I don’t want to sound like a total Apple fanboy (I remember when I used to be an unfanboy) – but the iPhone is the future of music in church. Don’t believe me?
The real question is how emo “worship” leaders are going to manage procreation without a guitar to attract the ladies…
I’ve got a bunch of things to say about atheism in a later post. But you should watch this video, if you have 30 minutes…
It’s mostly the clothes. To be honest.
I don’t want to look like a Rubik’s cube.
Or a motherboard.
From Bad Vestments.
Jacob Aranza was right.
Rock and Roll is for Klingons (who Jesus hates).
Even the Catholics are onto you back masking rock stars – I’ve always wondered why “another one bites the dust” made me want to start smoking marijuana:
Crystal ball gazing is going to get you into trouble…
But, Aranza was wrong. There is no such thing as “Christian rock”… this comes in eight parts (I’ve started this at the relevant bit, the background is that this guy is a prophet of true Christianity).
I think this guy also thinks coffee and failing businesses are Satan’s work.
The solution is to be less enthusiastic in our singing.
This is simultaneously helpful and unhelpful. Given that we believe “I’ll pray for you” actually is a method for caring for people that particular critique is mostly unfounded (though “I’ll pray for you” with no offer of physical help does smack of hypocrisy).
What do you reckon? And are there other phrases we should reconsider?
I think that’s the 11th commandment. Don’t watch this on YouTube – the comment thread has been hijacked… although watching it here will give you a good understanding why that’s the case. It’s kind of creepy and emotionally manipulative at the same time…
This guy has it all sorted. (via Jesus Needs New PR – a pretty awesome blog)
Every altar call should come in the squared circle…
Maybe the Pressies should start a federation called the WCF.
The wrestling for Jesus man says they save 10% of their crowd per event. Those are the people sprinkled with the blood and sweat of the wrestlers (but never immersed).
Just ask yourself – who would Jesus fight?
According to Acts 29, a minister should, amongst other qualities, be able to comprehend, and communicate effectively on these 119 issues.
1. Adoption
2. Ammillenialism
3. Angels
4. Apostle
5. Aseity
6. Baptism in the Holy Spirit
7. Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit
8. Body of Christ
9. Born Again
10. Canonicity
11. Common grace
12. Communicable and Incommunicable Attributes
13. Complementarian
14. Conversion
15. Cosmological Argument
16. Covenant
17. Covenant of Grace
18. Covenant of works
19. Covenant community
20. Credo Baptism
21. Deacon
22. Death
23. Decree of God
24. Definite Atonement
25. Demons
26. Dichotomy
27. Disciple
28. Doctrines of Grace
29. Ecclesiology
30. Effectual Calling
31. Egalitarian
32. Eisogesis
33. Ekklesia
34. Elder
35. Election
36. Eschatology
37. Excommunication
38. Exegesis
39. Exorcisms
40. Expiation
41. External Calling
42. Faith
43. Father
44. Final Judgment
45. Foreknowledge of God
46. Forensic Justification
47. Free will
48. General Revelation
49. Glorification
50. Heaven
51. Hell
52. Hematology
53. Hermeneutics
54. Holy Spirit
55. Humiliation of Christ
56. Hypostatic Union
57. Imago Dei
58. Imminent Return
59. Impeccability
60. Imputation of Sin
61. Incarnation
62. Incomprehensibility Of God
63. Inerrancy
64. Infallibility
65. Infinite
66. Intercession
67. Invisible Church
68. Keys of the Kingdom
69. Liberty
70. Limited Free will
71. Lord’s Supper
72. Lordship Salvation
73. Mediator
74. Millennium
75. Miracles
76. New heavens and new earth
77. Officer in the church
78. Omniscience
79. Ontological Argument
80. Original Sin
81. OT and NT Priest
82. Overseer
83. Paedo Baptism
84. Parousia
85. Particular Redemption
86. Penal Substitution
87. Pneumatology
88. Postmillenialism
89. Predestination
90. Premillenialism
91. Propitiation
92. Providence
93. Rapture
94. Reconciliation
95. Redemption
96. Regeneration
97. Regulatory principle
98. Religious Affections
99. Repentance
100. Reprobation
101. Resurrection
102. Sanctification
103. Satan
104. Second Coming
105. Son of God
106. Soteriology
107. Sovereignty
108. Special Revelation
109. Spiritual Body
110. T.U.L.I.P.
111. Teleological Argument
112. The Fall of Mankind
113. Theology proper
114. Total inability
115. Transcendence
116. Tribulation
117. Trinity
118. Virgin Birth
119. Worship
And be able to apply a scriptural argument on the following 24 issues:
1. Annihilationism
2. Antinomianism
3. Arianism
4. Arminianism
5. Consubstantiation
6. Deism
7. Dictation Theory
8. Dispensationalism
9. Doceticism
10. Dualism
11. Evolution
12. Fatalism
13. Feminism
14. Limbo
15. Monism
16. Pantheism
17. Pelagianism
18. Perfectionism
19. Purgatory
20. Soul Sleep
21. The Mass (Catholic)
22. Theistic Evolution
23. Transubstantiation
24. Universalism
This is why I think the Westminster Confession is a good thing. Somebody has done the hard work (mostly) for us.
So how do you score on those 143 items? How would Jesus score (based on his teaching in his time)?
I’m calling for a retranslation of Matthew 24:6. We’re living in strange times. With strange people. Here are some media stories about public Christianity that have grabbed my attention in the last few weeks.
A UK judge ruled that a Christian sex therapist could not refuse his services to a gay couple.
‘Law for the protection of a position held purely on religious grounds cannot therefore be justified. It is irrational, as preferring the subjective over the objective. But it is also divisive, capricious and arbitrary.’
‘We do not live in a society where all the people share uniform religious beliefs.
‘The precepts of any one religion – any belief system – cannot, by force of their religious origins, sound any louder in the general law than the precepts of any other.
‘If they did, those out in the cold would be less than citizens, and our constitution would be on the way to a theocracy, which is of necessity autocratic.’
‘The law of a theocracy is dictated without option to the people, not made by their judges and governments.
‘The individual conscience is free to accept such dictated law, but the State, if its people are to be free, has the burdensome duty of thinking for itself.”
I didn’t know the English had a consitutional right to sex therapy. Forcing people to act against their conscience in the interest of “freedom” seems pretty odd to me.
But England is pretty messed up, just days later a Christian street preacher was arrested for privately telling (according to the reports) an off duty (gay atheist) police liaison officer that he believed homosexuality was a sin.
Whether or not homosexuality is a sin (I believe it is) is not the point here – whether or not we can voice opinions over things we disagree with is a much more important issue. I’m not sure why an atheist (which the complainant claims to be) would be offended that a God they don’t believe in thinks their conduct is sinful – especially when he defines every person as sinful, and every sin as essentially genetic (an inherited trait).
Things aren’t much better in the US – where a judge just ruled that the cross is a symbol for everybody – not just Christians. Much to the chagrin of atheists and Americans of other religions… here’s a section of the transcript.
MR. ELIASBERG: It doesn’t say that, but a cross is the predominant symbol of Christianity and it signifies that Jesus is the son of God and died to redeem mankind for our sins, and I believe that’s why the Jewish war veterans —
JUSTICE SCALIA: It’s erected as a war memorial. I assume it is erected in honor of all of the war dead. It’s the — the cross is the — is the most common symbol of — of — of the resting place of the dead, and it doesn’t seem to me — what would you have them erect? A cross — some conglomerate of a cross, a Star of David, and you know, a Moslem half moon and star?
MR. ELIASBERG: Well, Justice Scalia, if I may go to your first point. The cross is the most common symbol of the resting place of Christians. I have been in Jewish cemeteries. There is never a cross on a tombstone of a Jew.
(Laughter.)
MR. ELIASBERG: So it is the most common symbol to honor Christians.
JUSTICE SCALIA: I don’t think you can leap from that to the conclusion that the only war dead that that cross honors are the Christian war dead. I think that’s an outrageous conclusion.
MR. ELIASBERG: Well, my — the point of my — point here is to say that there is a reason the Jewish war veterans came in and said we don’t feel honored by this cross. This cross can’t honor us because it is a religious symbol of another religion.
Closer to home, a Geelong church had an Easter publicity stunt closed by police because it was offensive. They were trying to re-enact the crucifixion in a public space. Who thought that would be a good idea? Seriously. I know the crucifixion is important – but in terms of scarring (and scaring) little children in a public place the only way you could create more shock would be to crucify the Easter Bunny and tell them they aren’t getting any eggs.
I know the message of the cross is offensive – that doesn’t mean we have to go out of our way to offend people with it. Like this:
The minister of the church responsible, Sarah Keneally, said:
“When the police stopped it I looked behind me and there were about eight children … watching it and none of them looked distressed,” she said.
“I think it was pretty sad that a Christian group couldn’t express what Easter was truly about for one hour – it wasn’t like we were trying to take over the city or tell everyone they were going to hell.”
She said the group did not get a chance to talk with police before the display was shut down.
“They didn’t talk to us first, they just came and yanked the cord out of our amp and said we had to stop,” she said.
“We got through 40 minutes of Jesus hanging on the cross with two women mourning and instrumental music. I was a bit disappointed we weren’t allowed to have a one-hour demonstration.’
The Bible tells us to go and tell the world about Jesus.
“It doesn’t say to stay in a church and hope that everyone will turn up there because they won’t.”
Ms Kenneally said if the church conducts the same re-enactment next year it would consider cutting out the fake blood element.
“We would probably modify that a bit,” she said.
“We don’t want to, but if that’s what the public are saying, we would if we needed to.”
There’s a big difference between telling the world about Jesus and shoving a gory picture of his crucifixion in their faces.
This doesn’t really look like any church I’ve ever been to. But then again, none of North Point’s videos look like they come from any church I’ve ever been to.
“Sunday’s Coming” Movie Trailer from North Point Media on Vimeo.
Despite the lack of familiarity this still made me laugh. I think Gary gets the honours for finding this one…
You’ll be thrilled to learn that Jacob Aranza wrote a follow up to his hit tome on Backwards Masking – Backwards Masking Unmasked – he called the sequel More Rock Country And Backward Masking Unmasked it sounds like good blogging fodder, so I’ve ordered it. You’ll know when it arrives.
Stay tuned for my next installment.
Well firstly, Ben drew me this.
And found Jacob Aranza’s Twitter account…
And now…
Jacob Aranza’s Rock History
If I were to come into your home and tell you to worship Satan I wonder what your response would be. I presented this question to a crowd of young people I was to speak to about rock and roll. Their response was one of complete shock. It sounded as removed from rock and roll as the subject of sex might seem. Yet sex is just as related as Satan is to rock and roll.
This passage doesn’t quite equate sex with satanism. But it gets pretty close.
In 1954 a Cleveland Disc Jockey by the name of Alan Freed was searching for a name to describe a new music fad pioneered by men such as Gene Vincent, Chuck Berry, and Elvis Presley. Freed finally found a name he borrowed from the ghetto term describing premarital sex. The name was rock and roll.
I’m just glad we have guys like Jacob who can equip us with the facts – so was one seventeen year old girl, who told her teacher after one of Aranza’s rallies:
“Many people have come and given us their opinion on rock, but finally we have heard the facts.”
Rock is bad. M’kay. The Beatles claimed to be bigger than Jesus (probably statistically true if you consider Beatles album sales to the crowds Jesus preached to – though not if you consider total converts). Just when we thought we were safe – post Beatlemania – we got Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix. Who wanted to do drugs, drugs and more drugs. Drugs are bad. M’kay.
The worst, according to Jacob Aranza, was not the “son of a Mormon preacher” Alice Cooper, but KISS (Kids in Satans Service).
Rock and roll magazines call them fire breathing demons from rock and roll. Former member Peter Criss declares “I find myself evil”… Gene Simmons says “I’ve always been interested in what human flesh tasted like, and I have always wanted to be a cannibal.”
“Marvel Comics produced a special edition dedicated to KISS. Blood samples were taken from the group and smeared on the [printing] plates so they could say literally that the comic was printed in the blood of the band. Marvel editor Steve Gerber aimed the magazine directly at eight- to nine- year olds”
But don’t despair.. just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, it did…
Still the road to rock would be paved with many other groups to come. Everyone waited. What next? I was in Europe in 1978 and saw the new beginning. I was speaking in an open market place in England when, in the middle of my message, a teenager came and stood across from me. I tried not to stare. But it was difficult. His hair appeared like a long crew cut. It stuck straight up in the air, uneven and jagged in many places. I had never seen anyone with safety pins stuck in their face before, or leopard skin pants on. Maybe it was the pink, red, orange, blue and blonde hair that caught my attention.
After I finished speaking he walked over to me and said, “hey, what’s wrong with you man?” I couldn’t believe it… He was asking what was wrong with me?
This was my first encounter with what was to come, namely, punk rock. When I found out what he represented I laughed to myself and said “The kids in America will never go for this!” But they did.
The Religion of Rock and Roll
Veteran rocker Leon Russell said in an interview “I’d like to say the religion of Christianity has done more harm than any other single force I can think of in the world.” When asked what an alternative would be he suggested “the religion of rock and roll.”
Still surprised? You can see why rock has had such a devastating effect on America and the entire civilised world.”
That’s right people. Lock up your children. The religion of rock and roll is coming to get them. And for those of you who think this is just scaremongering. Think again. Here are the three things that change when somebody joins a religion (or cult) according to Aranza:
Here is what Aranza has to say about more of your favourite bands (and some you might not like)…
The Beatles
The Beatles are living legends. Their music brought with it a tidal wave of drugs, sex and the occult.
The Beatles PR guy, Derek Taylor (who might have been doing some PR at the time) convinced Aranza when he said:
“They’re completely anti-Christ. I mean, I am anti-Christ as well, but they’re so anti-Christ they shock me which isn’t an easy thing.”
Also George Harrison was a leading backer behind the movie “The Life of Brian” (which was a mockery of Christ).
The Bee Gees
A first look at the Bee Gees would leave the impression that they are quite wholesome, a look into their private lives would expose the unwholesome values that they have.
Robin Gibbs admits to a hobby or pornographic drawings and all three members of the group lace their comments with obscenities.
They also do drugs.
Eric Clapton
Eric has been given the title of the world’s greatest living guitarist. But he fell into a period of heroin addiction. He was finally treated with acupuncture for his addiction.
Alice Cooper
Vincent Furnier, a Mormon preacher’s son from Arizona received his stage name while playing with a Ouija board. The board spelled out Alice Cooper and promised him world fame if he would change his name to the name of that 17th century witch, Alice Cooper. He later claimed to be the reincarnation of that witch.
Summary of the next bit: He does bad stuff on stage.
“Albums include Billion Dollar Babies and Alice Cooper goes to Hell. All these hellish and sexual overtones that Alice uses don’t make it hard to believe that he is going to hell and taking many others there along with him.”
For those not in the know – Alice Cooper is now a “born again” Christian (and a Sarah Palin fan), one can only hope Aranza was man enough to write him an apology. Cooper said this about his faith:
“It’s really easy to focus on Alice Cooper and not on Christ. I’m a rock singer. I’m nothing more than that. I’m not a philosopher. I consider myself low on the totem pole of knowledgeable Christians. So, don’t look for answers from me.”
…and later…
“Drinking beer is easy. Trashing your hotel room is easy. But being a Christian, that’s a tough call. That’s real rebellion!”
Yeah. Rock on Alice.
Tomorrow: Why Olivia Newton John is evil.
Mikey has posted helpfully on work and rest in ministry recently (while Al posted on play, generally). Mikey’s “ministry as lifestyle” framework is pretty on the money I reckon. But someone in this picture has to think of the children (he did respond (as did his wife) in the comments on that post with some wisdom).
I like claiming to be an expert on things based on my own personal experience. I’m not claiming to be unique here, just claiming that I have a possibly relevant insight as the “son of a preacher man” – if I can’t reach you, then what hope do you have? My dad is a minister at a fairly successful church, he would also somewhat unfairly be described as a (possibly reforming) workaholic. Both he, and my mum, invested their time pretty heavily into their ministry. It’s taken quite a few years for them to appear comfortable taking holidays (and now they can’t get enough of them – they’re currently blogging their way through Europe). I am not bitter, though I can’t speak for my sibblings, in fact I’m in the process of entering the family business… So if you’re in ministry and you’re asking “how do I get my kids to grow up not hating me for making sacrifices for ministry” then this might be a post for you. I don’t want to endorse everything my folks did, nor paint them as perfect parents the nature of raising a headstrong lad like myself meant there were plenty of “interesting” moments. But here are some things they did that I think were helpful (and some things I would change).
On the whole I reckon mum and dad maintained a pretty good balance, we always had food on the table and the assurance of their love. In less lucid and more emotive moments I probably felt a bit ripped off by how much time (and other stuff) their ministry took away from me. But the more I understand point 1 the easier that is to forgive. It’s easy (as a kid) to watch how much time your parents are spending solving other people’s problems and how little they’re spending on yours. So I think it’s pretty important (as a parent) to know what’s going on for your kids and remember that they’re members of both your church and your family.
I found a new blog yesterday. Technology is a wonderful thing. Luke is another Taswegian. He mentioned one of my posts on Twitter (creating a trackback) and I found his blog, Post-Apocalyptic Theology.
It looks good. Taswegians make good blogs. There are some interesting posts there to mull over.
I like this one in which he asks:
“I wonder what are the smallest/standard units of communication in our culture and what are smallest/standard units the bible intends us to begin with, use and apply?”
In response to this post, which argues that we should never read a verse in isolation…
“I use this simple rule to help me answer the majority of Bible questions I’m asked, even when I’m totally unfamiliar with the verse. It’s an amazingly effective technique you can use, too.
I read the paragraph, not just the verse. I take stock of the relevant material above and below. Since the context frames the verse and gives it specific meaning, I let it tell me what’s going on.
This works because of a basic rule of all communication: Meaning always flows from the top down, from the larger units to the smaller units, not the other way around. The key to the meaning of any verse comes from the paragraph, not just from the individual words.
I posted this response to his question…
I reckon individual words are the base both culturally and theologically. But only because there are certain “heavy” words that are capable of carrying huge amounts of meaning. One word can summarise a thousand words… like calling God “father”.
Plus I’m on his blogroll – so that’s cool. Am I on yours without knowing it? Tell me people. Affirm me…
You may have already seen this – but I thought it relevant as we’re currently discussing why you shouldn’t listen to rock’n’roll. If you want to provide something more wholesome you should follow this advice – how to write an awful worship song…
One of my favourites:
Be Vague About Your TheologyMake sure to avoid any theology at all costs. Don’t talk about atonement, wrath, or any other biblical concepts. You want your song to be all about feeling. Don’t let the mind get in the way. Repeat after me: “Worship is a warm feeling, sort of like heartburn, only better.”