The final installment

Well readers, I’m sure you’re as sick of reading about my correspondence with Edward NKanga as I am. So I decided to bring this situation to a close. I was listening to a bit of Gomez when inspiration struck. I’d get myself arrested. I created a new gmail account – Officer Max Power can be contacted at corruptioninvestigation@gmail.com. In the meantime I received the following email from Edward, and further instruction from the banker, Mr Thomas Wood.

Dear Tobias,

Thank you very much for your mail.I am very pleased
that you have taken step in the right direction regarding the inheritance
claim.

Thank you very much for the compliment on my family and i
pray that we get to come together and share a very mutual relationship in the
near furture.

Regarding the accept of the bankers,i do not see any
reason for you to worry.I have already told you previously that all modalities
are already in place.My good friend i want you to try as much as possible to
adhere to all instruction given to you by the bank.

Remain
blessed,
Edward Nkanga

The bank apparently requires me to supply the following information to support my claim – does anyone have a spare $US5500 handy?

Requirement for an account activation.
1,Copy of ID or
passport.
2,An amount of US$5,500 for activation.
3,Transfer appraisal
form. Find attached.

Kindly fill attached form and forward to
us. Thus, you are officially advised to effect the transfer of the account
activation charges of US$5,500.00 only, directly to the Transfer Director’s
Account Officer. The payment will be forwarded to you upon your response.

Apparently for just a low, low fee of $5,500 I could have been a multi-multi-billionaire. But it was too late – my time as a corporate fugitive was coming to an end. Tobias was in trouble. I sent this email to the banker:

I have to cancel this transaction – the authorities are on to me – I will be fleeing to the Bahamas – I’ll advise you of any forwarding address. Please help me by destroying all records of correspondence with me.

Yours
faithfully,

Tobias.

And this email to my good friend Edward:

I have to cancel this transaction – the authorities are on to me – I will be fleeing to the Bahamas – I’ll advise you of any forwarding address. Please help me by destroying all records of correspondence with me. I am in desperate need of this help – I fear I may have to turn to violence to solve this problem and trust that you would be prepared to harbour me until this all blows over.

I have received an anonymous tip off that the Australian Fraud Squad have tracked my emails and are presently preparing for my address – pray that I will escape their clutches. I trust that you will find a suitable way to continue with this transaction in my absence.
I suspect that Mr Wood was not all he seemed to be and he may in fact have provided my name to the authorities. I am deeply angered at him and my vengeance will be swift and sure – I have already started tracking his address through IP tracking technology and he can expect to feel the full extent of my wrath in the near future – I hope his untimely demise does not adversely affect your ability to do business with the bank. My private army the Raging Daschunds will tear the still beating organs from his body and smite him with all the vengeance of a school of Piranesi dancing fish. We will not be mocked.

My warm regards to your beautiful family. I am sorry that we never had the chance to meet in person.

Yours faithfully,

Tobias.

Then Max Power stepped in with this email to both parties.

To Whom It May Concern,

We wish to inform you of the arrest of one of your correspondents a Mr Tobias Walther Schranner for the crime of Internet Fraud. Mr Schranner has been charged for launching and participating in several online transactions of a dubious nature. We have every reason to believe that he was intending to lure you into such a deal using the Queensland Scam – a mutation of the famous Nigerian Scam email fraud.
Mr Schranner lures unsuspecting business people into trusting relationships before stealing vital personal information. He has been known to extort or murder his victims in the pursuit of personal wealth. He has vast resources and a personal army of dubious characters at his disposal. We believe he continues to pose a risk to your person even while under guard. Please take all measures necessary to
protect yourselves and stay safe.
If you have had any correspondence with this hardened criminal could you please forward it to this account for monitoring. We believe we have intervened at a crucial time for your safety and warn you to comply to our requests or risk prosecution.

The penalties involved with this particular scam involve the revokation of the licence to practice business and we expect that this Mr Schranner will be prevented from operating further fraud in the future. If we can find the required proof the prosecution are expected to seek capital punishment. Our capital city is Canberra and its prison is legendary in its harsh treatment of white collar criminals.

Thank you for
your cooperation

Max Power,
Special Agent,
Anti-Corruption Squad,
Internet Security Branch 74
Coonabarabran,
Australia

The author

Nathan runs St Eutychus. He loves Jesus. His wife. His daughter. His son. His other daughter. His dog. Coffee. And the Internet. He is the campus pastor at Creek Road South Bank, a graduate of Queensland Theological College (M. Div) and the Queensland University of Technology (B. Journ). He spent a significant portion of his pre-ministry-as-a-full-time-job life working in Public Relations, and now loves promoting Jesus in Brisbane and online. He can't believe how great it is that people pay him to talk and think about Jesus.

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