Phone calls from Africa

The final phone call (I think)

I got so sick of Dr Paul and Interpol that I decided to bring things to a head.

I haven’t heard back from the Dr Paul character since my last insulting email. But I moved things along with mr Kofi from Interpol. And then he called me. Here’s the (in my opinion) hilarious phone call. He trips up a number of times. It goes for seven minutes. But it’s the best seven minutes of phone call ever. The email he talks about in the phone call is included below. The best bit is that Mr Kofi – the chief of Interpol/Director of Ghana’s Criminal Investigators Department – asked me to send money to the guy who Dr Paul told me was his staff member who "wouldn’t eat my money"…

Dear.

Thank you very much for this money you send but the problem now that i did not give you the information you will use to send it, please i want to advice you now to go western union now change it now will this nams and address onbelow:

1. NAME: PAUL MOUGOR

2. ADDRESS: ACCRA GHANA

my friend go back now change it in western union and get back to me very fast so you fund will deliver to you very fast now. my friend you have to do this very fast because of problem.Am looking forward to hear from you today.

After the phone call – where I’m sure he didn’t get my message – I decided to let him know that the game was up. If he doesn’t get this message he truly is the dumbest scammer ever.

Mr Kofi/Dr Paul/Emmanuel Onyekwere
The game is over. You are too stupid for words.
I am sorry. You have just made too many mistakes. Let me list them.
1. If you’re scamming somebody and they ask for an easy piece of proof – just send it to them. Don’t make stupid excuses like "I haven’t done that before"
2. If you can forge ID and use a fake email address – anybody else can too.
3. Claiming to be a Christian while trying to steal somebody’s money is just wrong. Obviously you don’t actually believe in God. You’ve got hell to look forward to and all the money you’re stealing off innocent people is not going to get you  out of that.
4. If you’re going to bring another character into the picture get someone else to make the phone call – especially if the person hasn’t given your new character their phone number.
5. When you make a phone call actually listen to what the person is saying.
6. When someone tells you they know you’re a thief and then two weeks later writes back to you – you must wonder whether or not they’re just toying with you.
7. When you receive an email – actually read it. Sticking to a script won’t fool anybody.
8. If you’re going to try to steal somebody’s money at least get some real looking ID – photoshop jobs are easy to see through.
9. When someone sends you a Western Union receipt after not having contacted you for weeks – perhaps assume it’s not real. I hope you went into Western Union and looked like an absolute idiot.
And lastly, and this is the big one…
If you’re playing the role of Interpol – don’t send tell me to send money to somebody who "works as Dr Paul’s assistant and won’t eat my money" – which is what Dr Paul Acquah said about Paul Mougour – the guy Mr Kofi is now asking me to send money to.
In conclusion. You are the worst scammer ever. You’ve wasted so much time talking to me. I feel good that you’re not talking to some gullible fool and taking their money. But I suggest that because you are so bad at this you change your ways. Go to church this weekend and tell them that you’re a reformed criminal and ask them to give you some real jobs to do. Get a job washing dishes in a restaurant. You’d be better at every other job in the world than this one. You are THE WORST Nigerian scammer in history.
Regards,
N

The Doctor

I must find out what sort of doctor Dr Paul is. Especially since now I’M GOING TO VISIT HIM IN GHANA. Yes. That’s right people. That’s worthy of a "shout" I think…

Actually, I should spell out – I am not stupid. There is no way known to man that I will be visiting Ghana any time soon. Dr Paul thinks differently. Because I made him… Evidently the wild goose chase I’m sending him on – back and forth to the Western Union office – is taking its toll.

Dear
Thank you very much for your mail. my friend am go to western union now if i came back i will get back to you. my friend if i have any problem i will let you no because since last night am so worry about this problem. my friend i want to go now and meet the man in western union if i come back i will let you no. Am looking forward to hear from you soon.
Yours Friend
Dr Paul

Western Union didn’t come through with the goods – so he called me again – and then sent me this email…

Dear.

Thank you very much for your mail . my friend am not happy for all this that going on now. my friend since that time i call you on phone i want to western union to meet the man after the check again the told me that the money is not there.

please my friend this type i never see it before that some one  send me money i did not see. my friend am please you in the name of God come back to that  western union you send this money collect this money back and send it to any order western union again and send me the information please because this one you send i have try all i can do to see that i pick this money but no way please.

my friend this can of ward i never see it before since i have being in this office. my friend please try do very thing today so by tomorrow diplomat can come and deliver this fund to you.  my friend as am sending this mail to you am so worry about this problem that come out now. since morning here the custom there calling me to burn the money i told them will have big now by collect the money.

once again my friend because of the way i love you makes me being run round since last night for you to collect you fund. my friend as i told you try do it this way it help you and me so all this problem will do fast. i want very thing been round up this week so you can feel happy. Am loking forward to hear from you today.

Yours Friend

Dr paul

Something is wrong. All the details I sent him were correct…It’s time for me to sort this out, in person.

Dr Paul,
I have been to see Western Union – they say the money has definitely been sent. And their records show it has been collected in Ghana.
Now you are claiming that you did not receive the money and asking me to send it again. I am concerned. The lady at Western Union said I should be careful because she has seen people tricked out of money by people from Ghana before.
I told her that you are my good friend. And that I trust you to be truthful to me because you are a Christian brother.
Dr Paul, I hope this is true. I will not be sending money again by Western Union. If you have not received the money that I have sent then I think I must arrange a trip to Ghana to sort this out.
I will book flights in the next few days. Will you be able to meet me at the airport and arrange accommodation for me – I must stay in a hotel with at least a 4 star rating and a reliable internet connection.
Please can you book this for me. I will send you through my flight details shortly. I will come to your country for 5 days. That should be enough to sort out this matter. I will also bring a significant sum of money to ensure any problems with this situation can be ironed out.
Please let me know as soon as possible if the money has turned up – if I don’t hear from you in the next 12 hours I will book these flights.
Regards,
Nathaniel

Apparently it’s all Western Union’s fault and I should now use MoneyGram instead. Dr Paul is calling me every 20 minutes today – and I’ve ignored most of his calls.

Dear.

Thank you very much for our phone discuss. my friend am not happy for all this problem but my God grace all this problem will done very well my friend. about to come to Ghana am not advice you for that because it will collect you much money so what you will now go to money gram and send it money please. my friend try to do it now please. my friend what makes me  i told you not to  come ghana i done want you to have problem i will use my hand here do very thing for you . This is the information you will use to send it on money gram now onbelow

1. NAME; EMMANUEL ONYEKWERE

2. ADDRESS; ACCRA GHANA

Am looking forward to hear from you today.

Yours Friend

Dr paul

What? He doesn’t want me to come… I thought kidnapping and extortion would be more lucrative… I best give him a carrot…

My dear Dr Paul,
I am a wealthy man. Paying to visit your part of the world, my friend, would not concern me. I have not been there. Perhaps there are business opportunities I can explore.
I am concerned. I am wealthy because I do not take being ripped off kindly. I will no doubt be able to sue Western Union for lots of money – including my travel costs – if I get to Ghana and find they have stolen my money.
My friend, I think that I will come to Ghana rather than pay more money to Money Gram. I will book my flights and let you know the details.
The only thing that will stop my arrival is if you receive the Western Union money in the next few hours. Perhaps there has been some delay in the transfer clearing from Australia.
Please let me know if my travel is unnecessary for this reason. I will not invest a second sum of money until I know what has happened to the first.
Kind regards brother,
Nathaniel

Now I need to give him $500 to smooth the way for my trip…

Dear.

Thank you very much for your mail once again. my friend as you told me that you will come to ghana no problem is good. As i told you on phone about this $500 please go now and send it so my morning time here i will go and collect the money and get this document for you. This is the information you will use it to send it through western union money transfer onbelow;

1. NAME; EMMANUEL ONYEKWERE

2. ADDRESS; ACCRA GHANA

Am looking forward to hear from you today.

Yours Friend
Dr paul

That sounds odd. What is this $500 for?

Dr Paul,
What exactly is this money for?
I will not trust Western Union with my money again until I have been to Ghana to sort out this problem.
In fact, I don’t feel comfortable wiring money via any service until I get to the bottom of things.
I will bring the $500 with me, and further funds to cover emergencies.

He replied…

Dear.

Thank you very once again. my friend i no you are not happy what western union do before. but i want to assure you that you will not going to have any problem again. please try send this money so i will go and burn this document and send to you before you come to ghana.

my friend this documnet i want to use this money it is very important . so my friend if you can not send it to western union please go to money gram and send this money fast because this $500 is very important so i will get this document and send to you because this document you will show them in airport because you come in. Am loking forward to hear from you today

Yours Friend

Dr paul

He needs to burn some documents? How droll. Now, I want my photo. The promise of significant funds might be enough…

Dr Paul,
I can not answer more phone calls today. My colleagues are already suspicious. My friend, I do not want people to know about this deal they will want money from me.
Dr Paul – it worries me that this money has disappeared – perhaps you should try Western Union again just in case – I have spoken again to the local lady, I don’t think she has any idea what she is doing.
My Friend, please, can you go to Western Union and explain the situation and ask what could possibly have happened to my money.
I will not send more to your country without delivering it in person. The lady at Western Union, she said that it’s probably a scam. That you have taken my money and want me to send it again so that you can take more.
I don’t believe her – but you remember we had some problems earlier where I believed you to be a criminal. Dr Paul, I think, before I invest more money in a trip overseas, or send you more money by wire, I think you need to at last, take a step to demonstrate good faith.
I need you to send me a photo to reassure me that you are who you say you are. I need this Dr Paul, or the deal is off. I have already spent $850 for nothing. When you are as rich as me that is not a lot of money in the big picture, but you don’t get rich like me without being careful with your money. And I am a prudent and careful man.
You must do this. Send me a photo holding a sign like I asked to begin with, or the deal is off. As a Christian brother I ask that you hold a sign with your favourite verse from the Bible.
Please Dr Paul. I can not tell you how important this photo is to securing this deal and my travel to Ghana.

The Dr Paul saga

This is a very long post about Dr Paul, my new friend from Ghana. It’s over 3,000 words long.

Feel free to skip it. You have been warned.

Dr Paul is my new friend from Ghana. We have spoken on the phone a number of times. He has a thick African accent and he talks very fast. He tries to reassure me that I have nothing to worry about. Because he will look after everything and make sure I get my money.

Being the less than gullible person that I am I have had to demand some evidence to back up his claims. He has been less than forthcoming.

It might be time for me to try to turn the tables a little. Here are some email highlights…

FROM THE DESK OF THE GOVERNOR BANK OF GHANA (BOG)REPUBLIC OF GHANA

Dear Sir/ madam, IMMEDIATE PAYMENT OF YOUR CONTRACT INHERITANCE ON CONTRACT #:MAV/GNPC/GH/MIN/009.

From the records of outstanding contractors due for payment with the Government of Ghana your name and company was discovered as next on the list of the outstanding contractors who have not received their payments. I wish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter.

Also note that from my record in my file your outstanding contract payment is US$15.7 million dollars (Fifteen Million Seven Hundred Thousand United States Dollar Please re-confirm to me if this is inline with what you have in your record and also re-confirm to me the followings:

1) Your full name.

2) Phone, Fax and Mobile #.

3) Company name, Position and Address.

4) Profession, age and marital status.

5) Any kind of identification

I don’t recall doing any work for the Government of Ghana. This is curious. I also changed my name slightly – you never know what sort of nastiness these people might be capable.

Hi Paul,

Thanks for contacting me. I am confused – are you suggesting that I owe you $15.7 million? That can not be correct.

Regards,

Nathaniel McIntosh Campbell

He didn’t respond to clarify the situation so I let him know I was no dummy… I may have embelished some details further to continue to further obfuscate my identity.

Dr Paul,

I have reread the wording of your original email. I now understand that you will be paying me $15.7 million.

I am very excited.

Can you advise what steps need to be undertaken for me to claim this money.

The answers, as best I can, to your questions, are as follows:

1) Nathan McIntosh Campbell

2) I don’t have a fax or landline – my mobile number is (my actual number).

3) Company Name: McIntosh Communications, position Director

4) Communications Professional, 42, Married.

5) Unfortunately my wallet was stolen in a home invasion three days ago – I will forward my identification to you when I receive new cards.

Obviously I sound impressive, because Dr Paul wished to continue with this transaction in order to deliver me my money. He seemed nice. He has not, at this point, demanded a share of the money owed to me…

Att: Nathan McIntosh Campbell

Thanks for the mail. We have noted the contents of your mail and we want to inform you that all arrangements have been concluded to deliver the fund to you.

Do note that it is absolutely necessary for you to send to me the nearest airport to your destination any your form of identification to enable the diplomat knows the person he is delivering to. Also the reason we need your nearest airport is to enable the us get freight clearance from Kotoka International Airport Ghana as well as for the Ghana Customs Excise and Preventive Services on your behalf.

This is very important.

Furthermore, you have to note that as soon as the diplomat arrives the nearest airport to your destination, he will call you and then advice you on the exact time he will be coming to your address for the delivery.

Finally, I will advice you to keep this process secret and confidential till the delivery has been made to you to avoid you loosing your funds. I will furnish you with the opening code number of the box because the diplomat will not have access to it except you.

Further information shall be given to you as soon as I hear from you.

Cordially yours,

Dr. Paul Acquah

Governor Bank Of Ghana Accra

+233-24-1111-297

That is his phone number. Feel free to call. I haven’t yet – he’s called me a few times. We’ve spoken for about 20 minutes in total. If he calls me again I’ll try to record the conversation. I am obviously very keen to receive this outstanding money – but I am cautious.

Dr Paul,

Thank you for your email. You understand I must approach deals like this with caution.

In my line of work I can not be embroiled in scandalous business dealings. I will need proof of your identity, and it must be demonstrably current.

Are you able to supply a photo of yourself taken today to demonstrate your bonafides? I would suggest holding a piece of paper with a phrase chosen by myself would be an appropriate measure. Could you please produce same – with my favourite Bible verse – John 3:16 – written on a piece of paper – not the verse, just the words “John 3:16” will do.

I will then supply you with the information required to complete the transaction.

Regards,

Nathaniel.

I am hopeful that Dr Paul will be the first person to supply me with this photo as requested. He responded with a passport – note it’s not the same one as the version included at the top of this post… but we’ll get to the reason for that shortly…

My dear you have to understand me that i dont want to make you not to get you fund. so my good friend please as you ask me my id you can see it attach to show you that am not telling you liar.Am looking forward to hearing form you soon. Cordially yours,

Dr. Paul Acquah

This was simply not good enough for a cautious guy like me… Particularly because the name on the passport is different to Dr Paul’s name. Something doesn’t seem right…

I chose not to notice the discrepency at this stage – because this was when I got my first long phone call.

Dr Paul,

Thank you for your phone call. Though it was very late at night in my country (and I was asleep) – it put my mind at ease somewhat.

My problem is this, my great uncle was once caught up in an international transaction where things were not as they seemed. Our family has learned from this incident.

I believe you to be true to your word – but I must insist that you provide me with an undoctored photo holding a piece of paper with the words I requested (John 3:16) written on them.

If you are who you say you are I can’t see why this would be a problem. Anybody can scan and send a passport photo or doctor it to make it look legitimate. Very few people could fake the photo I’ve asked you to produce in such short notice.

I am ready, and willing, to proceed with our deal once I get the photo.

Dr Paul obviously decided that this was the time for him to strike – and he asked me for $850 via Western Union.

Thanks for the mail and the information that you supplied.

Please note that I have been able to secure the Ghana Customs Excise and Preventive Services Clearance for your consignment examination and confirmation for freight to you from the Kotoka International Airport Ghana.

They said that you are required to pay the sum of $850 only being cost of freight of the consignment before the diplomat can come over to Australia for the delivery. all you have to do to try you best do send this money because diplomat is waiting for you before he will come to you door.

This money can be sent through western union money transfer or money gram to: NAME;Mr. Emmanuel Onyekwere

ADDRESS;Accra Ghana

As soon as you send the money do send the Western Union details to me via email so that we can take the payment information to the Airport to enable them collect the money. my good friend one thing i want to assure you that i will not let you down. Remember that the diplomat will travel from Ghana to Australia to deliver the fund to you the moment this payment is received.

I will be waiting to hear from you today. i wish you nice day.

Cordially yours,

Dr. Paul Acquah

We spoke on the phone and I asked if it was possible for this $850 to be taken out of the amount he apparently owes me. For some reason it was not. I started to get a little agitated.

Hi Dr Paul,

I’m thrilled that you’ve got the documentation. I really am. But do you think I’m stupid?

You’re treating me like an idiot. I have asked for one piece of proof – and you have refused to provide it.

I can’t understand why you’re finding it so difficult to provide a photo. I will not be transferring the money without it – but once I have it I will make the transfer.

Has the diplomat booked his flights yet? Do we have a deadline?

I expect your photo to arrive as soon as is practical. If you wish to call me to discuss please do so at a time appropriate for fitting in with my schedule – and not at an unearthly hour in the morning.

Regards,

Nathaniel.

He tried to calm me down…

Dear.

Thank you very much for your mail and explanations so far. my good friend i want to assure that the photo i send to you is my photo which my inter nation passport. mygood friend i don’t no how i can explain my self to you again. all i want to assure that i will never let you down by deliver this fund to you, because i see you that you are good person that makes me being try my best all this days to see that i get all document for you.

my good friend don’t worry just go and do the payment before end of this week you fund will touch you hand. my good friend this money that coming will help you so much include you family, just be liver me that i will do it for you. Am looking forward to hearing form you soon.

Yours Friend

Dr Paul

But I was not having any of that…

Dr Paul,

Thank you for calling again last night. I assume the call I missed an hour later was also from you – I’m sorry, I was asleep and didn’t hear my phone.

Please understand that while my tone on the phone can be harsh – I require an element of trust before entering into any business arrangement.

I do understand the urgency involved in this transaction and your need for a firm commitment.

I believe that the passport is your passport – all I require is a secondary piece of confirmation featuring your photo, but one that could not possible be faked.

This is why I have asked you to produce a photo holding my favourite bible verse. If you can not do this then I can not trust you.

It is that simple.

Don’t bother calling me again if you can’t meet my conditions.

I would have thought this task rather simple when considered in the context of a multimillion dollar transaction.

Rest assured, I will look after my end of the deal once the transaction gets underway.

But I must have this photo immediately.

You will then receive your $850 transfer.

I look forward to your response.

He sought to clarify exactly why he needs this money…

Dear.

Thank you very much for your mail and explanations so far.how are you today. my good friend i have explain to you my self time to time but you did not understand me, my dear you are not give me this money to eat but i want to use to help you for your fund. once again am not eat you money. you $850 is not in my side but one thing i want to assure you that if you want to collect you fund you do what i told you to do, but if you go head send me saying many things it will not helping you to collect this fund. my good friend is not only you the person that will have send there fund since this week. but because of love i have on you makes me live all am doing in my office help you..

my dear all this thing you are saying it will not help. my dear am not use you money to do any thing if you like send the money if you did not like don’t not send that is only business because i have explain my self to you but you do want to understand me. as am talking to you now very arrangement have do to deliver this fund to you but you have make very thing to be prolong. so my dear try to understand that am help you am not come to scam you money or eat you money but if you go head say many thing it will not help you.

Am looking forward to hearing form you soon.

yours Friend

Dr Paul

This is getting nowhere. Where is my photo… and who eats money anyway?

Dr Paul,

Until you provide me the proof I have asked for I will not believe you. These are just words you are using to persuade me.

I don’t think I ever suggested you would “eat” the money. I will not send you the money until you send me a second photo, with the sign I have requested.

You are either not understanding what I am saying – or not listening.

Produce a photo or I will not believe that you are who you say you are.

We had a pretty heated phone call after this – where I demanded the proof. I told him to put up or shut up. And I played my trump card. He claimed to be Dr Paul Acquah – and yet he sent me a passport for an Emmanuel Onyekwere as his proof – and asked me to send money to the same name.

I smelt a rat. After the phone call he sent me this email:

“Dear.

Thank you very once again. my dear you are not understand me too. my dear i live all am doing in my office try my best to help you but you do want to understand me. my dear i have proof my self to you but you do want to understand me. my dear don’t no what i will do for you again.. if you like i can send me the photo of you fund you can see you by you self. my dear you are make very thing to be prolong just do what i told you to do and live all this you are saying because it will not help you out by get this fund. i have explain my self to you but you do want to understand me. my dear if you did not want this fund just tell me because i have many people like you i live all their fund and look only your but you don’t want to understand me.my friend try follow my word you will not going to have any problem.Am looking forward to hearing form you soon.

Yours Friend

Dr Paul”

And I sent him this one… I heard nothing from him for a number of days afterwards…

Dr Paul.

Here are the facts. I will not be sending you the money for this transfer until you clear up the following and provide the proof I have asked for.

1. You have sent me a passport for Mr Emmanuel Onyekwere.

2. You have asked me to transfer money to the same person.

3. You have phoned me three times claiming to be Dr Paul Acquah.

4. You have sent me no identification to back up your claim to be Dr Paul Acquah.

5. I have asked repeatedly for a photo of you, holding a sign, as evidence of your legitimacy.

You have refused to provide it. On these basis I can only assume that you are either: 1. A terrible, terrible con man who has no idea how to run your own business.

2. Stupid.

3. Confused.

4. Trying to cover up your real identity with a cover story because of the dangers involved in assisting me to access my money.

5. Someone with multiple personality disorder.

6. I might be mistaken.

If it is option 4 – then I must assure you that I will not reveal the details of our transaction to anybody – but I must insist that you provide me with the photograph before we go any further.

You are sailing dangerously close to missing out on the 30% share of the funds that I was going to provide you – and I certainly won’t be transferring this money to you until you provide a photograph as requested.

He finally replied.

Thank you for your mail and sorry for my late response. I want you to understand that the identification for Emmanuel happens to be what I felt you requested for, based on the fact that he is the one to receive the money.

But nevertheless, I will be sending you my own personal identification as soon as I get to my office, as am writing this from the house at this moment due to the week end.

Still the same, I want you to understand that this transaction is legally binded and have absolutely nothing to do with what you might be thinking, so do have such though deleted from your mind. Thank you for your understanding.

Dr.Paul

I started to wonder if the barrier to getting my photo might be the Bible reference – so I asked him for something else.

“Hi Dr Paul,

I trust you had a good weekend – I look forward to receiving both your passport and a second photo corroborating your passport – a photo of you holding a piece of paper with the words “Robot in Disguise” would be suitable.

I saw Transformers 2 last night. I enjoyed it.

Regards,

Nathaniel”

And he sent me the passport photo included at the top of this post. I’m still waiting for my photo. He’s still waiting for his money. We are at an impasse.

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