Tag Archives: stupid people

,

Having a gBall™

Tim asked if I’m planning to blog about April Fools news stories today. I was thinking about it. But hadn’t decided.

I was watching the Today Show this morning – and I never cease to be amazed by the number of people fulled by a pretty poor April Fools joke – just because it’s on TV.

The Today Show had school speed zones being manned by speedo and bikini clad “SPEEDOS” (an acronym they kept repeating) holding speed signs to remind drivers. Prompting much outrage.

Google’s joke is classier – the gBall would be a triumph of modern convergence technology…

The features:

  • Weighs an extra 107g
  • Extra 35.8mm in diameter
  • Kicks are automatically measured using special in-built equipment
  • You get personalised online kicking tips and suggestions, based on kicking data
  • gBall vibrates if player agents or talent scouts want to speak to you
  • Find your lost gBall online using Google Maps

The Link – gBall™.

Keep on truckin’

What does it say about me that this made me laugh? A lot. On the third, fourth, fifth and subsequent viewings…

, ,

Fake ID

Rules for public Christianity 101 – If you’re going to put a stupid Jesus fish on your car – don’t put it under a massive advertisement for your fake ID business.

Want faith with that?

Want faith with that?

Clearly the guy behind this business isn’t the smartest cookie in the Cookie Man store (mmm cookie man, incidently Townsville has a combined Cookie Man and Baskin-Robbins the two nicest smelling franchises in the world)… anyway. If you’re going to have a Jesus fish on your car:

  1. Don’t advertise an illegal enterprise.
  2. Don’t swear when a light turns red (in case of lip readers).
  3. Don’t speed.
  4. Don’t partake in road rage.
  5. Don’t tailgate.
  6. Don’t honk your horn.
  7. Don’t extend your middle finger in another driver’s direction.
  8. Don’t talk on your mobile phone.
  9. Don’t cut in front of anyone.
  10. Make sure you give way to pedestrians, let other people in at busy intersections, and let people change lanes when they’re indicating.

These are all reasons not for me to put a stupid Jesus fish sticker on my car. And probably for you not to put one on yours. Here are some reasons you shouldn’t have a Jesus Fish on your car from urban dictionary. If you want people to know you’re a Christian – tell them the gospel. Or wear a good novelty T-Shirt.

,

Sign of the times

If there’s one thing I hate more than atheists advertising on buses (actually I don’t hate that – “probably no God” – where’s the commitment…) – it’s so called “Christians” doing nutty things to give the rest of us a bad name.

The Westboro Baptist church systematically protests at the funerals of dead US soldiers becaues they believe the US system’s lax stance on homosexuality. I don’t think they read the bits in the bible where Jesus hangs out with sinners, prostitutes and tax collectors… anyway, kudos to this guy for his funny sign campaign. If you can’t beat them – join them.

,

The crux of it

How is it that some people can so comprehensively miss the point? Sometimes you discover things that you can only hope are some elaborate hoax, satire or cheap parody. LarkNews is one of my favourite websites – it harmlessly pokes fun at church culture with articles like this one, or this one. So when I clicked on a banner ad on their main page taking me through to this site – I expected to be met with more merciless parody. Unfortunately this seems genuine. How is it that these “Christians” can completely and utterly miss the point of the cross.

This is prosperity doctrine gone mad. For those who haven’t clicked the link:

“The Nazareth Cross Project aims to build the world’s largest and most impressive cross, standing at 60 meters tall, housing a magnificent church in its center. The cross will be decorated by some 7.2 million brilliant mosaic tiles of varying sizes, each one with a personal engraving. These tiles will be made of stone from Nazareth, or platinum, silver or gold.”

But that’s not all – you too can be part of this monumental project.

“7.2 million tiles will cover this majestic structure, each one engraved with a name. The purchaser will be able to choose both the material and location of the tile on the cross. By acquiring a tile with your inscription, you are connecting to the Holy Land in a most unique and profound manner. In the very heart of Nazareth, where the Virgin Mary heard that she had found favor with God, you will declare your belief in God’s mercy towards you or a loved one for generations to come.”

But wait, there’s more.


“The breathtaking Church with its panoramic view will be located at the intersection of the arms of the cross, 15 stories high, and will contain over 4500 square feet of floor space.In the 2.5 square miles (5 km2) surrounding this monumental cross, a visitor center will be built to offer a unique inspirational experience as well as a world-class educational and leisure center.”


“The central location of the church together with a circular monorail transportation system will provide pilgrims easy access to and from the historic Christian churches, the Fountain of Mary and the city’s central bazaars.”

Once you’ve paid up for your platinum tile it’d be a shame not to visit this spectacular eyesore, and they’ve thought it out so that those unable to travel can enjoy the decadence and “inspiration” on offer…

“This church will provide a stunning 360° panorama and an inspirational worship setting… This Church will serve Christian groups, both pilgrims and locals, with a setting for special services, such as Baptism, Dedications, and Matrimony. The services within the Church can be arranged to be broadcast over the Internet so that family and friends who are unable to attend can share in the experience of Nazareth.”

Sounds just as humble and austere as Jesus wanted people to be when he told us to “take up the cross and follow him.”