Inviting debate

This post was dumb. I’ve decided to delete it all and replace it with two  lists.

Five things not to do if you don’t get invited to something

  1. Feel sorry for yourself.
  2. Act like a jackass.
  3. Use the particular function as a dipping stick to assess the rest of your friendships and relationships.
  4. Assume that you should have been invited to begin with.
  5. Assume that everyone else has the same approach to things that you do.

What you should do instead

  1. If they’re your friend you should be happy for them even if you’re not going to be at their event, if they’re not then why do you care?
  2. Send a card.
  3. Invite them to your next thing.
  4. Invest more time and effort into the relationships you value.
  5. Don’t act like a jackass.

5 thoughts on “Inviting debate”

  1. Yeah, that sucks man.____My advice would be, don't say anything now. You don't a pity invite. But maybe wait for, say a couple of months or so after the weddo's, and thengive him a call, and say casually 'so how was the big day', and after he tells you, say 'sounds great, it would've been nice to see it'.____Then it's out there, but you've not said it in too heavy a way. He may apologise or explain, then you can let it go. In the meantime try and turn your thoughts away from it, because you won't get much out of it for the time being, except bitterness.____Just my thoughts, I'm sure there's better ways.

  2. Is something odd happening with paragraphs?

    Thanks for your thoughts Ben, they, along with a post post trip to the shops for lunch brought about the new iteration of this post.

  3. My sympathies, but I reckon weddings are just one of those things where it is best to step back and let it run its course. He's probably dealing with all sorts of family and budget pressure, assumptions about who couldn't come (and I'll make a bit of a generalisation here, but males will often just think 'he can't come, so I won't send an invite' – certainly my husband did) and general wedding madness. And also, I would guess, trying to rationalise his and his fiance's expectations with that of everybody else – including yours (an example: I had sisters in law as bridesmaids because I felt that this was a good way to create a strong family friendship, but I wasn't asked in return. I was hurt, but also had to realise and then understand that other people have different ways of seeing things and I shouldn't assume they should do things my way).

    Also, I don't know that many of us think clearly when planning a wedding, unfortunately.

    If you want to know why, I think the best strategy is to ask, straight out (possibly in this case, after the event). But holding onto stuff like this can wreck otherwise good relationships, often for no good reason.

  4. If in doubt, write a list.

    I'm likely to do #1 and #3 of list one. Actually, I am doing #1 and #3 right now – but not over a wedding.

    I've written a list, too. Not even remotely publishable, though.

  5. I would like to add that contrary to how it sounded above, I'm not very good at forgiving/forgetting – I'll hold onto stuff for years (including the one mentioned above, which still makes me feel a little hurt now). Just that I have to try to keep things 'out in the air' with people so it doesn't fester and grow into something nasty.

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