Tag Archives: toilet humour

How to go to the toilet properly

Look. This is the type of “science” that tobacco companies roll out to sell more cigarettes. And it contains a bit of an historical error in the first minute – people have been sitting on toilets rather than squatting for much longer than 100 years. One only has to visit Roman ruins, or read about Luther’s toilet seat ruminations, to know that this is the case… but anyway. Lest you live your life uneducated and “doing it wrong” when it comes to your number 2s…

I give you… the Squatty Potty.

Breaking News: The headline this story just had to have

I’ve just become a wanted criminal in at least one country should I ever visit it. Just ask my wife…

Apparently serial farters in Malawi are going to be in big trouble. The country is cracking down on passing gas. Since the Daily Mail broke the story on January 28 the Internet has gone into a little bit of meltdown as people crack wise about the proposed law – which aims to make better and more thoughtful citizens.

“One Malawian told the website Africanews.com: ‘My goodness. What happens in a public place where a group is gathered. Do they lock up half a minibus?

‘And how about at meetings where it is difficult to pinpoint ‘culprits’?

‘Children will openly deny having passed bad air and point at an elder. Culturally, this is very embarrassing,’ she said.”

What a story. This is what responsible government looks like people.

Your gas life now

This is just bizarre. Watch this video.

Whoopee Cushion Life Teaser from North Point Church on Vimeo.

That, friends, is a video trailer for a sermon series. At North Point Church.

It’s called Whoopee Cushion Life.

Honestly. Whoever had that idea should be fired. Or Dutch ovened. Or Dutch ovened then fired.

Here, if you can stomach the intro again, is the first sermon from the series.

Whoopee Cushion Life: Pull My Finger from North Point Church on Vimeo.

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Charting the social acceptability of peeing in public

This is no laughing matter. It’s serious sociology people. Get with the program.

So, because you all need to think more deeply about your innate desire to pee in public, here’s a graph representing the social acceptability of said action (or other peeing related actions) and the outcomes of such pressure on your bladder. This social pressure creates real pressure.

From the artist/sociologist:

This was something I used to help me think through the two main axes that determine peeing behavior – biological and social control. Urination is a biological function that has been subjected to a great degree of social control. Unfortunately, urban design has not kept pace with the demand for clean, easily accessible public restrooms for humans. And there has been no attempt to create any kind of system to deal with canine urine. In most cities it is illegal for humans to pee in public but both legal and widely accepted for dogs to pee where ever they like (in New York, they cannot pee on the grass in parks).

Mind your pees and queues

When we stopped over in Singapore I noticed the urinals there had the old “fly on the wall” trick, designed to encourage better aim and reduce mess for the cleaning staff. It’s a beautiful nudge.

This one is better. It has nothing to do with “queues” except that less time cleaning means more time being used…

You can buy them to install at home. When the target (the dangling ball) gets a spray it changes colour. Clever stuff.

The things Fox calls news: Boy passes gas on school bus

I think this might be old.

But it doesn’t stop it being a damning indictment on the editorial policies of local branches of Fox News.

Seriously.

“Boy farts on school bus, gets detention” wouldn’t have even been given a run in my school newspaper.

The lazy man’s urinal

Most guys won’t admit to having substituted a sink for a urinal in a moment of desperation. But they’ll certainly have considered it. Or so I’m told.

So this invention – a urinal with a built in sink. Is a piece of engineering genius.

And it’s good for the environment too.

“To save water, Eco Urinal is designed to use the water that was used for washing hands to flush the urine. By this process, we don’t have to use water twice after using the urinal.
Moreover, it reduces the establishment expenses by optimizing the materials. Upper space of this urinal is made with glass, and it helps to secure a clear view for users. It also promotes people to keep their sanitation because people need to wash their hands to flush the urine after use.”

Weighty Issue: Part 2

Some time ago I posted about an invention that monitors the weight component of your toilet transaction. It looks like they weren’t the first to think that idea up – here is a patent submission for a very similar item, from 1924.


Can you imagine people’s Facebook statuses with this sort of thing. “is proud of little Johnny whose bowel movement just registered 700gm on our toilet scale.”

One small step for man, one giant leap for oversharing.

Say it with manure: in the mail

Delivering a pile of steaming manure to the doorstep of your frenemy (or their letterbox) has never been easier.

Poopsenders have a selection of manures that they will mail, with the above card, to your most hated friends. They’ve got elephant and gorilla manure on offer – so it’s not just your run of the mill waste.

Pull up a stool

I know what keeps my customers satisfied. Poo jokes. Have you heard of the Bristol Stool Scale? This is a public health announcement – but I don’t want you sharing in the comments. Here’s a nicely rendered chart for your bathroom wall – it’s better than the wikipedia image.

From the never more aptly named “Flowing Data.”

Noise reducing toilet stool

Tired of hearing your significant other “falling” from such great heights. Would you like to reduce the noise associated with your visits to the water closet? It would no doubt make phone conversations while on the toilet less awkward. You definitely need, note – not want, one of these kneeling stools (if you don’t want to spend your hard earned you could just pinch one from an Anglican Church somewhere).

You could sit, but not only is that unbecoming a man, you also risk splashing the rim. Enter the Pee Without Noise stool. Kneeling on its soft cushions positions you at the exact right height to land your stream in the bowl at a much-reduced velocity and volume level. This simple, elegant tool could save your dignity, your relationship, or even your life (if there’s a robber in the house but you just have to go)!

What I love is the subtle use of the colour yellow in the marketing… and the angel’s oddly phallic wand.