Category Archives: Scambaiting

Project Update: The Scambaiter’s Cookbook

Just so you know I haven’t been resting on my laurels on this one…

From my new friend:

“I am really happy that you are showing interest to know the food I like and other things that makes me happy. That is very good of you and I really appreciate that.

But my dear I would want you to understand that the only thing that will make me happy for now is helping me to transfer my inheritance into your account so that you can send me enough money to arrange my traveling documents to meet with you there in your country.Honestly life here in this camp is truly miserable and my earnest expectation is to leave this camp.

Notwithstanding my dear my best dish as you have asked is white rice and fried plantain with vegetable salad.Other one is our local food called acheke with our local sauce which i shall teach you how to prepare when we are finally together.”

Hopefully a recipe will be coming shortly.

,

I had a brilliant idea…

I’m currently working on a little project that may take up some of my discretionary blog related time, but hopefully will produce some blog related fruit. And since I can’t keep a secret. I’ll tell you.

If, like the majority of my current traffic, you’ve only been reading here for a short time, you may have missed all the fun of my scambaiting efforts. Check them out. They’re probably the best bits of original content I’ve ever produced… For the uninitiated – scambaiting is when you deliberately lead on the people who send you scam emails, you know, the ones promising you a marriage with a beautiful African girl, or untold riches from some deceased estate…

I worked pretty hard to get a photo of a scammer holding a sign with a Bible verse on it. It was a long road. A journey. But it paid off.

My new venture is a Scambaiter’s Recipe Book. It will doubtless be a pastiche of hastily googled recipes submitted by scammers upon request. But it will be a recipe book made up of recipes sent to me by scammers, representing the cuisine of their country of choice. I will then, if the ingredients aren’t too outlandish, cook the recipe and take a photograph of it.

I’ve sent off my first batch of requests. I’ll let you know how I go.

,

The story of Ikenna Ukaigwe and the Bible Verse Picture

A little while ago now I shared with you this picture from my Nigerian friend Ikenna. I promised to tell you the story behind the picture – and at that stage I was hoping he would provide me with the long awaited John 3:16 photo. But it was not to be. Our conversations have become cold and distant of late – he barely even replies to my emails and when he does they are monosyllabic requests for money. I don’t pay these guys in advance, or indeed upon production of the goods.

For the record:

1Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

5He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Ikenna first contacted me in April. His first email is included in full below – you might be interested to know that I don’t have an official church website, but I had, in previous correspondence with a couple of other scammer accounts suggested that I worked for a church that was looking for mission partners overseas. These scammers often try to pull theological heartstrings – and I figured they were more ripe for supplying me with a Bible verse themed photo. Here’s what my friend Kenny had to say:


“I am a regular visitor to your church official website and i must acknowledge that your church, from what i read from your website is worth joining and i also wish you can come down here to open a branch of your church because since i got to know your church i have been looking everywhere for a branch of your church but i could not see it, at least this will give me and some other people the opportunity to worship with you from here.

Since i read about your church in a foreign magazine my friend gave to me, i have always wished to become a member and that is why i am writing you. The zeal to become a member of your church is due to the fact that i am convinced that the establishment of your church is a true vision from God and as such, i wish to also be a part of that vision to enable me improve and grow in my spiritual life.

I will like you to let me know what i am supposed to do to become am member of your church and also i will like you to send me some of your church bulletin or order of your church service to enable me follow up in all your church activities from here. may the good lord bless and keep you safe in HIS hands, i will keep praying for the church and also pray that you will find me worthy to accept my request, Amen.”

Well. This seemed like a pretty good opening. So I replied – sowing the seeds of my little scheme to land the photo, I got straight to the point:

“I am thrilled to hear that you have discovered my church. Where do you live? We are currently looking for mission partners in foreign countries who we will generously support as part of our annual Global Bible Knowathon.

If you would like to be a part of this upcoming prayer and fundraising event please send me a photo of yourself holding a sign with your favourite verse of scripture. This photo will be featured in our mission slideshow and will help us to raise funds for gospel ministry in your country.”

He responded quickly. The thing about friend Kenny is that he was so eager to please:

“I was so happy to hear your reply to my mail to you, i must tell you that i really wish to a part of your church. I live in Nigeria and i’m also a Nigerian. As regards the prayer even, i will like to be part of it. I will send you the photograph as soon as possible so that necessary things procedure can be followed.

Thank you and may the lord bless you, Amen.”

I kept on reeling him in, sensing that I might finally have cracked the scambaiting code:

“I am very excited to hear that you will be a mission partner. Please send me the photo as soon as possible so that we can start supporting you in prayer and petition, and through our weekly mission offering.”

But then I didn’t hear from him for two weeks – so I sent him a reminder:

“Is it at all possible that we might get a photo of you holding a sign with a Bible Reference written on it in time for our church service next Sunday?”

His excuse was that he had been sick, and in hospital.

“Sorry i have not written you to send the picture as promised,i have been very sick and been in the hospital but i promise you this i must get this picture before the sunday you talked about.

Thank you for your concern for me, God will bless you.”
This was the first in a string of emails that he sent me without waiting for my reply. The next one included the photo:


“How are you and your entire members of the church doing? I hope the good lord is taking good care of you all. Here is the picture and the bible quotation ( Revelation Chapter 21 vs 1 to 5), it is my favorite and it makes my heart glad and it also make me remember that God knows about my situation at all time. I run a small shop where i sell used clothes and other household things and that is where i took this picture.

I hope the picture gets a positive considerations. May the good lord be with you all in your exhibition.”

And when I didn’t acknowledge receipt immediately I got this one:

“How are you doing? Hope good.

I sent you my pictures yesterday, i hope you got, if you did, please let me know ok?

May the lord be with you, Amen.”

And then, somewhat impatiently, this one:

“I have not heard from you since i sent you my pictures, what is happening?”

Here is my reply – I didn’t want this fish to get away, so I hit him up for a second photo – this time with John 3:16 involved:
“Sorry I haven’t written back yet. Things have been so very hectic here.

The pictures look great. They will be very useful in our mission services. Please can you send me the details for the transfer of moneys raised.

Also, with those details, could you send me another photo with John 3:16 as the Bible reference – “For God so loved the world, that he sent his only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life”.

Could you underline the words “loved the world” – we believe this shows the importance of mission work.

Once again – thank you so much for your partnership in this matter. May you be blessed richly and abundantly through our friendship.

I apologise again for not replying to you.”

He responded, promising to deliver the goods:

“It’s so good to hear from you today, i must tell you that i was beginning to get worried over your silence since i sent the pictures. How did the service go? Did your church accept the pictures and the quotations? You asked me to give you details for you to send me money, how did the money come about? Please let me know in your mail but for the records, My full names are Ikenna Ukaigwe M. my address is [WITHHELD].

The pictures you asked me to send again, what will it be used for, please tell me, but i will send them ok? Please let me hear from you soon, i will be waiting, may the good lord bless and keep you and the members of your church, Amen.”

I had hopes. This was a bite, not a nibble. So I pulled out all the stops. I asked for personal details:

“I must apologise for the delay.

The money has not been collected yet – it will be collected in a service in two weeks time. Our mission service.

The pictures were acceptable – especially the one with you smiling. You look very happy in that photo, brother.

Brother, the pictures will be used in our mission book to be given to people for praying for other Christians around God’s wonderful creation. We will use your picture on the inside page, the John 3:16 picture will be on the cover of the book.

I will also need you to answer the following questions for a profile inside the book:

Your Name.
Your Age.
What church you are a part of in your home country.
How you became a Christian.
What you do for work.
What you do for fun.
Things that we, in Sydney, can pray for for you, in Nigeria

I look forward to learning more about you brother.”

Then disaster struck. Ikenna got “sick” again:
“I now understand what you mean by sending you the next picture with john 3.16. I want to believe that your church accepted my previous pictures as you said, i sent that picture because i want you and your church to know my best part of the bible but this one is just for the fact that you wish to use my photo for a purpose. I will still send it but i must also apologize for not sending it till now, i have been very sick, but i’m better now.

Expect the pictures and the information’s in my next mail may be tomorrow but brother Bruce i want to believe that my pictures will not be used in anything that will not be to the glory of God.

Thank you and may the good lord bless and keep you all, Amen”

I tried to reassure him:
“We will certainly be using the photos you sent me as indicated, the John 3:16 one is what we’re asking everybody involved from around the world to provide. We want their favourite verse and a John 3:16 one. Sorry I didn’t make this clearer from the beginning.”

And here’s where he pulled the bait-and-switch – asking me to give him money…

“I thank you so much for reassuring me of the use of my picture. But i am having some financial problems in sending you the pictures, my cameras got spoiled last week when my friend took it for a foto shoot, as a result i have prepared the placard with John 3:16 written on it but i have to go out and take this pictures and also scan it before i can send it to you, and this will cost me some money. Can you please help me out in any way.”

I would love to help. Truly. I would. But like any minister I am caught up in the whims of my elders and committees.

“I asked our elders, we can not help you until we have held the mission service, and we can not hold the mission service (to raise funds for you) without the John 3:16 photo.

It is my prayer that you will get this sorted out and that the Lord will provide you with all your labours deserve, and a working camera.”

Ikenna replied:

“I am really sorry for trying to bug the church, i really understand the way things works but i just felt like making a personal appeal on you to help but i didn’t know you will take it to the church, any way, i will see what i can do to make this work but i want you to be sure that i made you a personal appeal and i never intended the church to go against their normal procedures.”

I didn’t want to create any such expectations:

“Sorry Ikenna, I misunderstood. I look forward to receiving the photos. “

It turns out the clothes selling business isn’t great in Nigeria:

“i’m so sorry for not being able to send you the pictures, i am still battling with myself to see that i raise some money to do that, my camera is not yet fixed and things are very tough for me here but hopefully i will send it before this week runs off. i hope it’s not late yet.”

I decided this one had probably run its course – so I put forward a mega-request.

“No, it’s not too late. We run missions collections regularly. As soon as we receive the John 3:16 photo we will be ready to proceed. Oh, and we need your answers to the questions that I sent you for the profile we hand out on the day.

Here they are:

1. Full Name.
2. Date of Birth
3. Where do you live?
4. What is the name of your church?
5. Tell us a little bit about your family.
6. What is your job?
7. What do you enjoy doing with your time?
8. How do you serve your church?
9. What can we pray about for you?
10. What will you do with the money we send you?

And some for our children and youth (they like funny answers)
1. If you could have a special power, what would it be and why?
2. What is your favourite animal?
3. What is the silliest thing you have ever done?
4. How do you know that God loves you?
5. What do people eat for breakfast in your country?
6. What animal would win in a fight – a lion or a rhinoceros?
7. What is your favourite colour?
8. If you see somebody drop $100 on the street do you keep it or give it back?
9. Where is your favourite place to go?
10. If you were God for a day what would you do?

Thanks for your patience Ikenna. We look forward to receiving your photograph. Our last mission collection raised $2,700. People are really enjoying giving generously to our brothers and sisters around the world.”

Kenny stepped up his game too:

“I am still battling with the camera to take and scan the photograph, you may not understand how bad things are for me here but i pray that God will open your eyes to see.
May the name of the lord praise, i believe God can change things for me here.
ukaigwe”

And I sent what would prove to be my last piece of correspondence to Kenny:


“You managed to get the first photo very easily for me, I think you’ll be able to use your initiative to get me this second photo.

I look forward to receiving it so that we as your brothers can do our bit to bring about change in your world.”

If you google Ikenna’s name you’ll find him on Facebook and a couple of other social networks with just a profile picture and no developed legend. He doesn’t really seem like a very competent scammer. Anybody who has read anything about going undercover knows you need a good legend.

This wasn’t my funniest scambait to date – Dr Paul is going to take some beating. But it was my most fruitful.

A curious confession

Remember Dr Paul? If not you can read my past correspondence with him here (and check out our phone calls on YouTube).

He sent me a curious email today – four months after our last exchange.

Here’s what he had to say for himself… Now I have to decide how to respond. I’m 99.999999% sure that he is going to try to scam me again. Lets see how it goes.

Dear.
How are you today. my dear i want to tell you some thing now. for now am child God now that name Dr paul acquah is not my name, my really name is Emmanuel onyekwere am from Nigheria i came down to ghana because of problem that is why am start anwser Dr paul acquah. so now am child God i have give my life to Jesus that is why am telling you the truth now. so my dear if you like to contact me back this is my email address
emmanuelonyekwere@hotmail.com, this is my mobile if you like to call me so i will tell you more. +233-24-1111-297, my dear one advice i want to give you any  body that contact you from Africa told you that you have consignment please dont follow the person he want to scam you money at last you can not get any thing. so my dear if you can move head will me i will open you eye for you and tell you more things in inter net.my dear i will like you to been my good friend. Am looking forward to hear from you soon.

Yours Friend
Mr.Emmnuel onyekwere

I wrote back…

Dear Emmanuel,

I’m glad we are now being honest with one another – and I am happy to hear that you have come to know Jesus.

Perhaps, as a token of good faith, you would now be prepared to send me a photograph of yourself – and so I know it is you – perhaps you would like to include a verse from the Bible on a sign that you are holding.

I look forward to hearing more from you.

Your friend,

Nathan

The continuing tale of Pastor Akre and his inability to use a camera

When last we heard from Pastor Akre he had missed a deadline for the supply of his promised photographs.

Here we pick up the tale with an apology and another moving of the goal posts.

In the meantime, a couple of other scambaiters running scams with the same gentleman have emailed me their trophies – making me more determined than ever to get photographs for my calendar – despite the fact that it is now November.


Pastor Akre

22 October 2009 06:44

To: Bruce Johnson

Brother,

This letter to thank you say to you for the physical support that spiritual that you to grant us while carrying out this collaboration who I think by the grace of the Eternal, will lead us very far!

This evening, I will not be very long, because very tired by these various races, then I to simply will say you that we are here on the right track, we are spirit to find an area of agreement to finish the work which we must forward to you and right after reception of the funds that we will take delivery of, we will settle the debts here!

Thus, allow me to give you a new date of reception which I think until before the end of this week will be necessary so that you obtain us to them various photographs!

Then let us put all that in prayer and that God blesses our collaboration!

Pastor AKRE


22 October 2009 07:58

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
I look forward to receiving these photographs before the end of this week. Please do your best to do so so that we can bring this matter to a fitting conclusion and move on to greater things together.
I look forward to seeing your work so that we can move to bringing you and yours to our celebration service.
In Christ,
Bruce

2009/10/22 Pastor Akre


26 October 2009 08:51

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
Greetings in the Lord’s name.
Could you have the photos to us by tomorrow please?
We have been very patient. But in order to have the calendar printed in time for our launch (to which you are invited) we will need to have the photos by no later than tomorrow.
In Christ,
Bruce

 


Pastor Akre

27 October 2009 06:33

To: Bruce Johnson

Good evening Bruce,

I come by this note to greet you in the Saint Name of the Powerful Whole dear brother, because you became a whole brother with share with us currently!

Also, it would be necessary to add and to recognize that the time required for the design and the sending of the photographs which you asked was really a long test and there we recognize also your patience compared to all that!

Cause for which the latter message that we forward to you is the confirmation and a last request to say to you that the pulling of the photographs is entirely finished this evening vis-a-vis all these problems which we had so far, causes for which we ask you for a time still 72 Hours say until Thursday October 28, 2009 Minuit to transfer you the photographs because our technicians must work there above because it is for the establishment of calendar!

Then sincerely grant to us this last chance which is also for us to have the peace of the heart while having blessed your wishes but by allowing us the withdrawal of the three quarter of the financial body floors of our ministry which we used to arrive until this stage dear brother!

Receive dear brother the blessing of the Saint Spirit and that it fills you and keeps but at the same time takes along you to accept this final deadline!

Pastor AKRE


27 October 2009 15:04

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
I have received your message.
Please note that if you fail to meet this deadline we will be forced to cancel this transaction.
In Christ,
Bruce


Pastor Akre

27 October 2009 22:42

To: Bruce Johnson

Brother,

Still thank you for the interest and the attention that you to carry to our structure!

As be into sour as we will not miss this deadline which we have just given you and in the Saint Name of the Powerful Whole, you will receive, the photographs without problem at the date indicated!

Also, concerning the various invoices to be established for our financial equalization with which do they have to be addressed? God blesses you brother!

Pastor AKRE


28 October 2009 12:21

To: Pastor Akre

Please address the invoices to Bob Bennett (whose email address you have) with reference to the:
Hillsong United Missions Calendar Project.
These invoices will be paid promptly upon the receipt of the files.
Regards,
Bruce


Pastor Akre

29 October 2009 23:16

To: bruce.mark.johnson@gmail.com

Dear brothers as a Christ, come here the day of glory!

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Brother,

I am really happy to forward to you these photographs because it is the work of a whole life carried out and this ministry is all my family and God even being the supreme Master of the armies and the my eternal knows it, then take care (photographs) and realize together, the work of God!

But you will have to still receive other photographs in our following emails!

Pastor AKRE


30 October 2009 10:53

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
Where are the signs we asked for?
They are clearly not holding signs bearing the verses we asked for.
We can not make payment for photographs we can not use.
You have ignored all my instructions.
I am very disappointed.

2009/10/29 Pastor Akre


31 October 2009 13:38

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
Can you let me know when we will be receiving the photos we agreed on.
That is photos of individual people from your church holding signs containing the verses we agreed upon.
You can’t play dumb and tell me that you didn’t agree to do this – I sent you a word document with the verses we required.
Without this there will be no payment, and we will have to delay the launch of the calendar. You have put our project in peril.
I urge you to supply the photos we have agreed to as soon as possible if you want to recover the costs you have outlayed in preparation for our partnership.
In Christ,
Bruce

2009/10/30 Bruce Johnson


Pastor Akre

1 November 2009 21:34

To: Bruce Johnson

Bruce,

Thank you to give us a chance to be able to catch up with all funds which we invested in this project in the hope of us to leave with benefit allowing us to rehabilitate our structure and to join you in Australia!

Cause for which, we ask you to give us until Friday November 6, 2009 to put order in all that and to forward to you the photographs with the various biblical verses, but will know that the invoice that you received and it is by western union that will have to be made the transaction remains the same one!

God blesses you!

Richard AKRE


1 November 2009 21:55

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
Is there any chance you might get these to me sooner than the 6th?
As has always been our stated policy, we will only pay for the photographs when we receive them.
Please do not mess us around Pastor Akre, we must release this calendar by the end of the month.

2009/11/1 Pastor Akre


Pastor Akre

2 November 2009 23:13

To: Bruce Johnson

Brother,

We have just received in the fine shape your message!

Then we are with the current of the width that will be able to take if the partnership stops there or even if you do not receive the photographs at wanted times, causes for which even these photographs that we forwarded to you was on the whole about thirty, but we are obliged to stop and take again the old system!

Thus you will receive at the date indicated the photographs with the verses quite as built-in, then is pleasant and soft with us because it is still of other expenses engaged in record time so that all that is transmitted to you within a reasonable delay!

God protects you!

Pastor AKRE


6 November 2009 11:04

To: Pastor Akre

Akre,
I look forward to receiving the photos today.
In Christ,
Bruce

2009/11/2 Pastor Akre


7 November 2009 09:55

To: Pastor Akre

Dear Pastor Akre, 

Where are the photos?

We can not keep the calendar from the printers for much longer. Please send them today or we will have to cancel this transaction.

Bruce

2009/11/6 Bruce Johnson


8 November 2009 09:17

To: Pastor Akre

Dear Pastor Akre,
Unless I receive the photos in the next 48 hours this deal is off.
It would sadden me to cancel our transaction when you have incurred real costs. Please let me know where we’re up to in our transaction.
We are desperately close to having to launch the calendar and I have started conversations with some other contacts in Africa to replace you.
We have had to push the date of our launch back and will provide details for your flight bookings once we receive the photos.

2009/11/7 Bruce Johnson


10 November 2009 09:26

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
My dear brother. Where are the photos?
We are very worried now – we have not heard from you for some time.


11 November 2009 10:00

To: Pastor Akre

Brother Akre,
We are in desperate need of these photographs. Can you please give us a revised estimate for their delivery?

2009/11/10 Bruce Johnson


Pastor Akre

11 November 2009 22:59

To: Bruce Johnson

Bruce brother,

Me in the same way Pastor AKRE, I am in the embarrassment concerning the delivery of the photographs to the time given!

I explain you that, because it is concerning my parishioners who work with me which has for a cause of nonpayment of the third of their initial payment that some between them voluntarily took the load of blocked the process as long as they did not receive their not had.

However as you know it well all my personal investment and two thirds of my ministry entered this project which we have establish together!

Then by the grace of God and his work which we are spirit to establish, please help us or to financially help me for their pay (my employees) which will be deduce from the initial amount of the $ 8.300 Dollars that should pay you for the photographs.

I ask you that because this morning even, we held still together a meeting and it is the condition which they are spirit to ask me so that you can receive as of payment of $ 2.450 Dollars which represents the amount of their pay all the photographs established for you! Thus by the grace of God the powerful whole, prayer to take the load personally to spend this sum which will be withdrawn the rising initial one as of reception of this letter per western union at my following address:

AKRE RICHARD ALEX

10 BP 1085 Abidjan 10

City: Abidjan

Country: Ivory Coast,

Amount : $ 2.450 Dollars

Impatiently and very quickly, I await your positive response to forward to you all these photographs to honour our engagements to both with respect to God and the ceremony which will be held in Sydney (Australia).

God fills you his grace!

Pastor AKRE

00225 44604123

NB: Unite to me on the telephone as soon as you made the western union so that I can put them in confidence at the sight of the transaction and to send the photographs by their intermediary to you!


12 November 2009 09:51

To: Pastor Akre

Dear Pastor Akre,
I think I have been reasonably clear on this matter right from the beginning regarding both our deadlines and requirements.
You have failed to meet all criteria laid out for this transaction.
Our policy on this matter is clear – we will not make payment without receiving the completed work.
Please, I must insist, send me the photographs I have asked for without delay with the signs bearing the verses included in the Word Document forwarded to you some weeks ago.
This is not a complex request. All you need to do is find a few people, give them the signs, and take the photos. I don’t know why you need to hire apparatus. Any camera will do.
Our graphic design team will ensure the photographs are reproduced in a usable quality.
I must insist that we be sent the photos in the next 24 hours. Along with an up to date invoice bearing your costs.
If this does not occur we will not be able to bring you to Australia for the launch. We will still make payment for the photos when they are received, but if you miss our deadline we will not be able to use your photos until next year’s edition of the calendar. This may delay payment also until the new financial year.
Please send me these photographs promptly my brother.
Bruce

2009/11/11 Pastor Akre


13 November 2009 09:00

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
If I do not receive the photos by  tomorrow we will be forced to leave you out of this year’s calendar. We have extended our deadlines too far already and now urgently need to complete this work.
If you want our partnership to continue past this transaction – as a church we are considering supporting you as mission partners – then please meet our requests on this one.
Your response so far has been quite disappointing and makes us wonder if you are serious about developing a brotherly relationship with our fellowship.
In Christ,
Bruce

2009/11/12 Bruce Johnson


15 November 2009 00:27

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
I have managed to pull some strings and organised an extension for you until Monday.
I have had to pay our printing company a 10% surcharge – I expect you to reduce your invoice by this amount in order to compensate us for your inability to produce the photographs in time.
In Christ,
Bruce

2009/11/13 Bruce Johnson


Pastor Akre

16 November 2009 23:19

To: Bruce Johnson

Bruce,

I have just found a means of making come the photographs be-with-to say to be able to pay the fees of my workers so that they give me the photographs and to forward them to you.

This means it is the following, an economic operator has just given me the guarantee to pay the expenses, be-with-to say the fees of my workers Thursday, there I could in all impatiality forward to you the photographs as soon as that is done.

Then I can have this final deadline?

Pastor AKRE


17 November 2009 09:46

To: Pastor Akre

If you promise to get me the photos by Thursday you will have your payment in full, for all costs as invoiced, by Friday.
Please keep me up to date with delays.
If you can get just one photo to me today, with one of the Bible Verses, our designer can start working on the cover. If we have a cover organised we can go ahead with a launch in early December that we would be happy to invite you to attend.
We will be able to hold the launch and take orders for the calendar there. Even if we don’t have it fully printed until late December.
Please let me know if you are able to send through a single image ahead of the rest.
Bruce

2009/11/16 Pastor Akre


21 November 2009 08:51

To: Pastor Akre

Akre,
You promised me the photos by Thursday. You have missed another deadline. Please explain and provide the photographs immediately.

2009/11/17 Bruce Johnson


23 November 2009 11:07

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
I am sorry to inform you that unless circumstances change in the next 24 hours and we receive the photographs we will be walking away from this transaction and canceling any plans for partnership with your church.
You have so far proved to be most unreliable – unable to meet conditions imposed by yourself, or instructions given by us.
It is our decision, as a parish council, to find alternative (more reliable) means of securing our photographs.
We apologise for the costs you have incurred while trying to fulfill our requirements – but feel that much of your expenditure has proved largely unnecessary.
This is an example of poor stewardship of the resources God has given you – and we hope you’ll learn from this when engaging in future transactions.
We wish you, and your church, all the best in your future ministries. We are saddened that we could not continue to pursue this arrangement to its conclusion.
If you have managed to source the photos – or even one photo – as requested – please send it to us. If you do we will grant you an extension by which to supply all 10 agreed photographs.
We will make full payment upon receipt of the ten photographs.
We are very disappointed that our trust in you has clearly been misplaced. The delay in releasing our calendar is costing us money – money that would have been used to offset your costs in production, and to bring you to Australia for our launch service.
In Christ,
Bruce 

2009/11/21 Bruce Johnson


Longest scambaiting post ever

This is a long and drawn out piece of scambaiting.

It started on the 20th of August. And is still going. I will edit the transcript in order to make it slightly more readable. I’ll keep the whole 9,000 words somewhere handy though. Just in case you want to read it.

BIBLICAL NOTE: EXIT OF NEW TESTAMENT: GALLATES 2,3 Verse 20

I was crucified with Christ; and if I live, this  it’s more me which screw, it’s Christ who lives in me, if I live now in the wine storehouse, I live in the Faith with the Son of God, who I liked and which it’s even for me is delivered.

Hello,

We are an ONG (Governmental organization) having for denomination LIFE, FAITH & CHRISTIANISM, we are here localised in Abidjan (Ivory Coast – West Africa) and come by this letter to inform you of our wishes to collaborate with your structure in various fields even by adding your various services to it;

  • The fight against all the forms of exclusion
  • The defense and the covering of human dignity
  • To act effectively for employment of the handicapped people
  • To act for the women in precarious situation helps with the children war victims and conflicts of improvement of the conditions of hospitalization of the children
  • Assistance with the prisoners living in misery
  • Assistance for the children of the street
  • Helps with désœuvrés, the woman and the family
  • Faith as a God and Chretiennity Improvement of quality of the life Us kids any idea of " difference" between the Human ones.

Our will is to be useful for quality of life, the dignity of Human being thus with the safeguard of our planet.

Then dear collaborator future here is a little an account of what we do cause for which we let us ask you a partnership but for further information, prayer to join, the contact below,

Sincere greetings,

Richard AKRE

ONG LIFE, FAITH & CHRISTIANISM

I love it when these scammers have such a working knowledge of the Bible. Here’s my first response:

Greetings in the name of the Lord.

My brethren, it is timely that you write to me. I am a Christian man working for the Anglican Church of Brisbane, Australia.

I have been commissioned to produce a calendar for the church using photographs of Christians from around the world. I have been searching message boards to find Christian people to help me.

We need photographs of people from around the world holding an A4 piece of paper with their favourite Bible passage printed on it.

I urge you my brother to participate, and to have your friends and brothers in the Lord participate too.

We will pay you for the time associated with producing the photographs and for their ongoing commercial use in the calendar.
Please my brother, let me know if you are interested. Our time is running out to get this produced on time.

He took further steps to establish his credentials…

Dear brother as a Christ,

Sincere greetings and also thank you for promptitude with which you have to us forward your answer, because all this, they are works of our Lord Very Powerful Jesus Christ, who gave us the chance to be born and be able to exist, but in the good sense which is to follow it everywhere where we are;

We are indeed a Christian mission set up in an Governmental organization who has occupied herself for a few years of several fields and evils of the life of the human being, having been enumerated in our preceding note which you received.

Our establishment and our administration supplement are based in Ivory Coast ;

We have in our centre of the cabins as well as offices containing the direction, but without forgotten to mean here that this establishment of which we manage say the places to speak about the building who is our shelter for these various helps that we quoted above is under hiring since the beginning of the creation of our structure, then we detail you the assistance which we need and which you asked;

1. We have need so necessary and possible for a rehabilitation of our buildings because the various people (children, men & women), are in excess or in the contrary case a perfect acquisition with us of our places which will belong to us definitively.

2. We need, and this is very urgent because the return to school is spirit to start on our premises. We have in our centre 25 (Twenty Five) Minors having the age to be to provide education for, causes for which this point is paramount, therefore we need your assistance in the worst case cases in all these details than we give you than you help us to make provide education for these children. A help so that we can make known the good to be and sees it school with these various children for the majority orphans and other children of the street of going to school.

3. We would like, for this precise case, to give the chance to these various women to be likely to resume for others their various work and for what did not have a job of it so that our loads can dropped. But it would have to be known that this essential point is not inevitably a major and financial help coming from your share but a help enabling you to approach certain associations and organizations of your area which will enable us to provide for the various needs for these women.

4. This point is essential with the prisoners of prisons which go in the same direction with the third point that we quoted.

Dear collaborator as a Christ, here in a few words the first remarks which we can give you like information, but as know as for additional details, please join Pastor, with the address below.

Sincere greetings and that God the Powerful Whole, blesses you in advance for the assistance that you carry us and takes care at the same time on you and your family.

NB: Our concern first is to make provide education for in briefs times the children, the others will be able to come then after, for this, we await an urgent answer of you and in the briefs times because the return to school is close.

NB1: If you call, can you speak more french?

God blesses you like your family!

ONG Life, Faith & Christianity

Richard AKRE

 

The question now is can I land the fish…

I can not speak French at all. I am happy to talk to you in English by email.
My brother in the Lord it seems we have a confluence of opportunities. A meeting of the minds.

You are looking for donations to aid in the work of the Lord and I am paying money to aid in the work of the Lord.

Are you interested in doing business with me? My friend, tell me, did I mention my work in my last email to you? It seems so long ago.

I have been asked to produce a calendar for sale by my church. The calendar needs photos of people from all over the world, and we will pay money to cover your costs and for the ongoing commercial use of the image. We can negotiate an appropriate fee to ensure that your mission to your country receives a generous gift.

My friend, please let me know if you have a camera at your disposal – that is all you will need to complete this transaction. Our budget, because we expect to sell these calendars throughout the world, is quite large.

I look forward to hearing your reply.

His next email tried to get his little scam back on track. But I’m not interested in that, he wanted me to know it’s all legal

Dear,

You know, it is very good to know that you are spirit to become the man, who will open the doors of human and natural knowledge to these children in distress, causes for which since your first message, we have to initiate with our various members here on the spot meetings of prayer in your opposition.

Also concerning the legality of this business which puts to us in collaboration with you as being our at the same time associated benefactor and but also brother as a Christ, we would like that you know that this is 100% legal and without risk then did not fear because the word of God and the name even of the Very Powerful Jesus Christ are crowned things who do not deserve to be to expose, thus we think that you include/understand where we would like to come from there.

Thus, we would like, you having reassured to have certain explanation who are the following:

1. Concerning the children, be you ready to help us financially for the schooling of those c’ be-with-to say the twenty five (25) children?

2. Depending on the rehabilitation of our structure can we count on your financial supervision?

3. Etc….

Dear, these two fundamental points, quoted above, we can count on your contribution in briefs times?

NB:

– Of which country are you?

– Do you Have of the family?

– Can you give us the complete names of the members of your family so that we can insert them during our prayers for you?

Impatiently and with the will of the Powerful Whole, we thank you for this collaboration and request God the Powerful Whole which it eternally takes care on you and your family!

God blesses you!

ONG LIFE, FAITH and CHRISTIANITY

Pastor Richard AKRE

He seems to have missed my point. I best bring him back to the straight and narrow…

Dear Richard,
I wonder if you considered the opportunity I presented to you in my last email.

My brother we have a chance here to work together for the glory of the Kingdom.

I stand ready to assist you – but would find it most beneficial if we assist one another.

If you can provide photographs for use in the calendar project I am working on, my church – the Anglican Diocese of Brisbane – will provide direct payment for these photos, and a further generous donation to your ministries. But I must receive these photos as a sign of good faith first.

A reminder of my proposal – we are producing a commercial calendar featuring photos of Christians from around the world promoting the Bible as the Word of God. We want each person photographed to be holding a sign featuring their favourite Bible verse. We will pay for their costs associated with the photograph (negotiable) and an amount for the ongoing use of the photograph for our purposes ($US800 per photo).

Here are the answers to your queries:
1. We are more than happy to provide support and schooling for 25 children. Many more in fact. I think it might be a reasonable idea for each of these children to enter into a scholarship arrangement – where you provide their photos both for our congregation to pray for the children and for inclusion in the calendar – let me know if this works for you and your organisation.
2. You can count on the support of our church if we can count on you to support our work through prayer and these photographs.
3. I have spoken to my Bishop – we are happy to confirm funding for you if you are happy to participate in the Calendar project. I will need confirmation that this is possible before proceeding.

That seemed to do the trick.

Hello,

We are really very to impress by your messages, this being we will be direct with you known what follows: Initially, the negotiation that we would like to carry out with you do not have to be through a computer, we would like that this is physical thus, we are ready to move Mr Richard AKRE, to join you with all the complete project with a agreement of the children and all the project of our association to meet you over there in Australia to be discussed and fall a agreement on all the basic principles of this business!

It’s to be said the letter of invitation, the certificate d’ lodging and especially the ticket a plane for a short time?

He wants to send himself to visit? We can’t have that.

Greetings my brother,

I would prefer to finish this transaction as quickly as possible. The deadline for my calendar is next Wednesday.

I do not have time, if we are to conclude our partnership to the Glory of God, to bring Richard to Australia.

My church is ready to make the necessary payments to fund your ministry as soon as we receive the photographs for our calendar publication.

You can send as many photos as you want – and we will pay you for each – a production cost of $US50 and a payment for the ongoing commercial use of the photographs of $US1000.

Please let me know if this is possible urgently.
Bruce.

He seems to think that harping on about his fictional children is going to be the thing that persuades me…

Brother as a Christ,

How are you, we are very happy to have to you as collaborator, for our ministry and helps it with these children who are also creatures of God and which need to live, thus, we would like to know if it is always possible that you help for the schooling of the children, to give them an adequate space for their studies?

With much of anxiety and much from hope, we in vain await your message of confirmation which will give boom in the middle of these children so that they know that one never should lower the arms when there is hope, then pained which we are to find of the financing and the assistance, we carry all our hope on you and impatiently await a favorable answer of you in briefs times!

God fills you his grace brother!

Pastor AKRE

I think he has multiple personality disorder. He’s certainly not listening to what I have to say…

Brother Akre,

I am glad to hear from you again.

I will be happy to help under the conditions named in our previous correspondence.

I will provide $1,000 (US) per photograph I receive (of publishable quality) of yourself and the children holding a sign with their favourite verse from the Bible on it.

As I mentioned I need these urgently to produce the publication I am working on for the Catholic Diocese of Brisbane (http://bne.catholic.net.au/asp/index.asp).

Please get these photos to me as soon as possible. The Bishop has informed me that if you provide a number of photographs we will make a donation of $10,000 on behalf of the diocese.

Regards,
Bruce Johnson

And then there was silence. On the 31st of August I sent this email…

Dear Pastor Akre,
I don’t think you’ve understood the nature of this proposal.

We are happy to provide a donation to your church. Directly. And at a more generous level than this attachment suggests.

But we must first receive the photographs for this calendar. Otherwise I will have to pass this request on to our international missions branch and it will go into a pile of applications with hundreds of other international ministries.

I must stress. If you would like to receive payment promptly then we will supply you with $US1000 for every publishable photograph for use in our calendar. I will also need to send you a "release form" to allow us to use these images for commercial purposes. This isn’t a big deal.

If you send us 10 photos of people holding signs with their favourite Bible verse written on them we will send you $10,000.

Regards,
Bruce Johnson
Catholic Church
Diocese of Brisbane

I received no reply. But two weeks later Pastor Richard emailed me again… with a new opportunity… (almost the same email as the first one just with some new objectives)…

  • The fight against all the forms of exclusion
  • The defense and the covering of human dignity
  • To act effectively for employment of the handicapped people
  • To act for the women in precarious situation helps with the children war victims and conflicts of improvement of the conditions of hospitalization of the children
  • Assistance with the prisoners living in misery
  • Assistance for the children of the street
  • Helps with désœuvrés, the woman and the family
  • Faith as a God and Chretiennity Improvement of quality of the life Us kids any idea of " difference" between the Human ones.
  • Our will is to be useful for quality of life, the dignity of Human being thus with the safeguard of our planet.

OUR HOPES AND PROJECTS

• To create a center of reintegration for his/her children

• Provided education for in these times of crisis

• To build a vault

• To build a mosque for the Moslems

• To acquire funds to finance the projects of oldest

Then dear collaborator future here is a little an account of what we do cause for which we let us ask you a partnership but for further information, prayer to join, the contact below,

Sincere greetings,

Richard AKRE

I replied.

Pastor Richard,

You have emailed me before.
As a Christian I am very keen to help you. But I would like to propose a solution of benefit to both of us – where I help you, and you help me.
Please email me back for details.

PS. I don’t want to build a Mosque for the Muslims. Rather I want to convert them to Christianity.

 

Brother

But most important in that, is to have an approval of you to represent your structure say church here in West Africa, then prayer to announce to us in briefs times if it is possible and how to reach that point but initially can you bring an financial aid to our file so that we can acquire a financing which will allow these small human beings that the Lord left without support so that it can be provided education for and found the benches of the school like their friends having all of the parents?

God protects you from his grace!

Pastor AKRE

 

Dear Pastor Akre,

I am happy to help out as much as I can. And my church has some budget that may be able to be spent appropriately.

It is currently allocated to the production of our annual Global Missions Calendar.

This year we are seeking photographs of Christians from around the world, all the Christians we are featuring will be holding a sign, or having a sign in the photo, featuring their favourite Bible verse.

We want as many of these pictures as possible, and will pay $300 per photo for the rights to print them and sell the calendars to members of our church, and the wider Christian community.

Would you be interested? We can not pay up front – but we will most certainly pay as soon as we receive these pictures.

Mr Bruce Johnson,

Here, we are very happy to read you and of knowing that we can benefit from this privilege, but at the same time satisfy-you to pay continuation if some of our photographs reached to you that point?

But will know that with all that, it would be necessary $500 Dollars per photograph for us and not $300 because, it is difficult the acquisition of these photographs and the material to be used must be to thus rent to try to include/understand us, but with your positive agreement, we could forward to you seven photographs in our message, therefore prepare-you to make us the financial affair as of seven photographs at the same time as of reception.

Sincere greetings!

Pastor AKRE

$500? Outrageous.

Hi Pastor Akre,
Would you accept $400?
We are unable to pay before receiving the photographs because we need to make sure they are appropriate for our purposes.

 

Bruce,

I come by this letter to forward of good news following the business which we maintain together since then.

To made, I come to have the photographs that you ask me and I should be able to forward you two photographs currently, but being to fall on an area of agreement from $ 400 Dollars per photograph, I would like to be sure that you will make me a western union total of the two photographs as of reception of this letter so that I can forward them to you because I am spirit to take other photographs here.

But yourself you know that it is very hard to convince certain people without spending here one centime, causes for whom, I also take the trouble to financially remunerate those by which I take the photographs that I must dispatch you, then quickly include/understand to me and made something so that we can work quickly and in the good sense.

I can have your confirmation to forward to you the two photographs to have their money which I will use to continue work?

Also I could meet you one of these days?

AKRE

An advance fee hey? I’ve heard of those…

Great news Pastor Akre,
Before I pay – are you able to send one photo to me just so I can make sure it’s got the right quality (it must be of a printable resolution), and that you are on the right track.
While you do that I will contact my church office and have them prepare the transaction.

 

Bruce,

As been appropriate and promised, here is in enclosure, one of the first photographs which I would like to forward to you.

It is the photograph of three Christian cantors of our church and at the same time, they belong to the choral society of the young people. It is a photograph which is of type JPEG, with high-resolution, then I think that of photograph you will like this kind because I am spirit to still take others but it is not easy, because the goal of my subject by taking these photographs everyone with the church knows it and one would never have to lie on stories relating to a work of God, causes for whom each person with which I am spirit to work for the photographs sees herself financially thus remunerating I think that you also you will make the same thing with respect to me because I miss melt financial.

This being forwarded me as of reception of this photograph the $ 400 Dollars so that we can continue work and that for a perfect honesty and a frankness in the collaboration which we let us engage, thus I think that you always have my address to make me transfer by Western Union the $ 400 Dollars because I await them as of reception of this photograph and this mail.

God protects you brother!

AKRE

 

 

Pastor Akre,
Thanks for the photo. It is of a suitable quality – but could you demonstrate that you understand the requirements?
These women must be presenting their favourite Bible verse (preferably on a sign, or with a piece of paper in the photo somewhere).
Just having the reference (eg John 3:16) on the sign will be suitable.
When you send me a sample with the appropriate content I will run it by my board and have the transfer made to you as soon as possible.
Thank you so much for your time.
Bruce

Mr Bruce,

I think that we get along badly!

Because it was expected that you can advance the $ 400 Dollars of the first photograph of which you had reception and it is in any frankness and any honesty that one works on confidence, then I ask you to say to me if I receive this amount before continuing work and it is in the faith and fear of God that all this work is spirit to be accomplished.

Thus you want to also say that if I had to you forward enough of photograph of our parish, that to me went remained null and nonwhich occurred?

Has there include/understand me because me also since our beginning of relation and after having agreed to do this work for you, I spend are thus made here in as much!

Then what will please to me and to read in your next email, it is to have the sense of smell of the things and to be able to forward my due because here also I have make my market share by paying the work which I make and this why I make, then impatiently and in the next message address to me the receipt authenticated of the $ 400 Dollars, but I think all the same that you always have my address for sending of this sum by Western Union, of the need unite me on the telephone quickly!

God protects you!

AKRE

 

Dear pastor Akre,
I am sorry that you feel I have mislead you, especially since I have been very clear from the beginning.

It is unfortunate that your cooperation has come at an unexpected cost. I have spoken to my financial controller and we have agreed to cover your costs – subject to receiving an image that meets our requirements – you may recall that in our original missive I made the following offer:

“This year we are seeking photographs of Christians from around the world, all the Christians we are featuring will be holding a sign, or having a sign in the photo, featuring their favourite Bible verse.
We want as many of these pictures as possible, and will pay $300 per photo for the rights to print them and sell the calendars to members of our church, and the wider Christian community. "

if you can supply the photo as described we can now offer you $800, subject to an agreement that the extra money will be used for ministry.

Then silence…

Pastor Akre,
Any luck securing this photo?
We are nearing our deadline and holding a page for you. If the photo is of sufficient quality I have also pushed for it to be our cover photo (which would result in a further payment of $2000).
Please let me know your response immediately.
I will also need to send you some talent release forms that acknowledge that the people in the photos are willing to be featured in a commercially produced publication.

Then this…

Hi

It’s OK for me can you send the things now?

Pastor AKRE

Not good enough.

Pastor Akre,
I’ve spent the last few days in meetings about the production of this calendar.
Unfortunately our Chief Executive Officer is adamant that we need to receive a printable picture featuring a bible verse before making payment.
Please advise if this is possible.
We are sorry for the inconvenience this causes but assure you in the name of Jesus that we will meet our word and you will not regret the time you spend producing the image.
Regards,
Bruce

Mr Bruce,

Very filled with wonder in the direction at glory, fear and the love of god, the images that you to ask will be produced but given at the same time but it would be necessary that you know that the reception will be for Friday 2 say tomorrow evening, then informed your superior as of now whom you will receive 10 Images with the format that you ask for your calendar.

But will know that the cost of the image compared to the annoyances and other expenses which I am spirit to endorse here will thus raise with an amount of $ 500 Dollars say $ 5.000 Dollars for the ten images but a compensation of $ 1.300 Dollars for damage, interest and times wasted.

Then I think that if we fall from agreement on this point, you will receive these images as soon as possible!

God fills you his grace!

Pastor AKRE

 

Pastor Akre,
We are at an important juncture in the publication of our calendar so can accept those terms, subject to receiving the images complete with bible verses.
We will transfer the $6,300 upon receiving your files.
I look forward to concluding this transaction, for God’s glory.
In Christ,
Bruce

Bruce brother,

I include/understand you and at the same time I take the trouble to put to me on the position of God the Powerful Whole and Miséricordieux to grant this grace to you to establish these photographs that I you sending as of reception of your OK but at the same time of a telephone call in my connection with the trifle summon of $ 6.300 Dollars.

Thus this being, prayer as of reception to grant to me; be-with-to say to join to me to my contacts telephone direct so that the transaction is established but front while forwarding to you these photographs.

As, I ask as you not disappoint me because it is the first Christian business which we treat together and who knows can be that there will be several but at the same time, I would like to insinuate that it is possible to grant seminars and religious weeks, you of inviting us over there on your premise with our choral society if necessary that you can also come here for religious ceremonies which will agree our bonds of friendship, from fraternity but from the Faith growing as a Jesus Christ!

This being, I take the trouble to leave you my direct contacts below so that I would be to inform of your OK by telephone and to address to you the various photographs taken with various members and children of our Christian ministry but while holding a bible with the hand or opened.

God fills you and dear brother as a Christ blesses you!

Pastor AKRE

Call me if you receive this email brother Bruce

 

Pastor Akre,
Our phones are unable to dial international numbers. This is a major inconvenience for us and I am seeking to rectify it.
Please feel free to call me on +61 **** *** ***.
I look forward to receiving your photographs and your phone call today.

I got the impression from his last email that he still hadn’t quite grasped the concept…

Also,
Pastor Akre.
STOP.
Before you take these photos – having a Bible in hand will not do – it needs to be a reference to a Bible verse.
Like holding a sign that says "John 3:16".
We want to showcase people’s favourite verses from around the world.
I hope you have not already proceeded.

Brother Bruce ,

Thank you for do your message, but as you know as you are spirit to make me turn in round like my faithful of the church?

That because I have to you announce and yourself at the first time confirmed that it was necessary to take the photographs with a bible in the hand and there I have just spent enough of money in this job that you to ask me for your annual calendar of which I did not have any subsidy.

Thus, you reconsider another load, then will please reflect well but know that before this continuous collaboration, I have to spend too much to remain this thus being, on the $ 6.300 Dollars, I require as of reception for this message of a subsidy which will cover my already made expenditure and what you to ask me, also a subsidy of an amount of $ 1.200 Dollars if you include/understand what I want to say.

These $ 1.200 Dollars, I would like that you can subject them to me by this Monday October 5, 2009 by Western Union because we have just held today Sunday a meeting of Ministry and I mobilized the majority of my team to continue.

Be comprehensible and will know that I am it since the beginning, then are you of agreement YES or not on this principle?

But will know that the $ 1.200 Dollars will be deducted in the expenses from the $ 6.300 Dollars, then I count on you for the Western Union transaction of this money so quickly so that you also you are satisfied on your side and for your project with Christian calendar.

God the Lord, carries out you on his right way my brother!

Pastor AKRE

 

Pastor Akre,
I am sorry. I have been clear with my instructions regarding the photographs. I have reviewed my emails.
If you are interested in securing your $6300 please conclude this transaction as soon as possible.
Our accounts department advises that funds can only be transferred in return for services rendered. We must receive photos that meet our requirements before making the payment. I have included the email I received in response to your request below.
Brother, our print deadlines are approaching please don’t back down on me now. I have vouched for you in all our meetings and promised that you would deliver images appropriate for the cover of our calendar as well as many inside pages.
In Christ,
Bruce.

2009/10/5 Bob Bennett
Bruce,
While we understand the plight Pastor Akre reports regarding securing the photographs in question it is church policy to not deliver funds electronically or via Western Union/money transfer until receiving the services related to the payment.
I’m sure you’ll understand that this protects the church from fraud and gives us the greatest control over allocation of budget.
Please let Pastor Akre know that this is not because we do not trust him – rather it is the policy by which we operate under section 12.2 of our Financial Policy.
I look forward to seeing the 2010 Calendar in its printed glory. The 2009 version is a favourite in the office and all my relatives love it.
If you (or he) have any queries please call me on my mobile.
+61434 *** ***
In Christ,
Bob

He didn’t reply to me for a while. So I sent another email…

Pastor Akre,
Hi, I’m wondering if you can just send me whatever photos you have?
We go to print on Thursday so I’m going to need your photos as soon as possible or I’ll have to turn to a couple of other churches I’ve contacted in Ghana and Cote D’Ivoire.
Could you please advise if you are able to provide the photos as soon as you get this email. Either by replying, or calling me on my mobile – +61 *** *** ***.
I will make payment as soon as the photos are received and checked for quality by my designer.
I am a little worried that I have not yet received them from you. It seems a small price to pay for $6300.
In Christ,
Bruce

 

Pastor Akre,
Could you please respond to my email or call me as soon as you get this message.
If I do not hear from you in 24 hours I will have to cancel our transaction and reallocate the budget we have set aside for supporting your ministry.
In Christ,
Bruce

Bruce brother,

It is very important that you know that the work that you asked is very meticulous, causes for whom, we then give you a delivery period which is fixed at Friday September 9 at the morning of Saturday September 10 to deliver all this to you, make include/understand with your administration and also include/understand you it.

Because, it would be necessary to put the religious community here in confidence that their photographs or those of the children, do not go in the hands of whoever causes for which in my person, I make make personal meetings and even expenditure for the members and others and to acquire their confidence.

But also for confidence that we carry, prayer to pay the totality of the $ 6.300 Dollars per western union as of reception of the photographs and even as of reception of this email, prayer to forward me in WORD document, the 10 verses to be printed which will be used to make the photographs.

God blesses you!

Pastor AKRE

 

Pastor Akre,
Thank you my brother for your response. Please note that these photos must be received by that date.
I have CC’d our accounts manager Bob Bennett in to this email to ensure that payment is made promptly once we receive the photos.
We look forward to partnering you in the work of our Lord Jesus Christ in your country and throughout the world. I have attached a list of ten verses for your consideration.

I attached a word document requesting ten verses.

 

He replied. I got a little excited.

Brother, You will receive the documents as envisaged d’ here 48 hours thus you for the financial affair prepare at the same time! Pastor AKRE

I replied

We stand ready and able to make the transfer upon receiving the photographs. I thank you for your cooperation. We are fellow workers in the harvest of our Lord’s people.

I got nothing. On the day I was meant to receive the files I sent this email.

Brother pastor Akre,
I look forward to receiving the anticipated photos today. Our accounts department stands ready to proceed with payment on the moment that we receive your email containing the photographs.

He replied. Finally.

Brother as a Christ,

Still much FORGIVENESS for this once go all lacked reception of the photographs.

But will know that it is not here our fault because us even, need this money which you will make come as of reception for the rehabilitation from our building which shelters us as well as other things to be made going in the direction and the way of God!

Prayer to forgive us once again for the appointment missed while adding that you will receive them in these times as soon as the breakdowns of our apparatuses here are arranged because we let us have of old apparatuses which causes us enough trouble.

God protects you dear brother!

Pastor AKRE

Stalling. Stalling and more stalling.

Brother Akre,
Do you have any idea when we will receive the files. We can not make payment until we them.
In Christ,
Bruce

 

Brother,

Thank you for your confidence and also be without fear, because we have just rented apparatuses with credit which will enable us to make you the forwarding of the documents say the photographs before the semi-day of Thursday, therefore to count on us and our confidence as we do it in your connection brother!

Be in the blessing of the Saint Spirit!

Pastor AKRE

 

Pastor Akre,
I am glad to hear you have secured the technology – as we have no wish to inconvenience you financially please add the cost of the apparatus hire to our final bill.
We will pay for this and for the work produced.
Thank you for your willing service my brother. I look forward to seeing the pictures.
I will tell our designer to await delivery of the files on Thursday.
In Christ.
Bruce

 

Hello,

I come by the present letter to mean you all the happiness which we have to undertake a sincere collaboration, frank, honest and profitable with you!

Also, did not fear, you will receive the photographs in time and we could continue this collaboration while investing on another field still which will seem to you positive to grow this collaboration.

Also would it be possible to physically meet you at the convenient period?

Could we have the kindness to be to invite by your structure over there in your country of origin?

In waiting of a favorable continuation, receive the peace of the saint spirit!

Pastor AKRE

 

I’m sure we can arrange to invite a delegation from your church to meet us for the launch of this calendar in which you are collaborators and partners.
We will continue to keep in touch after receiving the files as agreed.
Also, further to this project, do you have any issues that our church can be praying for for you at this time? We would like to add your church to our prayer list.
In Christ,
Bruce

 

Pastor Akre,
I was disappointed not to receive the files you promised.
Please can you get them to me by Sunday or we will have to cancel our arrangement and look to other churches for support in this matter and ongoing partnership.
Regards,
Bruce

 

Pastor Akre,
Has something happened? I was expecting to receive these photographs last Thursday. Please let us know what is going on. If we don’t receive them in the next few days it’s going to make getting the calendar produced on time a very difficult task.
You and your church are in our prayers.
In Christ,
Bruce

 

Pastor Akre,
Assuming you are able to produce the photos in time (by Wednesday this week) we would like to invite you, and representatives from your church, to join us in Sydney for the launch. I have attached the invitation as a JPG or as a PDF.
We will confirm the booking of flights as soon as we receive the files.
We are happy to organise your travel or to organise for payment to be made to your airline supplier of choice.
Please contact our accounts manager – Bob Bennett (bob.j.bennett@gmail.com) to confirm details for the transfers. I have CC’d Bob into this email so that you can send your reply to both of us.
I repeat – bookings will only be made once the images have been received, and payment has been made to you for the photos.

 

My Bruce Brother,

First of all thank you for the confidence placed in us because it is a thing rare to find in these times hard of the people like you!

Also concerning, the photographs, you will have them without problem, but what blocks is all simply that I had you to know that because of our defective and old apparatuses of I do not know how long! We had to make rent apparatuses elsewhere and causes it for which, you did not receive these photographs yet is very simple, it is that in made, the accountancy of on our premises while leaving to rent these apparatuses, do not have state to me that we were with court of finance and the data-processing structure at which, the apparatuses were rented with make sign a pledge with the accountant and in the presence of an usher!

Then on the pledge, having been registered that in 72 Hours, the structure having to enter in possession of which had sound, the accountant also me ace not informed because I was in displacement for a seminar here in Ivory Coast!

Thus behind me, this usher came to make a seizure of the apparatuses in hiring in our buildings, all that because of an initial amount of $ 765 Dollars for all the complete one of the apparatuses, causes for which you did not receive the photographs in time and we spent all the weekend making go and come between the police station, the office of the usher and our mission to regulate that, but currently our accountant who signed this document is under police custody for abuse of power, therefore, it is asked to us to pay the amount of the hiring plus $ 500 Dollars to release the accountant but at the same time to have access to the apparatuses to finish the forwarding of the photographs!

Then is it possible on your side to make us in the Saint Name of the Very Powerful Jesus Christ this advance so that we regulated this history here and to forward to you in the hours which follow all the photographs?

Also we would like to know, on the side of the invitation letter, it is possible to move me with how much people of the ministry for your country, say Sydney?

How the peace of the powerful whole is with you!

Also receive with your approval if it is possible to make us a transfer as of now, the additional details with a Western Union transaction as of this moment:

God bless you sir!

Pastor AKRE

This next one was just plain confusing.

Hello in the name of Christ brother!

I am with the fact Pastor AKRE, of the Ivory Coast, say West Africa!

We are of total coordination with the Bruce brother who gave us your contact, then having to address an email to you, with you and with the Bruce brother, we would like to know your opinion on this fact but will know that you will receive the photographs in desired times and it would be necessary that you can refer to our last note!

Also for all knowledge, tomorrow being Tuesday, we have forward to you a message a message in this day of Monday, therefore that you think about it!

Now we are entitled to how much people in our ministry for the ceremony of launching of the calendar! Make us the knowledge, because having explained you in our preceding message what we live ourselves, it would be necessary to be lenient and listened to the Powerful Whole so that we can make leave our accountant the police custody with the police force currently while listening to the assertion of the bailiff and this with which we obtained this material in hiring!

God protects you brother!

Pastor AKRE

 

Pastor Akre,
I have received your email.
Unfortunately our payment policy is clear. We must receive the goods before making the payment.
I pray that you will speedily find a solution to these issues because unless we receive the photographs by the end of the week. Feel free to add any costs to your final bill.
There will be close to 10,000 people at the Sunday service where we will launch this calendar. If you could put together a choir to perform some African songs of praise we could make some time in the program for you.
Please inform Bob Bennett of the number of people you would like to bring to Sydney. Once you have sent the photos we will transfer money to you so that you can purchase the flights.
In Christ,
Bruce

Then I sent him an email from Bob Bennett, Accounts Manager.

Pastor Akre,
I believe my colleague Bruce has responded to you on this matter.
I feel I can add to the discussion.
We are unable to make any payment without receiving the photographs as promised. Our purchasing policy is clear – and we are unable to breach it in any matter – though we wish to see this problem resolved speedily.
We can, if you choose to do so, pay an increased amount on the final invoice. Please feel free to fold the costs of your legal problems into your final costs – which will be met the moment we receive the commissioned work.
We are happy to bring a choir of 20 members of your church to our launch of the calendar. We would see this as a valuable chance to continue partnering in this ministry. We would also like to make sure that any of your models – the people used in the calendar – are amongst those invited.
The final decision about how many people we bring rests on the photos submitted and their use. If you delay further we will be forced to use other people’s photographs in most of the slots we have allocated to your church. The number of people we are then prepared to bring to Australia will then have to shrink dramatically – and it may be that we only bring yourself and one or two others.
Please Brother Akre – this matter should be resolved urgently. Do all that is in your power to overcome this outrageous circumstance where the police are troubling a fellowship of believers.
We will pray for you, my brother, as the church prayed for the Apostle Peter when he was arrested in Acts 12.
In Christ,
Bob

Now I’m waiting for the photos.

Search for a Nigerian Supermodel

While I haven’t posted a scambaiting post for a while I’ve been busily trying to secure my bible verse photo with quiet determination.

I’d like to introduce Hanan, and her able assistant, Nurse Mary.

Calavary Greeting’s
Dearest In The Lord

May the peace of almighty God be with you and your family,dear one I am Mrs Hanan Solomon from Isreal but now  undergoing medical treatment in the cocody hospital in capital city here in abidjan. am married to late Dr Jackson Solomon , who worked with Isreal Embassy for Eleven years before he died in the year 2004,after a brief illness that lasted for only one month and two week’s.
We were married for Eighteen years without any child. After the death of my husband i vowed to use our wealth for the poor and the less privileged in our society. Recently, My Doctor told me that I may not last for the next three week’s due to cancer problem that disturb me most, and Haven known my condition i decided to Serve God with our wealth.
When my late husband was alive we kept the sum of ($2.800.000.00 Million)Two million eight hundred thousand dorllars with one Bank, now Having known my condition I decided to Give out this fund to an pastor or better still a God fearing person who will utilize this fund the way I am going to instruct herein. I want an individual that will use this  fund to provide help to the community’s need and christian poor and indigent persons, orphanages, widows like maround him and Schools etc.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact where the money was deposited also issue you the documents that will prove you the present beneficiary of this fund. Any delay in your reply will give me room in  sourcing for an individual for this same purpose, always be prayerful all through your life.   Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hope to receive your reply soon. Because i have come to find out that wealth Acquisition without Christ is Vanity upon vanity,Thank’s you and may the Almighty God bless you.
yurs sister in christ
Mrs Hanan Solomon.

Pretty standard fair really. But I’m particularly interested in wasting the time of scammers who use Christianity as a disguise.

So I replied…

Dear Hanan,
I hope you are feeling well today.
I will help you. Please tell me what I must do.

She wrote back… all formatting in these emails is hers/his…

Dearest Bruce Johnson,

May the peace be unto you in the name of our lord and Savior jesus christ. I am very happy to receive your mail this after noon concerning your interest over the work of God and orphanage. for this fund which i wan’t to entrusting in your hand for the propagation of the word of God too.

Really to meet you towards this divine entrustment was my often prayers for God to provide me someone who will not betray or disappoint me in this vow which i made to him also i haerd what you said i am asure you that you are not going to spend any money untill the money transfer to you.

I am muchly impressed over your informations and your commitments in advancing the kingdom of God and orphanange home. I have carefully read your mail and could understand it properly which i prayed and asked God to lead me to a person who will use this fund according to my late husband’s wish.but i wan’t to let you know that my condition will not pamite me to send the money the way you wan’t it now because i will like you to recomfirm your informations again.

The bible made us to know that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and for those who are called according to his purpose. "His ways and thoughts are not the same as ours”, and he most assuredly works in mysterious ways.

I concluded by myself that my contact with you is God’s doing and is nothing short of His miraculous blessing. I want you to understand that this my contact with you is not by my power or might but of God after my fasten and praying to God for his direction.

Without visiting a prophet i am welconvinced that you will act accordingly.

My motivation of making this decision to donate this fund for the propagation of the word of God is because of the predicament which i found myself into and the hummiliations after many years of marriage without any issue which i decided to take all i have in this devilish world to honour God as i know that every soul shall give an account of his life at the last day in the pressence of God and after death judgment follows.

I only want you to give me every assurance that you will not disappoint me to fulfill this vow to the glory of God.

Base on your mail, i am well convinced that you were sent by God to fulfill this promise to his glory, so what i want you to do is to try your best to make sure that you assisted me which my health condition could not permit me to do anything by myself, regards to that i beg you to move out in faith to assist me so that you will use the fund to do the work of God as i concluded with my spirit.

Remember what is in the bible conjunction in the book of mathew chapt 18 vs 6,that shall be our physical convenant that will bind both of us in this transaction.

I want you to furnish me with your contact informations to enable me swear inn an affidavit on your name from the Federal Ministry of Justice to declare whole heartedly that i have made you the beneficiary to my inheritance.

So that even if i am no more you shall continue from there to request the transfer of the fund to you from the Bank without any confrontation from any body.

I will want you to re-comfirm your information to me so that it will enable me procure the documents that will back you up to this fund.

                  The informations are as follows,

1.Your full name……..  2.Your contact and country

address ……….

3.Your age………….   4.Your phone number………. 5.Occupation………………………..

Immediately i receive these informations the certificate of deposit issued to my late husband on the first day of deposit money with the affidavit shall be forwarded to you for you to contact the Bank to the existence of this fund and you as the new beneficiary appointed by me.

Bear in mind that you will not receive any communication from me incase if the  nurse sister who devoted her time to help me in typing this messages to you is in her off duty.

Please,remember to put me in your daily prayers for God’s healing.Thanks and God bless you.

my regards

Madam Hanan Solomon

I decided that Hillsong is the only Australian church with sufficient penetration globally and financially to be producing a calendar of the calibre I am producing…

I would be happy to help you. And thank you for the trust you have shown me.
I am in desperate need of some assistance myself.
I have been charged to put together a 2010 calendar for Hillsong United – http://youth.hillsong.com. My deadline is rapidly approaching and I badly need a few more photos.
The calendar is to feature photos of Christians from around the world holding signs with their favourite Bible verses. You can decorate the sign however you like. I currently need about 10 photos. So if you have friends who could help we would greatly appreciate that.
The photos need to be of printable quality – and Hanan, the best bit is that we will pay you for the ongoing commercial use of the photos. The calendar will be sold at our annual conference and through our church plants around the globe.
We will pay you $1000 per photo upon receiving suitable files, and cover any expenses you might have in securing them upon confirmation that the photos are of suitable quality for reproduction.
Can you help me? I’m not sure I will be able to devote my attention to assisting you until this matter is settled.
Here are the answers to your questions:
1. Bruce Mark Johnson
2. 4 Horseshoe Bay Road, Magnetic Island, Queensland, Australia
3. 42.
4. +61 407 174 734
5. Freelance Designer and Producer for Christian Ministries in Australia

This is where Hanan’s nurse, Sister Mary, took over proceedings…

Dearest  Bruce Johnson,  
May peace of our lord be with you and your family and thanks for your reply and informations inculding your expression towards how the money will be use i want to let you know that i am the nursing sister who has been taking care of Madam Hanan Solomon in ward 34 An Oesophageal cancer patient our hospital ci cote d’ivoire. As a matter of fact she will be undergoing a cardiac surgery any time from now and she is not in position of your request that is why i am sending you her present condition in hospital at the moment which i attach here in.I am writing to inform you that because of her illness she is unable to write. Further to the transaction with her Madam Hanan Solomon directed me to help you make sure that every process regarding this transaction is legitimate.
now you should make sure that you try and help see into this transaction as she said,follow my instructions accordingly as soon as you receive this fund. The reason why i am asking you this for the second time is because you can not cheat God and go free, for that reason I want you to search your heart and be open to your self so that you will not fall as a victim in the sight of God.
Do contact the Bank immediately and call them and tell them that you was directed from Mrs Hanan Solomon that you want to know what they need to transfer the money that the sick woman want to donate to the poor people and charitys also church. so that this transaction shall be conclude within a short time as her present health condition is not good according to my doctor but in her heart she believed she will be alive to witness the end of this transaction that is my prayer to God.and you will see the deposit slip that her late husband use when depositing the money in the Bankis also attach with this mail
PLEASE DO NOT MAKE ANY MISTAKE ON THIS TRANSACTION THAT IS WHY I AM GIVEN IT TO YOU WITH TRUST AND SINCERITY.
CONTACT THE (BANK) NOW AND ASK THEM TO TRANSFER THE FUND TO YOU OVER THERE IN YOUR COUNTRY. AFTER ALL IS BEEN DONE I WILL ADVICE YOU ON WHAT TO DO. THIS IS THE CONTACT INFORMATION OF THE BANK HERE IN cote d’ivoire ARE BELLOW.

BIAO-CI-BANQUE INTERNATIONALE POUR
OCCIDENTALE – 8 -10 AV JOSPHINE KONNHA
01 BP 1479 PLATEAU
ABIDJAN – COTE D’IVIORE
Tele-+225-674 96 682 fax-+225- 744 22-37
biao_bank_international_ci@yahoo.fr

Dr Edward Konni. Gestionnaire
BIAO-CI-BANQUE INTERNATIONALE POUR
Mobil +225-674 96 682

PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO CONTACT THE BANK IMMEDIATELY.
Thanks and God bless your effort towards the transition and secondly i will like to see your picture to know you more. and if there is anything that i will do for you don’t hesitate to let me know.secondly madam said that you should try and send her your picture
my regards 
Yours Sister Mary the Nurse on behalf of Madam Hanan Solomon.

Right. She wants a picture. I can’t really help out… but since we’re talking “pictures” I’m going to start pushing a little harder…

Dear Sister Mary,
I am sorry to hear about Madam Hanan’s condition.
Are you able to help me on her behalf? In my last email I mentioned the trouble I am having with my work. I need some photos for a calendar we are producing that will be sold in churches around the world.
We are paying people $1000 a photo. Perhaps you would be interested in passing this opportunity on to your friends, I can assure you, in Christ, that this is a genuine offer and a matter of some urgency.

With two emails, just so they can tell how much I need this…

Dear Sister Mary,
I am desperately seeking these photographs – if the price offered is a problem could you please let me know as there is some room to negotiate.
So that you know I am trustworthy please visit my Business Week profile from my previous career (before I felt called into ministry).
http://investing.businessweek.com/research/stocks/people/person.asp?personId=329973&ric=REG
Regards,
Bruce

Ahh, a bite…

Dearest  Bruce Johnson,

Thanks for your mail and also i heard what you said.as well i have meet some of my follow staff here in our hospital and told them about this at least many of them are intrested for that but question is how will you want it down you want them to send you there pictures and how do you want to pay them and accounding to them they said befor releasing of their pictures that you have to send them some part of the money.that you should try to understand what they saying.so i have try to get at least ten girls who agreed so is left for you to tell the us the way it will work out.thanks and waiting to hear from you

sister

Mary

No doubt they just want to take my deposit and do a runner. I know how these things work…

I decided at this point to switch denominations – just to see if they’d notice. Bruce is now Catholic…

Unfortunately I will need to run payment details through my accounts department. That shouldn’t be a big problem – but we’ll need to work pretty quickly.
How would you, and the ten girls, prefer to receive this deposit? Western Union is a fast money transfer system – do they have that in your country?
Please let me know.
Also, could you send me a sample photo for me to run by our printing department to make sure that the quality will be adequate. Just a generic photo with a Bible verse like "John 3:16" on it will be suitable.
Thank you so much for getting this group together. This is very exciting and will make my life at work so much easier.
In Christ,
Bruce Johnson
Catholic Church Diocese of Brisbane

She replied by sending me a bunch of random photos, sans signs. That will not do. Then she asked me for money…

Dear Bruce Johnson

Thanks for your mail hope all is well with you? infact i heard all you said but you have seen my picture any other picture’s is line that and also i told the girls as you request they said no that they will not release they photo untill they see the part payment that as soon as you send the money all of them will bring there picture and i will send it for you immediately secondly if you want to send the money just send it through wester union transfer through our department secertary

Ezzy Amaeshi

Rul 15  Bp Triechille

Abidjan Cote D’ Ivoire

and i want to know if you needed the picture on tradition way or english weare so just let me know but as soon as i hear from you with the deposit belive me all the pictures will send down to you immediately ok.also i will like you to show me the type you want just for to know in other to get you what you want thanks and waiting to hear from you

my regards

Mary

I replied.

Dear Mary,
Thanks. Was the picture you sent taken with the camera you are planning to use for the other photos? I’m afraid the quality was not good enough. You may need to find a slightly better camera or play with the settings.
Please do this and resend me an image in the highest available quality with a sign – I will then provide you feedback on your production. I need to make sure the photos are going to be suitable if we are going to move forward.
What I can do is provide an MTCN for a Western Union transfer in a different name and I will change it to the name indicated when I see the quality of your work.
I need to meet certain requirements for the sake of my church office and accounts department. I will send the MTCN through shortly.
I would prefer the signs to be written in both (your traditional language and then an english translation underneath).
Could you send me a sample so that we can be sure we’re on the same page.
In Christ,
Bruce.

Fortunately another scammed had sent me a valid MTCN, and I was to pay him to change the name. I used this to my advantage…

MTCN Number: 0507414918
Transfer (fake) Name: Lina Dee

I will change the name when I receive the first sample photo and your nurses can claim my deposit.
In Christ,
Bruce

She wasn’t happy.

Dear Bruce Johnson

Thanks for your mail but i dont understand how you see me is like you dont live what i was telling ok this is the of the girls picture but she did not know that i sent it to you and the you are talking the girls are geting to see you as you are not sincer with your self by sending mtc number with fake name.any way if make them to change their mind then is for you but now just have a look at this one and you can sent me the type that you need with the full information the money that your sending if not please forget about all also with your personal phone contact so here is the attach of the now.thanks and waiting to hear from you as well and God bless you

my regards

Mary

It’s clear I need to placate her…

Mary, Mary, Mary,
You’re quite the contrary one. I had to send the MTCN with the fake name to demonstrate that the money had been made available subject to you meeting my terms.
The photo you have sent me is still of a lower than acceptable quality. You need to make sure the camera is set to the best possible settings.
I will go to Western Union and change the details. The Western Union in Brisbane is a little bit slow when it comes to sending money to African nations because of all the scams that trick people.
I will email you a copy of the receipt. It will take three days for the transfer to take place. I need these photos in two. Can you trust me in the name of Jesus Christ who in Matthew 5 said let your yes be yes and your no be no?
Regards,
Bruce

I sent a follow up…

Dear Mary,
I spent many hours this afternoon trying to explain this arrangement to my superiors and talking to the clerk at Western Union’s Brisbane branch.
I have come up with this solution.
I have made a payment via a transfer from the Catholic Church marketing department’s bank account – this transfer will not clear for three days. The accounts department is very clear about this. They have asked the Western Union agency not to make the MTCN live for three days. It will not work online.
I have attached the receipt from Western Union. And a sample photo from my new friend Paul in Senegal. This is a sample only. English wasn’t his first language but he wrote his sign with charcoal and in English. The letters need to be legible.
I have also attached my drivers licence so that you can verify the details in the Western Union receipt.
Now, the reason for the three day delay is because my superior insists on receiving the photos before releasing these funds. When we have all ten photos we will pay the balance of $9,000. We need the photos within two days and this deposit will be released to you, followed by the next amount.
I’m sorry Mary, I know your nurses were keen to receive a down payment – but my bosses would not allow that and in this matter I must act honourably and obey them.
Please, call me on my phone for more details if needed – but I trust that you will be able to send me those photos and we can bring this matter to a conclusion.
I am not great with computers so please excuse me if the details on that photo or receipt are too difficult to read.

With these photos attached (including a photoshop rendition of an appropriate “sign”).

She sent me this email, along with another 5 random pictures of African women.

Dear Bruce Johnson

thanks for your mail that i just receive and i do understand you well but listing Johnson

am send all this pictures to you is just to let you know that i Mary can meet up to you need but let me tell you one thing all the owner of this pictures dont want to release it but they did it just because of me and secondly i can not ask them to took picture with board in their hand so this is the one that they brought to me so if want send they money to them as you promise that you will send they money as soon as they release their pictures to you.and you know am not the one that took them the pictures as your trying to prove your self as man of God and who work for God am now waiting to hear from you.but dont let me down in frount of this laddys please try and do as you said so here is the pictures attach herein thanks and God bless you am waiting for reply soosnest.

my regards

Mary

I told her these were not good enough, and got this reply.

Bruce Johnson

please stop disturbing me i am not mother ladys or girls and i dont have any contract regarding to this i am a nurse not photo finder  so keep off writing me or you send this girls money to took the type of photo that you needed please no money no pictures bye for now and with out this stop sending an email to me any more

Mary

Rejection. I had to reply.

Mary,
I’m sorry. There has been some sort of mistake here. I was offering
you the chance to earn some money for performing a valuable service
for the church. I’m sorry if I have caused offence. I can’t send you
money for the other photos. We can’t use them.

And I tried again, with a photoshop mock up of the calendar…

Dear Mary,
Is there an alternative group of people you might know – perhaps your family – who would consider providing the photos I require?
We really do need to secure some photos shortly.
I have been told that I can not give you an advance fee – but in order to secure your cooperation I can offer you $3,000 per photo.
We are holding some slots for you because we’d like  to reward you for your efforts.
I have attached a design sample so that you know we are most serious about this proposition.
In Christ,
Bruce

She didn’t like that at all…

plz go to hell with ur money and stop disturbing me i will send your contact to FBI in your country ok

Ouch. The FBI.

Mary,
I don’t understand. Why won’t you help me?
What will you say to the FBI? That I was trying to give you a job? That’s not a crime in my country. Women are allowed to work.
If you would reconsider I have two days to secure these photos.
Regards,
Bruce.

The final phone call (I think)

I got so sick of Dr Paul and Interpol that I decided to bring things to a head.

I haven’t heard back from the Dr Paul character since my last insulting email. But I moved things along with mr Kofi from Interpol. And then he called me. Here’s the (in my opinion) hilarious phone call. He trips up a number of times. It goes for seven minutes. But it’s the best seven minutes of phone call ever. The email he talks about in the phone call is included below. The best bit is that Mr Kofi – the chief of Interpol/Director of Ghana’s Criminal Investigators Department – asked me to send money to the guy who Dr Paul told me was his staff member who "wouldn’t eat my money"…

Dear.

Thank you very much for this money you send but the problem now that i did not give you the information you will use to send it, please i want to advice you now to go western union now change it now will this nams and address onbelow:

1. NAME: PAUL MOUGOR

2. ADDRESS: ACCRA GHANA

my friend go back now change it in western union and get back to me very fast so you fund will deliver to you very fast now. my friend you have to do this very fast because of problem.Am looking forward to hear from you today.

After the phone call – where I’m sure he didn’t get my message – I decided to let him know that the game was up. If he doesn’t get this message he truly is the dumbest scammer ever.

Mr Kofi/Dr Paul/Emmanuel Onyekwere
The game is over. You are too stupid for words.
I am sorry. You have just made too many mistakes. Let me list them.
1. If you’re scamming somebody and they ask for an easy piece of proof – just send it to them. Don’t make stupid excuses like "I haven’t done that before"
2. If you can forge ID and use a fake email address – anybody else can too.
3. Claiming to be a Christian while trying to steal somebody’s money is just wrong. Obviously you don’t actually believe in God. You’ve got hell to look forward to and all the money you’re stealing off innocent people is not going to get you  out of that.
4. If you’re going to bring another character into the picture get someone else to make the phone call – especially if the person hasn’t given your new character their phone number.
5. When you make a phone call actually listen to what the person is saying.
6. When someone tells you they know you’re a thief and then two weeks later writes back to you – you must wonder whether or not they’re just toying with you.
7. When you receive an email – actually read it. Sticking to a script won’t fool anybody.
8. If you’re going to try to steal somebody’s money at least get some real looking ID – photoshop jobs are easy to see through.
9. When someone sends you a Western Union receipt after not having contacted you for weeks – perhaps assume it’s not real. I hope you went into Western Union and looked like an absolute idiot.
And lastly, and this is the big one…
If you’re playing the role of Interpol – don’t send tell me to send money to somebody who "works as Dr Paul’s assistant and won’t eat my money" – which is what Dr Paul Acquah said about Paul Mougour – the guy Mr Kofi is now asking me to send money to.
In conclusion. You are the worst scammer ever. You’ve wasted so much time talking to me. I feel good that you’re not talking to some gullible fool and taking their money. But I suggest that because you are so bad at this you change your ways. Go to church this weekend and tell them that you’re a reformed criminal and ask them to give you some real jobs to do. Get a job washing dishes in a restaurant. You’d be better at every other job in the world than this one. You are THE WORST Nigerian scammer in history.
Regards,
N

A sermon from a scammer

Friend Zima’s pastor – Reverend Williams has entered the fray. I told him I was worried about Zima’s doctrine. He sent me this sermon in response. Urging me to help smuggle this money out of the country.

The capitalisation is all his.

I BRING YOU GOOD NEWS MESSAGE TODAY FROM THE BOOK OF HEBREW IT tells us, “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.”

SERVANT OF GOD I LOVE THIS TEACHINGS OF GOD IT UP HOLDS MY SPIRIT WHEN THE DEVIL IS TRING TO DUPLICATE GOD’S PROMISES TO US.THOUGH I MADE SISTER ZIMA ALSO TO UNDERSTAND FROM THE TEACHINGS OF THE SCRIPTURE WHICH SAYS We may find grace by looking at what Jesus performed at Mount Sinai, and how He had quenched those fiery darts of the law on our behalf! By faith He obeyed, by faith He stepped into death on our behalf. He was the Captain of our salvation, and went on before us – the Shepherd and Bishop of our souls.SERVANT OF GOD I KNOW HOW BUSY YOU ARE ACCORDING TO MY SISTER IN THE LORD BUT PLEASE TRY YOUR VERY BEST TO SEE TO THE SOLUTIONS OF THIS TRANSFER BETWEEN NOW AND NEXT WEEK SO THAT YOU WILL HELP TO SAFE THE LIFE AND INHERITANCE FUND OF SISTER ZIMA.SERVANT OF GOD I REMEMBER THE SPEECH OF POP JOHN PAUL 11 IN AUSTRIA JUNE 23 1988 IN HIS PASTORIAL VISIST HE SAID

Let us renew our “Yes to faith”, a “Yes to life” in all its aspects.SERVANT OF GOD THIS TEACHING IS DEEP TO MY OWN UNDERSTANDING IN ASPECT OF MAKING PROMISES,PLEASE SINCE YOU HAVE ABSECPTED SISTER ZIMA AS YOUR SISTER PLEASE TRY YOUR POSSIBLE BEST WITH YOUR POSITION AND LOVE TO SEE TO HER HAPPINESS FOR THE GLORY OF GOD THAT HAVE MADE YOU WHOM YOU ARE.I KNOW GOD IN HIS OWN WAY WILL PERFECT HIS PURPOSE IN THIS UNION BETWEEN YOU AND SISTER ZIMA.IN MATT 25:31_40 . TEACHES US REWARD ON OUR DAY TO DAY HELP TO THOSE WHO ARE IN NEED THIS SCRIPTURE SAYS 31

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory.
32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats,
33 and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left.
34 Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world;
35 for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me,
36 I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’
37 Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink?
38 And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing?
39 And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’
40 And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’

Heresy from a scammer

Miss Zima Peters is in hospital dying of cancer. She urgently needs help getting her money out of the country and away from a corrupt government. She wants a Christian helper. That’s important to her.

I asked what her favourite bible verse was. She sent me the following heresy riddled statement of belief… I’m not sure I can deal with somebody who believes these things…

How to be saved?

Let’s go to first things first. (Acts 16:30 & 3 1). (And brought them out , and said, "Sir what must I do to be saved?") There is a jailer here and Paul & Silas is locked up in jail and after a miraculous thing has taken place the jailer came out and said "Sir, what must I do to be saved? (Acts 16:31) they said, ("Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shall be saved and thy house") Your whole house will be saved all of your children and all of your family will be saved. If you happen to be a one family head, if you are a mother or father and you have no husband or wife you are the head of your house. With your salvation, your family is also saved, that’s number one.

What MUST I Believe?

Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, that’s what he must believe, believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shall be saved. One of the most critical points here is that the Apostle Paul did not tell this jailer to believe on God to be saved. Where salvation is concerned God is not a part,he does not play a part in your salvation. God played his part when he gave his only begotten son. (John 3: 1 6).

Clearly her understanding of the trinity is all wrong. I’ll fix that.

Zima,
I have received your email.
I am worried about your doctrinal statement. I fear for your soul my sister. The father, son and holy spirit are one are they not? Your doctrine of salvation is wrong.
I will do my best to bring you to the country – but first I need another photo of you holding a sign with your favourite bible verse written on it.
I can not afford, in my position, to be caught up in a scam.
I will pray for you in the meantime. I am a renowned faith healer, perhaps you will be healed through the power of prayer.

Because this is ethically murky (and the person at the other end of the emails is no doubt lying about everything). I have prayed for whomever it may be. That they might truly understand the words they twist and use for the purposes of their crimes.

A week with the Doctor

I’m getting a bit bored with Dr Paul. I don’t think he’s going to come to the party for me and I’m struggling to get him off script.

Let’s take a wander through a week of correspondence… I really am about to give up on this turkey. I have plenty of other opportunities to pursue. Well I was, but then an interesting development occured…

Dr Paul.

I am going to spell out very clearly what I require.

1. Your photo – not a photo of the boxes – I want a photo of you, or Emmanuel, holding a sign, to show that you are who you said you are. The sign should have either “John 3:16” or your favourite bible verse on it.
2. A booking form for a hotel as detailed – at this stage I will be arriving in Ghana on the 5th of August. And departing on the 10th. Please send me a confirmed, and paid for, booking at a hotel – I will reimburse you when I arrive.

Until I have those things I WILL NOT be booking my flights.

I also WILL NOT be sending any further money until I have verified your identity or you find the $850 I sent already.

I will not send money to any service – I do not trust you, your country or these companies.

Please get these things done and get back to me or the deal is off – I will be calling my embassy in Ghana and starting legal processes to recover the money if I do not hear from you.

If you ring or respond without having addressed these points – the DEAL IS OFF.

Understand?

Dear.

Thank you for the mail. my friend i done like the way you do want to understand my word. for this you told me to do i can not do that because am telling you that i did collect any money you told me that you send but you feel that i collect the money am eat it.

Dr Paul,

I understand you completely.
You don’t understand me. Let me spell it out.

MY MONEY IS MISSING. IT IS GONE. I TRANSFERRED IT TO THE PERSON YOU SAID TO.

Maybe you can’t trust this Emmanuel Onyekwere. Perhaps he is a thief.

You should look into this.

DO WHAT I SAY OR THE DEAL IS OFF.

Dear.

Thank you very much once again. my friend you have to try understand me and understand where amn going. please my friend am advice you to beliver me i will help you get you fund.

once again my friend will use Emmanuel onyekwere before but at last will have problem, i want to give you different name now so will can not have any problem again.

so if you want me to give you any order name i can do it.my friend please take it easy very thing will been ok. i take you as my good friend i will not like if me and you start having problem because for this business now will have go far . please try understand very thing will be nice. Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr paul

Dr Paul. You have one more chance. Send me a new name, I’d for this new staff member of yours and a photo of him holding a sign with your favourite bible verse. Then and only then will I try sending the money again. Understand.

Dear.

Thank you very much for your mail and explanations so far. my friend this my person the id have problem. try understand me because am try to make you good friend to me. my friend try hear my advice very thing will go well . this is name of the person onbelow;

1.NAME:PAUL MOUGOR

2. ADDRESS; ACCRA GHANA

Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr paul

Here’s the ID he sent…

Dr Paul,

If this person has an ID problem I will not deal with him. I am not stupid. I am being careful.

Find someone who won’t eat my money, who doesn’t have an ID problem. And I will deal with them.

Send me their ID, a photo of them holding a sign as requested, and their transfer details and then we will talk. I will not be sending money to anybody with an ID problem.

I think my lack of trust is understandable given what happened to the last $850 I sent.

Get this sorted Dr Paul, or the deal is off.

Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail and explanation. my friend please try understand me. please i want to inform you that you will not going to have any problem from this person. my friend don’t worry go head send this money if will have any problem i will take care of it. this person i give you now is Child God it can not eat you money OK.

so my friend believe me. all this problem will have before will can not have it again. my friend this person is one of staff in my office since Ten days now he is working will me i never see any bad thing do to me. my friend don’t fear am will you . so my friend what make me doing all this for you that i do want you to loose this fund because you have try so much . Am looking forward to hear from you soon.

Yours Friend
Dr Paul

Dear Dr Paul,

I think I’ve made myself pretty clear.

I’ll write on separate lines so there’s no chance for you to misunderstand.

DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.

I don’t care if this person is your staff member, or a child of God… I want you to prove to me, beyond a doubt, that his identity is true.

DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.

I want you to do this BY SENDING ME THE PHOTO I have asked for.

DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.

Failure to comply on this matter will finish our arrangement. I will then launch legal proceedings and contact the police in Ghana to recover my money.

DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.

Give me the photo I have asked for. If this guy is on your staff and you work for the Reserve Bank of Ghana then finding a camera should not be a problem.

DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.

I don’t think I can be clearer than this.

DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.

I WILL NOT ANSWER ANY MORE OF YOUR CALLS OR EMAILS WITHOUT THIS PHOTO.
Best regards,

Nathaniel.

Dear.
Thank youn very much for your mail. my friend am try to make you to understand me but you do want to hear me. my friend i take you as my good friend but why you are doing me all this.i do no any order way i will explain my self to you.

Dr Paul.

You are being a fool, or expecting me to be a fool. I will not put up with this any longer. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.

You don’t ever seem to actually read the things I say to you. So I will keep this short.

I already sent you money. The fact that it was stolen by someone in your country makes me nervous. I will not send more without further proof. It’s that simple.

I have shown, with the first transfer, that I am willing to do business with you. I am doing all I can to help you clear these funds from your accounts.

We have agreed that I will provide you a percentage of these funds. I am a man of my word.

If you can not provide me the proof that I ask for then I have serious doubts that you are “my good friend”.

I have understood everything you have said. I am not stupid.

He’s still not getting it. A simple photo. That’s all it would take.

Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail. my friend that thing you do me to do please i can not do that please. if you want to send this money send it but if you go head talk to much it will not help you. my friend all i want to advice you that all this you are doing can not help you just go and send this money today your fund will deliver to you. Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr Paul

I will not throw good money after bad. Until I know what happened to the last money I sent I will trust nobody.

That includes you.

Produce the photograph I have asked for or stop emailing me.

Produce the photograph and I will wire the next installment of funds and purchase my tickets to Ghana.

Good day.

He replied again. Without a photo… it didn’t say anything interesting. And his reticence is really starting to annoy me. I was all set to give up on him when he threw an interesting twist into the mix. Enter Interpol Ghana. Clearly things aren’t progressing quickly enough for Dr Paul’s liking…

INTERPOL GHANA

I am Mr David Kofi, Director of Ghana’s Criminal Investigations Department, We here inform you that we have been able to recover the sum of $15.7 Million United states dollars belonging to you, from team of fraud stars / imposter’s.
This money was recovered during our last unawares operation which took place on the 7th day of Aug. 2009 at the imposter’s hideout/arena.

The investigation carried out so far, stated that you are the real beneficiary of this fund according to one of the imposter’s.We therefore ask you with out any further delay to reconfirm to us if this is the exact amount you have lost in the hands of this criminals. And you are hereby to contact us as soon as you receive this message for more details.

David Kofi,
Director of Ghana’s Criminal
Investigations Department

So, I sent this to Dr Paul to see what he’d make of it – if it wasn’t actually from him it would certainly throw an interesting complexion on things.

Dr Paul,
I am worried. I just got an email from Interpol Ghana – about a scam they had busted in Ghana related to $15.7 million that belongs to me.

I trust this was not you, and that our transaction is proceeding.

I am very worried.

He sent me the same old scripted rubbish…

Dear.

Thank you very much for your mail and explanations so far. my friend i think you see now how am telling you since to send this money so you fund will deliver to you very fast. my friend one advice am giving you as a friend that if you follow those people that send you that you will going to have problem . so my friend don’t follow does people because the will Miss lead you. all i want to inform you now as child of that no Interpol take you fund.

please once again don’t follow those people as i told you. my friend this is what am please you since to send this money since i think you see it now. so my friend if you will follow my word now go today send this money i told you since so you fund will deliver to you this weekend, but if go head talking to much it will not help. Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr Paul

Stupid Dr Paul. Just stupid… I tell him I need photographic proof and he tells me that he can send me the same old passport photo again…

Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail. my friend i do no how i can explain my self to you again. you ask me id i give you again you ask me passport i give you i do no what i will do for you again. my friend am man of my word i will never let you down in all my word am telling you since. my friend if you want to send this money try send it and live very thing for you see that you fund will deliver to you fast. but if you go head doing this way it can help you out. Am looking forward to hear from you today..
Yours Friend
Dr Paul

I’ve had enough with this idiot. I am going to turn him in to “Interpol”… so much for trust and fidelity…

Dr Paul,

I have never asked you for your passport or your ID. I’ve only ever asked you for a photo with a Bible verse. ID is too easy to forge.

Thanks for your time. I hope Interpol don’t arrest you. But I am going to tell them that you also have my $850.

If you had produced the photo I would have paid the money. Now, you will get no share of my funds. Interpol will sort this situation out for me.

I’m going to see how long Interpol will email me for. In the meantime, I’m getting rid of Dr Paul. He’s a drain on resources. I tried to mix hard gospel truths, the knowledge of how the scamming system works and any other manipulative tools I could pull out in one last bid for that photo…

Dr Paul,

I am no longer trusting you. You are a criminal. A dirty internet scammer. I was right the first time and now I have lost $850.

I am going to give Interpol Ghana all the information I have about you. Dirty scammer. God hates thieves. Repent. Trust in Jesus and be saved. You are not a Christian man. You are a thieving little boy in an internet cafe somewhere. I am glad Interpol have contacted me, because now I will get my money and you will get in trouble.

Sadly for you, all you needed to do to prove your identity was send me the photo I asked for in our first email exchange. We’ve sent more than 100 emails since. Surely a better use of your time would have been to send me the photo. You are a stupid maga. You will not get any of this money. Interpol are going to send it all to me and throw you in a dirty jail cell where you belong. And I’m going to help them.

You are not the esteemed Dr Paul Acquah – you’re some teenage yahoo with an internet connection. Interpol will find you, you stupid, stupid man.

You’ll go to jail, then you’ll probably go to hell – if you don’t give up your thieving ways, go to church and trust in Jesus.

If I’m wrong about all of this – just send me the photo I asked for. I know you won’t. Because you can’t. Because you’re a lying, thieving man incapable of thinking past your pre-arranged little script. You won’t go far in your little scamming guild. They’ll probably shoot you for being useless. I bet you get less money than all your scamming friends. Because you are a retard. That means you’re stupid. An idiot. A fool. A halfwit. So, before interpol catch you, or your gang shoots you, you should definitely go to your local church and confess to being a horrible sinner and a terrible criminal. Terrible not because being a criminal is bad – but terrible because you’re so bad at it.

I will personally see to it that you pay for your stupidity. And I will get all the money that’s sitting in those boxes. Because Interpol have promised it. How do you like that? Your maga is not going to pay you mugu. You are stupid.

Goodbye. I hope you turn to Jesus before worms eat your face while you lie dead in the ground.

I’ll keep you posted. Stay tuned for stories of marriage proposals, church building fundraisers, and my new initiative to collect bible verses from all over the globe…

The Back Story

I should probably have googled the name I made up for my scambaiting account. It turns out there’s quite a high profile business man sharing the same name… and its the amalgam of two former “romance scammers” (actually two identities used by the same person) – somewhat fitting. And a moment of pure synchronicity or serendipity.

I wonder if I can use both to my advantage.

Ethical Dilemma

I have an ethical dilemma. It turns out scambaiters harvest their emails from message boards that are visited by a scout who writes “m u g u ”  “g u y m e n” without the spaces somewhere to mark them for picking.

I found one such message board, I left my email address – and I couldn’t help noticing that there were a whole lot of would be scammers out there leaving their email addresses…

So it occured to me I could have quite a bit of fun scamming the scambaiters…

Oh yeah, and if you’re looking to receive bucket loads of scam emails find a message board like that. It works. I’m currently qualifying about 15 potential scammers.

A Mani for all seasons

Right, so I (Bruce) now have ten new friends. And many new opportunities.

First, let me introduce you to Terry Donald – who I affectionately call Tezza.

He offered me 10% of $5 million.

The fund in question is a total of $5,000,000 (Five Million United States Dollars) in $100 bills and stashed in Two trunk boxes and was shipped out of Liberia through a diplomatic means by a security company and they are not aware of the real content of the boxes for security reasons.

That seemed very low. So I negotiated.

Thank you for your email. I am interested in pursuing this opportunity. I believe 10% is not generous enough – I propose 20%. But I am negotiable.

The reply came in all capitals. He obviously had a lot to shout about…

I THANK YOU FOR YOUR EMAIL AND YOUR WILLINGNESS TO ASSIST US IN THIS

TRANSACTION. I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR HEALTH BUT I WANT YOU TO BELIEVE ONE THING THAT GOD HAS A REASON FOR STILL KEEPING YOU ALIVE AND HAS AREASON FOR EVEYTHING THAT HAPPENS ARROUND US.

WE HAVE SET ASIDE 15% OF THE TOTAL SUM TO REWARD YOU IN THIS TRANSACTION AND YOU WILL BE GLAD YOU DID

15%? I said 20%…

Please don’t use all capitals when emailing me – it is very hard to read, and I want to be sure I know exactly what I am agreeing to.
A life changing transaction would be great. My life is pretty terrible. I do believe that God has his reasons for everything.
How did you know I have health problems?
I must again point out that 15% is not a fair share given that without my help you will not be able to conclude this transaction. I have reconsidered my offer – I will do this for no less than 30% of the deal.

So, I got a little greedy. But that’s the idea right?

Thanks for your email and after much discausions with the family member we have concluded in offering you the 30%.
These families I represent are seriously under financial mess like wise my self I have not been paid for almost 1 year now and my own direct family is also suffering. This is the main reason why the family has decided to go for this money that we have with the security company there in America and also the reason why they have set aside 15% of the total money for you because there must be expenses made by you but not too sure how much, which you have to find out your self from the security company.

I know you may find this transaction unbelievable but my dear, I want you to look around you what set of people will you find? You see the rich and the poor, do you sometimes ask your self how the rich people make there money? It’s just by taking bold steps. I have worked with my Client (Mr. Charles Taylor) the former Head of state of Liberia , I have been in power and know what and how money is made, so my dear please do not let this opportunity pass us by.

Success. But he tugged at my heart strings. That tale of woe was too much to bear. I can’t steal money from these people. I enjoyed his little lecture about embracing risk too…

Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. I appreciate your generosity in times of economic misfortune with your family.
Having heard about your circumstances I am willing to take just 20% of the final amount.
This offer does sound "unbelievable" – but I’m not one to let that prevent me exploring opportunities.
I will contact the security company. I often do look at the people around me – and I tend to see not rich and poor – but honest and dishonest. I am honest. I will keep my word to you in all things – and expect you to do so as well.
There’s a Latin phrase – Carpe Diem – which means "seize the day". I intend to do so with this transaction.
Terry, there comes a time in every relationship where both parties must demonstrate good faith. I believe I have started to do so by responding, and I will continue to do so by providing full cooperation with your requests.
I must ask that you also demonstrate good faith to me – in the first instance – I would like reassurance that you are a legitimate person, and not somebody out to take me into a confidence scam (also called a con job).
Could you please send me a copy of a photo of yourself and some identification. I will then, at a later date, ask for a further photograph to confirm your identity. I believe one must be careful when dealing with people over the Internet.

From this point Tezza has been passing me off to this security company. And a Mr Mani Kerry.

I contacted the security company, as requested. And Terry started getting a little impatient, and petulant.

He sent me a grumpy email. So I responded.

I’m not sure you understand the difference in time between two countries – I am highly unlikely to send you a response in the early hours of the morning.
I am a business man and need my sleep.
Chillax my foreign brother.
This is the soonest I could possibly reply to your missive.
Here are my details:
Name: Bruce Mark Johnson
Address: 6 Horseshoe Bay Road, Horseshoe Bay, Magnetic Island, Queensland, Australia
Do you require any further details or identification? I will send my documentation to the security company today.
I await your passport.
Best regards,
Bruce.

Tezza hadn’t come through with the documents I required.

He asked me to let the security company know there had been some delay. I’m pretty sure Tezza is the lawyers… so I got all passive aggressive.

Dear Mani, 

My lawyers are pretty slack and haven’t sent me the papers yet. I will have them to you by tomorrow at the latest.

I may have to fire the retards.

Thanks for your patience.

Yeah. That sure showed him.

Mani is from a very professional security company. They even have an awesome gif that they include in their emails.

trucking

I’d hate to keep him waiting.

Tezza finally sent me the papers…

My Dear Brother, in as much as God is on our side, we must definitely get there. Please, it is very important and urgent you contact them now and let me know. Bear in mind that the SECURITY COMPANY does not know what is in the consignment it was declared as personal effects and artifacts for security reasons.

I know that, our Good Almighty God will definitely see us through. Remember that with God, all things are possible as we wait upon his divine favor. I promised you that you would never be disappointed at the end of this transaction.

Ah, a fellow Christian brother. He needs to pass my Shibboleth test…

Thank you so much for your perseverance in securing these documents.

I must thank you, and reward you, for your efforts on this matter. I will pass the certificates on to the security company with due haste.

I am glad to hear that you trust in God – what church do you go to? What is your favourite Bible verse?

I look forward to hearing from you soon my brother from another mother.

So, now Mani wants me to pay to receive my consignment…

Please this is your invoice to commence the delivery of your consignment.  We accept 60% downpayment and upon the satisfactory delivery of your consignment we get our balance.This are the rules abiding with the security house

Demurrages———————————–$2330
DeliveryCharges——————————-$610
HandlingCharges——————————$1240
AdministrativeCharge————————–$170
Insurance——————————————-$350
Total————————————————–$4700

Note: funds should be sent through money transfer preferably MONEY GRAM to our payment receiver office in New York. For safety of your payments receiver’s names are changed periodically.

Receiver’s name-  DONALD ROGER
Address- 154th street New York NY,

Amount- $4700

Please get in touch with us by email with the payment information and for any confirmation or enquiries. Also remember to confirm to us your address and full names where the delivery will have to take place

But sending money over the internets is so dangerous. I must have some reassurance…

Many thanks for this. I appreciate your prompt reply. My full postal address is on the Drivers License attached to this email.
I have some criteria that must be met before I transfer this money to you, I have a policy that requires 100 points of ID before wiring money internationally:
1. Photographic ID – Drivers License, Passport – scanned copies are accepatble (40 points).
2. Valid Credit Card in your name – these details will be tested but no charges will be made on the card (20 points).
3. Any work or student Identification issued by an official institution – (20 points).
4. A recent photograph to corroborate the photographic ID supplied – this photograph must be produced on request as a kind of "proof of life" as evidence. The photo should contain a point of reference to this discussion to demonstrate that it is a genuine attempt to prove your identity. (60 points)
5. A phone call – to +61 407 174 734 – during Australian Business Hours – (10 points)
With regards to point 4 – I have spent the morning working with some clients on a new project they are building for their church. It’s called the Exodus 20:15 project – if you choose to provide a photograph then "Exodus 20:15" would be an appropriate reference (it just has to be written on a piece of paper, nothing fancy).
Thank you Mani. I look forward to receiving your information and identity verification before proceeding with this transfer. I have had the appropriate amount (the full fee) transferred to my operations account in order to proceed with payment. I will transfer the full amount at once to waive transaction fees – and because I trust you.

I await his reply.

Doctored emails

I know I said I was going to stop putting my conversations with Dr Paul on the main page. They’re getting too long.

But I have an excuse – there’s this cool new “text to video” platform – xtranormal – that is worth mentioning all by itself. The fact that I’ve used it to animate our current email conversations is neither here nor there… the German accent I gave him makes him just as hard to understand as he is in real life. I’ve updated the video to give him a nice clear British accent…