Nathan Campbell – Page 197

The St. Eutychus Guide to First Year Greek – Part Four

Are you bored with this yet? Don’t worry. There are probably only five more of these posts to go, and then I’ll be on to Hebrew… Thanks for humouring me. Feel free to chime in if you have any suggested memory hooks, or if I’m in error. I know some of you read Greek…

Adjectives

Greek adjectives agree with their noun in gender, number and case. This means a feminine ending, plural, nominative adjective has to match up to a feminine ending, plural, nominative noun. They have endings just like the article.

Greek adjectives work in three different ways:

1. Attributively – describes the noun eg “The good man.” In this use the adjective either shares an article with the noun and comes between the article and the noun, or has its very own article and comes emphatically after the noun eg: “The Man, The good one” which you can simplify to “the good man.” In either use the article comes right before the adjective.

2. Predicatively – The adjective can be used to assert something about the noun – “The man is good” – it functions as a complement, or equals sign (like the verb “to be”). The predicate adjective comes either before the article or after the noun. So it literally reads “good the man” or “the man good,” there will not be an article before good, in both examples you supply an “is” to make the sentence read better. Most of the time in the New Testament, ειμι (or one of its conjugations) will be in the sentence too, as an extra clue.

3. Substantively – Sometimes the adjective will supply its own in built noun (based on the word ending) so “ο αγαθος” without a nominative noun will translate to “the good man” and “η αγαθη” will translate to “the good woman.”

Adjective endings don’t always completely match up – they don’t need to in order to agree in number, gender and case – because adjectives can be used with nouns from other declensions.

There’s a tricky adjectival use where the noun is not definite. In this case you have to use context to figure out if the adjective is being used attributively or predicatively.

More Prepositions

The first four prepositions (απο, εις, εν, εκ) only work with one noun case each.

απο + genitive = from
εις + accusative = into
εν + dative = in
εκ + genitive = out of

There are five more one case prepositions:

ανα + accusative = up
αντι + genitive = instead of, in place of
προ + genitive = before (prologue)
προσ + accusative = to, toward, with
συν + dative = with

There are six further prepositions that work with two noun cases each.

δια + Genitive = through (frequently used with a passive verb as “by”)
δια + Accusative = because of
κατα + Genitive = against
κατα + Accusative = according to
μετα + Genitive = with
μετα + Accusative = after
περι + Genitive = about
περι + Accusative = around
υπερ + Genitive = for
υπερ + Accusative = above, over (hyperactive)
υπο + Genitive = by
υπο + Accusative = under (hypoactive)

And two more that have three cases:

επι + Genitive = upon
επι + Accusative = upon
επι + Dative = upon

The distinction between uses of επι has been lost.

παρα + Genitive = from
παρα + Accusative = beside
παρα + Dative = with

Prepositions before vowels and rough breathing…

Ancient Greeks obviously had troubles ending one word with a vowel and starting the next word with a vowel. So all of these prepositions except περι and προ drop their final vowel when preceding a word with a vowel. The vowel is replaced with a smooth breathing mark.

Compound Verbs

Sometimes the words get smashed together into compound verbs. If a vowel has dropped out this happens first. If a verb looks like it has a preposition mashed into it, it probably does.

Some translations are obvious eg. εκβαλλω is “out” plus “I throw” so it’s I throw out. Some have become idioms. αναγινωσκω means “I read” not “I know up”.

When a verb is in the past tense it gets an augment, a letter chucked on the front of the stem, when this happens to a compound verb, like εκβαλλω, the augment (normally an ε) goes in front of the stem. So εκβαλλω becomes εξεβαλλω. When a compound verb is used in the New Testament it is often supported by the preposition also being used with the noun.

Compound Verbs Vocab and Memory Hooks

αναγινωσκω = (anaginosko) I read = I read my vocab again and again so I’ll know it.
ανοιγω = (anoigo) I open = I open the door, an-I-go out.
αποθνησκω = (apothnesko) I die = If I catch apothnesko, I’ll die
εκβαλλω = I throw out/I cast out

Vocab and Memory Hooks

αγαθος = (agathos) good = Agatha Christie novels are good.
αγαπητος = (agapetos) beloved = love + to
αλλος = (allos) other = Allos the others
δυνατος = (dunatos) powerful, possible = Powerful Scotsmen dunatos the caber.
εκαστος = (ekastos) each, every = I get sick at the Ekka every time I go.
εσχατος = (eschatos) last = Eschatology
καινος = (kainos) new = The principal brought a new kainos to school.
κακος = (kakos) bad = kakos sounds like a word for excrement.
καλος = (kalos) beautiful = Kalostomy bags are not beautiful
μονος = (monos) only = monobrow=only brow
πιστος = (pistos) faithful = If I were a superhero I would call my faithful sidekick “Pistos”
πρωος = (protos) first = prototype.
σοφος = (sophos) wise = Wise people are so sophosticated.
τριτος = (tritos) third = Triceratops have a third horn.
αγιος = (agios) holy = I drank the Holy Water and had to hold on for agios.
αξιος = (aksios) worthy = People who say aks instead of ask are not worthy.
δευτερος = (deuteros) second = Deuteronomy is the “second” statement of the law (nomos).
δικαιος = (dikaios) righteous = I’m just going to have to remember this one too…
ετερος = (heteros) other, different = I am a heterosexual.
ισχυρος = (isxuros) strong = I’ve got nothing.
μακαριος = (makarios) blessing = It will be a blessing to eat Maccas again.
μικρος = (mikros) small = mikroscopic
νεκρος = (nekros) dead = with a bit of unnecessary Japanese thrown in, the only good cat (neko) is a dead cat (nekros)
νεος = (neos) new = neo-orthodox
πονηρος = (poneros) evil = Dr Evil is so pon(d)erous.
αδυνατος = (adunatos) = I’m not a powerful Scotsman so a-dunatos the caber, it is impossible.
αιωνιος = (aionios) eternal = Eternity goes on for aeons.
ακαθαρτος = (akathartos) unclean = It is not cathartic for an OCD person to have unclean hands.
απιστος = (apistos) unfaithful = the unfaithful friend apistos in your pocket.

May 25, 2010

The St. Eutychus Guide to First Year Greek – Part Three

More Nouns

The First Declension (which textbooks tend to deal with second) has a nice rule that helps with the tables. Or a couple of rules.

Feminine Nouns of the First Declension

It splits nouns into categories based on the final letter of the root (which is the noun’s stem). If the root of a word ends with ε, ι, or ρ then the endings go:

N: α
G: ας
D: ᾳ
A: αν
V: α

If it ends with a sibilant (ζ, σ, ψ, or ξ) then the α becomes an η in the genitive and dative cases – so:

N: α
G ης
D: ῃ
A: αν
V: α.

If the root ends with anything else then it gets an η and the same pattern, so:

N: η
G: ης
D: ῃ
A: ην
V: η.

Masculine Nouns

The masculine nouns are different.

They either end with an α or an η and follow the feminine pattern (except in the genitive). But they add an ς to the end of the last So:

N: ης, ας
G: ου
D: ῃ, ᾳ
V: ην, αν

Plurals

All the first Declension nouns have the same plural endings.

N/V: αι
G: ων
D: αις
A: ας

Prepositions

Prepositions in Greek always come before the noun they describe. Prepositions in Greek have a semantic range, and depending on the case of the noun they work with have different meanings. Some prepositions only have one case though… These are:

απο: Genitive. From/of/away from
εις: Accusative. Into/to/for/in
εκ: Genitive. Out of/from/by
εν: Dative. In/within/by/with/among

When these prepositions are used with a noun of the same case they work together to form a prepositional phrase. So crowd in the dative case (“τῳ οχλῳ”) would normally be translated as “for the crowd”, when you chuck the preposition “εν” in front of “τῳ οχλῳ” it becomes “in the crowd”

Vocab and Memory Hooks

αληθεια = (aletheia) Truth = Aletheia will set you free
αμαρτια = (amartia) Sin = When children do bad things the other kids go “amar…tia”
βασιλεια = (basileia) Kingdom, reign = Basil Fawlty reigns over his kingdom
διακονια = (diakonia) Ministry, service =
εκκλησια = (ekklesia) Church = Ecclesiastes is an odd name because it doesn’t talk about church
εξουσια = (exsousia) authority/right = Obama is the president because he had the best exsousia.
επιθυμια = (epithumia) desire/lust = When you go to romantic lookouts in winter without jumpers you get epithumia (like hypothermia)
ημερα = (hemera) day = If you sit on the toilet for a day you’ll get hemera.
καρδια = (kardia) heart = Cardiac.
μαρτυρια = (marturia) testimony = You have to be maturia to give your testimony in a Baptist church
οικια = (oikia) house = Even the Greeks by homewares at Oikia.
παρρησια = (parresia) boldness = People from Paris are unfortunately not very bold, they are cheese eating surrender monkeys.
σοφια = (sophia) wisdom = You won’t get wise unless you get up off the sophia
σωτηρια = (soteria) salvation =
χαρα = (xara) joy = I’ve got that xara, xara, xara, down in my heart. Where?
ωρα = (hora) hour = Hours spent doing Greek vocab are horas of my life that I won’t get back
γλωσσα = (glossa) = I had to look up speaking in tongues in the Bible’s glossary.
δοξα = (doxa) glory = doxology. Again.
θαλασσα = (thallasa) sea = Trying to remember the sea with this hook is a thallasea
αγαπη = (agape) love = everyone knows this one.
αρχη = (arxe) beginning = Just after the beginning Noah went for a ride in the arxe
γη = (ge) earth = geology is the study of ge.
γραφη = (graphe) Scripture/writings = If you show me a graphe, I’ll take it as scripture.
διαθηκη = (diatheke) covenant = When my twoth ekes I make a covenant with my dentist.
διδαχη = (didaxe) teaching = didactic
δικαιοσυνη = (dikaiosune) righteousness = I’m just going to have to remember this one.
ειρηνη = (eirene) peace = Apparently irenic means peaceful, that’s ironic when you think about Ireland, and Iran.
εντολη = (entole) commandment = When you drive on new roads you are commanded to pay the entole.
επιστολη = (epistole) epistle/letter = Easy.
ζωη = (zoe) life = I go to the zoo to see lots of life.
κεφαλη = (kephale) head = kephale, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes
ογρη = (Ogre) Anger = Shrek is angry.
παραβολη = (parabole) parable = Speaks for itself.
περιτομη = (peritome) circumcision = a cut around the perimeter.
προσευχη = (proseuxe) prayer = Daniel didn’t pray so he got proseuxeted.
συναγογη = (sunagoge) synagogue = Speaks for itself.
υπομονη = (upomone) endurance = When Lance Armstrong took upomone he got more endurance.
φωνη = (phone) sound = You’re making too much sound on that phone.
ψυχη = (psuxe) soul/life = Greek psuxe the life out of you
ματητης = The disciples were mathletes.
προφητης = (prophetes) prophets = Umm. I don’t know.
στρατιωτης = (stratiotes) Soldier = Soldiers are told to do strategic things.
τελωνης = (telones) Tax collector = The tax collectors want to get their telones into you.
υποκριτης = (hupokrites) hypocrites = Again. What’s with the English words.
Μεσσιας = (Messias) Messiah
νεανιας = (neanias) young man = When I play soccer against a young I want to kick him in the neanias.
απο = (apo) from/away from = apostasy is going away from the faith.
εις = (eis) into = I throw my ace into the mix.
εκ = (ek) out of = get me the ‘eck out of ‘ere
εν = (en) in = Enter in.

May 25, 2010

YouTube Tuesday: The Elisha Song

Thanks to Peter Y for this one…

May 25, 2010

Pacmania: Google’s Pacman costs world billions

As reported the other day, to celebrate Pacman’s 30th birthday Google created a playable Pacman version of its logo. It’s now permanently available. The playable logo is estimated to have consumed 4.8 million man hours globally.

RescueTime is a program that monitors online usage. They extrapolated their data to reach that figure.

Here’s the baseline:

Our average Google user spends only 4 and a half active minutes on Google search per day, spread over about 22 page views. That’s roughly 11 seconds of attention invested in each Google page view. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but next time you do a search, count to 11- it’s a long time.

Here’s what the study found:

The average user spent 36 seconds MORE on Google.com on Friday.. Thankfully, Google tossed out the logo with pretty low “perceived affordance” – they put an “insert coin” button next to the search button, but I imagine most users missed that. In fact, I’d wager that 75% of the people who saw the logo had no idea that you could actually play it. Which the world should be thankful for.

If we take Wolfram Alpha at its word, Google had about 504,703,000 unique visitors on May 23. If we assume that our userbase is representative, that means:

Google Pac-Man consumed 4,819,352 hours of time (beyond the 33.6m daily man hours of attention that Google Search gets in a given day)

$120,483,800 is the dollar tally, If the average Google user has a COST of $25/hr (note that cost is 1.3 – 2.0 X pay rate).

For that same cost, you could hire all 19,835 google employees, from Larry and Sergey down to their janitors, and get 6 weeks of their time. Imagine what you could build with that army of man power.

$298,803,988 is the dollar tally if all of the Pac-Man players had an approximate cost of the average Google employee.

May 25, 2010

Get me to 50

Hey readers,

St. Eutychus has 48 Facebook Fans. I’m not that fussed about Facebook fans, but I don’t like numbers that are close to round, but not. So if two of you who aren’t fans yet could click this link, that would be great. Part of me balks at this sort of self-promotion, that part loses out to my round number OCD.

Plus it helps me know who’s out there, reading, especially if you’re a lurker. I’ll understand if you’re worried about Facebook privacy controls and third parties exploiting your details – but I promise not to abuse any contact information that comes my way.

May 25, 2010

Totally awesome weekend project: Iron Man Suit

If only I had time on my hands, and didn’t have to resort to blogging in the five minutes between lectures, I would totally try to duplicate this project. This guy, Anthony Le, built an (almost) working Iron Man Suit. Actually, he built a War Machine suit, because War Machine has more cool toys.

It cost US$4,000, is held together by “high impact urethane” and more than 1,500 rivets. The helmet was formed from clay and finished with resin. The spinning cylindrical gun is controlled by a button in the suit’s glove, and can fire paintballs. The motorised helmet opens and closes. Here it is in action (I think, I haven’t watched this yet).

May 25, 2010

God Hates Rock Stars

More Backwards Masking Unmasked to come, in the meantime, beware…

Via Pleated Jeans’ 15 examples of bad Christian propaganda.

Fred Phelps from Westboro Baptist appears to have read a little too much Jacob Aranza. His angry mob will be protesting at Black Sabbath’s Ronnie James Dio’s funeral…

“This rebel had a God-given platform – for decades – which he should have utilized to publish the truth of God. Instead, he used that platform – for decades – to teach rebellion against God, in the form glorifying atheism, promoting the devil horn hand sign & other such idolatries.”

Apparently the word “sorceries” in Revelation actually means “druggies.” So Dio was also a sorcerer.

May 25, 2010

The St. Eutychus Guide to First Year Greek – Part Two

Nouns

A noun has four roles or functions within a sentence, aka cases, (and a fifth rare type): the nominative, genitive, dative, accusative, and vocative. Each has a particular ending which represents the noun’s function in a sentence. They come in declensions (patterns) – each declension has a different set of endings. Nouns also indicate gender. A noun is masculine, feminine or neuter. Inanimate objects can be masculine or feminine.

If it is the subject of a sentence (the thing doing stuff) it’s nominative. If it is the object (the thing stuff gets done to) – it’s the accusative. If it in someway related to possession (eg if it is something from the nominative, or belonging to the nominative) it is genitive. If it is an indirect object it’s dative. For example in the sentence: “I give the ball to you”, I am the nominative, the ball is the accusative, and you are the dative, give is the verb.

The genitive can be used as the “ablatival genitive” which indicates the source of the thing (“I take the ball from the cupboard”), the dative can be used as a locative dative (in), the instrumental dative (by) and the dative of personal advantage (for). These uses are likely to come up in exam questions because they’ll trip you up if you’re not careful.

The declensions come in tables that you have to try to learn by rote. I hate learning by rote.

Nouns have stems too. They have case-number suffixes (like the verbs have person-number suffixes) that stick on the end to tell you what the word does in the sentence.

Neuter plural nouns are a bit like collective nouns in English. They take singular verbs.

Some nouns try to trick you by being cross-dressers or having special patterns (aka declensions). You can always tell what gender a noun is by the article (the) that comes before it. Greek has 24 words for “the”, or more correctly, four cases, with three genders and singular and plural options – there is some duplication across the grid (eg all the genitive plural articles are the same).

Complement

Sometimes a nominative cased verb will actually be playing the part of the accusative. This happens in a “complement” where you’re basically throwing an equal sign into the statement. You’ve just got to think of ειμι (I am) as an equals sign. It’ll come with a nominative noun, but you’ll need to supply the pronoun to complete the complement.

Conjunctions

Greek, like every other language known to man, has conjunctions. They bring two clauses together.

δε means “now” or “but” – it’s a strong statement, and it’s postpositive. It never starts a sentence. It tells you that something new has been introduced.
και means and, it used twice in a sentence it means “both…and”
αλλα is “but” it marks a stark contrast between sentences.

Word Order

Because nouns have cases and verbs have all sorts of bells and whistles syntax is of reduced importance in Greek. You can jumble up the order and the meaning will still be determined by the endings. Normal word order for English is “subject verb object”, normal word order for Greek is “verb subject object” – changing the word order is normally a marker of some sort of significant emphasis.

Vocab and Memory Hooks

αγγελος* = (angelos) = angel or messenger = self explanatory
αγρος = agros = field = like agriculture
αδελφος = (adelphos) = brother = like Philadelphia (brotherly love)
αλλα = (alla) = but = But alla the other guys get to watch TV.
αμαρτωλος = Sinner = (amartolos) Sinner = Amart-all-sports is actually where the rebels go.
ανθρωπος = (anthropos) man/person = anthropology
δε = but = but de other guy hit me first
διακονος = (diakonos) deacon = self explanatory
δουλος = (doulos) servant/slave = If I had a servant/slave they would δουλος for me.
δωρον = (doron) gift = Doron look a gift horse in the mouth.
εργον = (ergon) work = people who work at εργον don’t do any.
ερεμος = (eremos) wilderness = If your GPS takes you to the wilderness it’s made an ερεμος
ευαγγελιον = (euangelion) good news = like evangelism.
θανατος = (thanatos) death = Then Athos got stabbed, and he died.
ιερον = (eyeron) temple = the temple got i-roned out by the Romans
λαμβανω = (Lambano) I take = I take a lamb-an-o-pen up the oven.
λεγω = (lego) I speak = I would like to speak like the people on the Leggo’s ad
λιθος = (lithos) stone = lithographs are carved in stone.
λογος = (logos) word = Your logo is your business in a word.
νομος = (nomos) law = If you’re autonomous, you’re a law unto yourself.
οδος = (hodos) road/way = Hit the hodos Jack, and don’t you come back
οικος = (oikos) house = I had to write about οικος in an essay so I have not trouble with this one…
οχλος = (oxlos) crowd = There are big crowds at the bull fights to see the ox loss.
τεκνον = (teknon) child = Looking after children is tekn’on a big responsibility
υιος** = (wi-os) son = Your son ui-sed all over the floor
φερω = (phero) to bear = Apparently Christopher means “bearer of Christ”…

*γγ together is pronounced as ng.

** ui as in suite – which I sort of render as “wee”

May 25, 2010

At the end of the day we’ll never get rid of cliches going forward

A journalist has been researching cliches. Which might sound a bit like a cigarette company researching the harm caused by nicotine. But this journo, Chris Pash, came up with the following as the most (over)used cliches in journalism…

1. At the end of the day

2. Split second

3. About face

4. Unsung heroes

5. Outpouring of support

6. Last-ditch effort

7. Concerned residents

He also makes this statement:

Writers in particular genres tend to reach for particular cliches. Book reviewers, for example, favour “compelling” and “masterful”as well as the made-up word “unputdownable”, whereas travel writers show an over-dependence on “paradise”, “must-see” and “best-kept secret”.

Which is true for any profession. We’ve all got our own jargon and favourite terminology. One of my favourite media release cliches was “key strategy” – which is both weaselly, buzzwordy, and slightly tautologous. Perfect cliche fodder. It almost always came with the modifier “one of our” (and the accompanying pluralisation of strategy) – just to show that we weren’t nailed down to a single idea.

Pash manages the Dow Jones Factiva Database, which stores all the content from about 25,000 major news outlets and magazines. He ran searches on the material for particular phrases, like “at the end of the day” and identified the list above as the most commonly used cliches.

But, at the end of the day, nobody really needs to write “at the end of the day” do they?

Pash attributes the soul-crushing dominance of “at the end of the day” at least partly to its frequent appearance in direct quotes, particularly those given by politicians. “They use it almost as punctuation,” he says.

Being aware of the cliches you use is good. Because cliches make for tired writing, and thus, bad communication. As soon as a phrase becomes a cliche it has lost its magic.

May 24, 2010

The St. Eutychus Guide to First Year Greek – Part One

I threatened to do this a while ago. I’m testing the theory that blogging is my learning language. So trying to rewrite the chapters of our textbook, and lectures, in a way that makes sense to me. I plan to one day write a book “The Stupid Greek Rules that Exist Just to Confuse Students”. It will make me millions.

If you’d like to join in the fun – how bout suggesting some rude memory hooks for my vocab. The ruder they are, the easier they are to remember.

Amalgamation in the Future Tense

This rule is one of the first hurdles thrown in for beginner Greek students. The future tense in Greek chucks an σ (s) in the middle of a word, after the stem (the stem of a verb stays the same in any form of that verb, an English equivalent is loved, loving, loves, (I) love – the stem is lov). The σ, called a future time morpheme, doesn’t play nice with some other letters. It’s a bit racialist. It won’t hang out with a π (p), β (b), φ (f or ph) – if you try to make them hang out they get in a twist and become a ψ (ps). The σ is pickier still. It also doesn’t like κ (k), γ (g), or χ(x). With these bad boys the σ becomes a ξ (xs). There are some letters the σ won’t even get tangled up with. They just disappear. These are the τ (t), δ (d), and θ (th).

There are 24 letters in the greek alphabet and the σ won’t play nice with nine of them. It also has its own “special” form when it falls at the end of a word (ς).

The person number suffix and the disappearing ν

There are two Greek letters that look like English letters but sound nothing like them (or three if you think ω looks like a w). The ν is actually an n, and the ρ is an r.

The future time morpheme isn’t the only thing you chuck on a stem. There’s also the person-number suffix. Each verb comes with a built in person. Just in case you’re too lazy to write a noun. So “λυω” which means “I release”, has a built in “I” – a first person number suffix (ω). This suffix changes depending on whether the verb is plural or singular, and whether it’s first, second, or third person. You also, for the purpose of pronunciation (probably) and confusing poor students (definitely), chuck a vowel on the stem before the suffix. I’ll put a / in these examples to demonstrate where the stem ends and the suffix begins.

So:

λυ/ω = first person, singular = I release
λυ/εις = second person, singular = you release
λυ/ει = third person, singular = he/she/it releases
λυ/ο/μεν = first person, plural = we release
λυ/ε/τε = second person, plural = you(se) release
λυ/ουσι(ν) = third person plural = they release

The ν on the end of the third person plural is a “movable ν” – it just disappears whenever it feels like it, or before any word that starts with a consonant. It’s like our indefinite article (“an” and “a”, though Greek does not have an indefinite article)

The built in noun works a little like this: νατηανοσ λυει translates “Nathan releases,” a sentence that just has the word λυει translates “he releases.” Or she, or it, depending on context. This becomes handy once you learn about nouns and their cases, because nouns can play different roles in a sentence and sometimes there’s a missing noun that you’ll find inside the verb (if the “nominative” case is missing).

Bonus basics

The way a verb functions can also be altered by the presence of a “negative” – in the indicative mood this will be either ου, ουκ (if the word comes before a word starting with a vowel), or ουχ (if the word comes before a vowel that has a rough breathing mark (a rough breathing mark makes a “h” sound so υπο with a rough breathing mark is pronounced “hupo”) so ουκ λυω is I do not release. ην is used in the non-indicative moods.
The question mark “;” changes the verb as well. So λυω; is “Do I release”…

Semantic Range

Greek words have a variety of meanings and can’t always be pinned down to a single English equivalent. It’s more helpful to think of them as describing concepts.

Vocab and Memory Hooks

αγω = (ago) I lead = Caesar was a leader from long αγω…
ακουω = (akou-o) I hear = This place as good ακουωstics
βαπτιζω = (Baptizo) I Baptise = speaks for itself…
βλεπω = (Blepo) I see = I see a βλεπω on the radar.
γραφω = (grapho) I write = I like to write in grids, like a γραφω
διδασκω = (didasko) I teach = Didactic
δοξαζω = (doxazo) I glorify = Doxology
ετοιμαζω = (etoimazo) I prepare = When we have visitors I need to prepare by cleaning up m’ετοιμαζο (eh – toy – mess – oh). Or something.
εχω = (exo) I have = I have an εχωllent wife. If I make puns like this I may not any longer, then she’d be my εχο…
θεραπευω = (therapeu-o) I heal = Therapy
κηρυσσω = (Kerusso) I preach = Tom κηρυσσω preaches about Scientology.
λυω = (luo) I loose/release = Pilate released Barabbas in λυω Jesus
πειθω = (paytho*) I trust = Never trust a Spaniard with a lisp, he will still your πειθωs.
πεμπω = (pempo) I send = Send him off with πεμπω and ceremony.
πιστευω =(pisteu-o) I believe = I would not believe it if you told me you πιστευω metres in the air.
σωζω = (sozo) I save = Pele shoots, but Jesus σωζω
ειμι = (amy*) I am = I’m me, I am.

ειμι and πειθω contain a dipthong – two vowels stuck together that make a single sound. The ει dipthong makes an “ay” sound. The other dipthongs make sounds like they do in English words, except for αυ (which makes an “ow” sound), the others make sound like the following: αι (aisle), οι (oil), υι (suite), , ευ (feud), and ου (soup)

May 24, 2010

Meta-Venn

Via Book Of Joe

May 23, 2010

The beer they drink in heaven

Via Jesus Needs New PR.

May 23, 2010

What? The Devil is wrong with country – part 2 – FAQ

Jacob Aranza is a man who believes in offering solutions to real world problems. He’s a man of the people (unless you’re a rock star or country muso). His second book features a chapter of his questions and answers from readers of the first book. Lest you wander into rock and roll temptation here they are… though sometimes I think Mr Aranza pulls his punches, so I’ve given my own answer to the questions below.

WARNING: May contain traces of bad theology for the sake of satire. Bad theology is easy, I can see why the new atheists take the Bible out of context so often, they can pretty much twist it to say whatever they want.

Several people have asked me if Mr Aranza has anything to say about their favourite 80s band. If yours missed out (from a pretty comprehensive list) then don’t un-despair just yet.

Question: I know what you say about the groups in your book is true, but you didn’t mention my favourite group. What about them?
Aranza’s Answer: I may not have spoken about your favourite rock or country group, but if their goal isn’t to glorify God and help build his kingdom, then their music will hinder and distract you from serving God, and can easily provoke you to rebel against God.

My Answer: You know what, if they’re your “favourite” they’re an idol. Sing the Psalms. They’re the only inspired songs (except for a few in the New Testament, you can sing those too).

Question: The groups I listen to don’t sing about Satan, sex, or drugs. What’s wrong with listening to them?
Aranza’s Answer: Just because a group doesn’t openly sing about immorality doesn’t mean their music is approved by God. If the music you’re listening to doesn’t come from the heart of a spiritual Christian artist you are opening the door to carnality, humanism, and demonic forces. It will distract you from serving him, feed self-centeredness, and eventually breed rebellion in your heart. Just because something appears to be good doesn’t mean it is good.

My Answer: Well, ask yourself “could I dance to this song” if the answer is yes then the music is a stumbling block – and no true Christian would create a stumbling block for their brother (or sister).

Question: I don’t really like what a lot of rock groups sing about, but I don’t listen to the words. I just like the music. Isn’t that OK?
Aranza’s Answer: It might be OK if you didn’t have a spirit or a brain. You may not realise it, but you are more than a physical body. You also have a mind and a spirit which both respond to music. Your mind is like a computer and absorbs what it hears including words to music. It can’t be avoided since your brain takes and stores the information you hear and receive through your senses. Your spirit also responds to music because God created music as a spiritual force. If you are a Christian, the Spirit of Christ dwells in your spirit, making you sensitive to God’s voice and will. When you listen to music that isn’t inspired by God it dulls your sensitivity to God. Eventually it will breed rebellion in you. It’s a lot like smoking cigarettes. They will make you an addict and give you cancer, killing the life in you. This is Satan’s ultimate plan for music, no matter how innocent it might sound.

My Answer: Does it have drums? Drums are a sure sign that this music is the Devil’s music. Drums lead to tapping your feet, tapping your feet leads to dancing, and dancing leads to premarital sex and babies born out of wedlock. Is that what you really want?

Question: What about instrumental music?
Answer: Concerning this subject I would like to quote someone known to have specialised in instrumental music. While I was speaking in Louisville, Kentucky, the pastor shared with me that Phil Driscoll had been there the previous week. Phil Driscoll was in secular music for many years as a writer and instrumentalist making up to $450,000 a year previous to his conversion to Christ. Phil shared that he felt the spirit of whoever was playing the music was the spirit that would influence those who listened to it. I agree with this.

I might add that there are plenty of instrumental albums produced by Christian artists, from jazz to classical, and from pop to easy listening. There’s no excuse for listening to secular music anymore. Whether [or not] the music has words, the spiritual force behind it will affect you.

My Answer: Instrumental music is the most dangerous part. The Bible clearly shows us that playing instruments leads to death. Especially the tambourine. In Judges 11, Jepthath’s daughter plays the tambourine and dances, and her father puts her to death. In 2 Samuel 6 the Israelites dance around playing tambourines and other instruments – and God strikes Uzzah dead. Tambourines and dancing are bad. Despite what the Salvation Army and Timbrel Praise will try to tell you.

Question: I don’t like non-Christian music but I work in a place where it is played al day long. What should I do?
Answer: You can start by expressing your views to your boss. Let him know that the major themes of the music are sex, drinking, drugs and satanism. Try to get them to play instrumental music and offer to bring in your own instrumental music. They’d probably like the Christian instrumental music and wouldn’t be offended because there aren’t any words. If you can’t get rid of the secular music, then be sure to keep a song in your heart that you sing to the Lord. Ask God each day to protect you from the negative forces behind this music. No matter what happens, have confidence that God will give you the power to be victorious in this situation.

My Answer: Ask yourself “what would Jesus do”… not gentle Jesus meek and mild, but Revelation Jesus. Quit your job, and purify the office with fire.

May 23, 2010

These two are “Bieberievers”

Like many Australian males over the age of 15, the first time I heard of Justin Bieber was when he caused a riot in Sydney. I haven’t heard his actual song. The one that apparently goes “baby, baby, baby, oh” – but I read the lyrics online somewhere. They didn’t sound very intelligent. Which is why I can’t see how these two adolescents (or adults) thought it was a good idea to dub “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, oh” over the top of the lyrics, while dancing badly. And I certainly can’t see how they thought it was a good idea to then put their handiwork on YouTube.

May 22, 2010

Stuff Christians Watch

That’s it. I’m moving to America. I can make bad television to my heart’s content, knowing that there’s an outlet for anything, so long as I mention Christianity.

This is bad.

May 22, 2010