drawbridge goes up, leading to a dark stairwell toward the dining hall.”

*not really.

How to be “awesomely” sneaky like the CIA

This is one of those “ah ha” moments. The CIA has released some operating secrets from the pre-technology era. Those guys were high tech. You can buy a book filled with awesome tips. Like these. Via the Boston Globe.

Among the CIA's many tricks during the Cold War, it turns out, was some actual magic.

That’s not the best one.

Among the CIA's many tricks during the Cold War, it turns out, was some actual magic.
And this, friends, is my excuse. It’s particularly prescient because a good friend told me (before I left Townsville) that he doesn’t think of me as a deep thinker.
Among the CIA's many tricks during the Cold War, it turns out, was some actual magic.

How to promote yourself like Leonardo Da Vinci

I don’t think there’s a figure in history with talents as diverse as Leonardo Da Vinci’s. He was cool. A true renaissance man. If you require proof of this coolness – you need look no further than the fact that he has been featured in popular cultural texts as diverse as Ever After (the Cindarella Story) and Assassins Creed 2. Because his coolness is transcendent.

He was, it appears, an incredible self promoter. Here is a letter he sent to the Duke of Milan when he was thirty years old.

There are eleven points. You can read them all here. But my favourites are:

Where the operation of bombardment might fail, I would contrive catapults, mangonels, trabocchi, and other machines of marvellous efficacy and not in common use. And in short, according to the variety of cases, I can contrive various and endless means of offense and defense.

He was, it seems, a ninja.

I have means by secret and tortuous mines and ways, made without noise, to reach a designated spot, even if it were needed to pass under a trench or a river.

A ninja who made tanks.

I will make covered chariots, safe and unattackable, which, entering among the enemy with their artillery, there is no body of men so great but they would break them. And behind these, infantry could follow quite unhurt and without any hindrance.

It’s funny that Einstein is remembered for his contribution to weaponry though he set out to be a scientist – and Leonardo is remembered for his contribution to art though he set out to be a weapons developer.

Item number 11 on the list says:

I can carry out sculpture in marble, bronze, or clay, and also I can do in painting whatever may be done, as well as any other, be he who he may.

The promises even come with a satisfaction guarantee and demonstration…

“And if any of the above-named things seem to anyone to be impossible or not feasible, I am most ready to make the experiment in your park, or in whatever place may please your Excellency – to whom I comment myself with the utmost humility, etc.”

Clearly, in hindsight, he was both competent and capable. Which is probably the key to being successful. If you’re justone of these things without the other you’re doomed for failure.

My top five posts about ninjas

You probably didn’t see these first time around. But ninjas are sneaky – so that’s understandable.

The black parade

Shirt of the Day: Ninja Code

For people who know CSS and like ninjas… Buy it here.

Ninjitsuit

My first thought when reading about this new, controversial “Burquini” the Islamic bikini invented by an Australian and banned in France (two things that make something more likely to be awesome) was that it looks pretty much like a ninja suit.

Am I right? Yeah. Which got me thinking further – firstly, I didn’t know what a ninja suit was actually called – which was a bit of a gap in my ninja arsenal. For the record it’s a shinobi shozoko. But it’s always dangerous to put a ninja in a box.

Ninjafy your car

After you’ve got things in the kitchen to a dangerously ninjafied status it’s time to turn your car into a lean, mean, killing machine (figuratively not literally).

Pirates v Ninjas: Black and white issue

First there was ninja v ninja checkers – and now a chance to settle the age old question – pirates v ninjas.

Ninja fail

Some stories would be better with pictures

“Seattle police say a man who thought he was ninja was impaled on a metal fence when he tried to leap over it. An officer who was looking for an assault victim nearby Monday night heard the man screaming for help. Police supported him to prevent further injuries until medics arrived and took him to a hospital, where he was in serious condition in intensive care on Tuesday.

Police spokeswoman Renee Witt wrote in a department Web site posting that officers thought the man might have been involved in the reported assault, but he insisted he was just a ninja trying to clear a 4- to 5-foot-tall fence.

Witt says the man was “overconfident in his abilities,” and that alcohol likely played a role.”

When ninjas turn bad

I would give this homeless guy money.

Style points = $3.

Via Flickr.

The black parade

Ninjas are sneaky…

A place to hang your hood

If perchance you purchased the ninja suit I linked to back here and have been looking for an appropriate implement to store it… then look no further than these shuriken coat hooks.

How to rob a bank – Swedish style

Bank robbers are a misunderstood breed. They’re nothing like the bogans in Two Hands… Hollywood was closer in the movie “How to Rob a Bank…” that I reviewed a while back.

A very professional gang in Sweden did it this way (and got $150 million in the process):

  1. Dressed as ninjas
  2. Stole a helicopter
  3. Abseiled onto the roof of the building – which was essentially a money storage facility, the kind Scrooge McDuck used to bathe in.
  4. Smashed through the glass pyramid on top.
  5. Used explosives to access the money.
  6. Climbed back up the ropes.
  7. Escaped.

But that’s not the best bit. The best bit is that they delayed the pursuers by:

  1. Putting sharp stuff all over the road outside the depot.
  2. Putting a bag marked “Bomb” outside the police station’s helipad, which had to be investigated and the helicopter staff were evacuated.

Two men have since been “questioned” by police, it seems they’re not the actual robbers but may have been involved. The best quote in the story about the robbery is this one from a criminologist:

“They are definitely no amateurs.”

You think?

Ninjitsuit

My first thought when reading about this new, controversial “Burquini” the Islamic bikini invented by an Australian and banned in France (two things that make something more likely to be awesome) was that it looks pretty much like a ninja suit.

Am I right? Yeah. Which got me thinking further – firstly, I didn’t know what a ninja suit was actually called – which was a bit of a gap in my ninja arsenal. For the record it’s a shinobi shozoko. But it’s always dangerous to put a ninja in a box.

Besides the typical ninja uniform, the ninja would use any type of clothing that would get them closer to the mission goal. Sometimes the ninja dressed up as priests, peasants or even samurai. Whatever the mission required, they did.

So, now you’re wondering why I am still talking. You’ve got my point. Well, no. You haven’t. Have you seen the Mythbusters Ninja Episode – it’s my favourite – not because they do cool ninja stuff, but because they go to a ninja warehouse and buy awesome ninja equipment for their ninja mission.

Well, there’s a place like that on the internet. And you can buy a ninja suit for $69 (I assume US) that includes ninja shoes, ninja socks and ninja boots. You can get a different pack that comes with some gear as well for $82. I know what I want for Christmas… or a wedding anniversary present… (hint, hint).

You can also buy ninja gear, and buy all the ninja weapons you could possibly want from here. If that’s legal in your country.

Teenage Mutant Siamese Turtles

I’ve seen a few pictures floating around the interwebs of this siamese turtle…

It looked like a photoshop job. So I googled it. And it’s not.

It’s rare, but thanks to the Internet – all too common.

A pet shop even purchased a siamese turtle a couple of years ago to keep on display – and there’s this YouTube video too…

Lucky nobody gave them a set of nun chucks and a bo staff – that would have been majorly problematic to synchronise.

Awesome: Ninja Assassin

I posted something about this movie a while back – and now the trailer is out. The equation is simple Ninjas + Assasins = Awesome. The trailer is pretty violent.

More details about the movie here.