It’s the hard-knock life for us! – Did I mention that I’m spending the next 5 days on the tropical islands Magnetic and Dunk…
It’s the hard-knock life for us! – all expenses paid, during work hours (or over the weekend which I’ll get to take work days off as replacements…)
Cotton blankets, ‘Steada of wool! – well probably satin actually.
Empty Bellies ‘Steada of full! – Well I’ll probably be quite full.
It’s the hard-knock life!
So yeah I won’t be blogging for a couple of days.
Vegetarians have struck a blow for good taste and Mars have backed down from a controversial decision to revisit a traditional method of chocolate making which involved the use of animal products in their chocolate bars – the anti-animal crackers* have stormed the offices of Mars Inc demanding they cease and desist – 6000 complaint calls were made from the UK’s estimated population of 3 million vegetarians and vegans. Methinks Mars would have saved themselves the trouble if they’d included a “May contain traces of cow” warning on their label and listed the ingredient rennet as “cow stomach” right from the beginning.
The powerfully stupid lobby group known as the general populace (also known as the audience of Today Tonight and A Current Affair) have struck a few blows lately with the Howard Government introducing a fairness test to placate those voters who are worried that the new IR laws will lead to a decrease in working conditions for ordinary Australians. Does anybody actually know anyone who has been personally disadvantaged by the IR laws? There’s plenty to suggest that employment has gone up since their introduction – and only anecdotal and occasional news stories about the abuse of the new IR freedoms. Labor and the unions have been peddling their idealistic opposition to the IR platform like a deviant drug dealer dishing out dime bags of dope to school children – repeating the mantra “a bridge to far” like a group of monks hell bent on hypnotising the electorate.
Crikey contained a very interesting opinion piece on politics today which made some good points about the way the government seem to be unable to get their fairly compelling message (a good track record of managing the economy) across to the electorate. I guess their handling of the “emotional” issues like climate change, David Hicks, the war on Iraq and other hot topics (a little climate change joke there…) has overshadowed any other achievements they may like to hang their hats on. I’m still not convinced that wall to wall Labor governments is in our best interests. One look at water, health, infrastructure and education – areas the State Government is meant to look after suggests Labor aren’t doing their job at a state level – and they’re all the one party people… Maybe I just don’t like Rudd – and maybe it’s because everyone else seems to (a little like my disdain for U2) and maybe it’s because the Prime Minister called me an “enterprising Townsvillian” when I met him last week, but I don’t like the idea of the polls translating to actual success on election day.
Anyway, one last thing for all you conspiracy theorists out there – the Townsville Bulletin ran a small ad on page 3 today which has uncovered what I believe is a very scary possibility – the existance of a Secret Government Agency (SGA) dedicated to creating an army of psycho psychics who have no qualms about murder and other unconscionable crimes. Brian Pedder was a human lab rat who was regularly abducted by this SGA – for some reason he now remembers the atrocities he committed while under their power. It’s compelling reading, but a little scary that this guy paid for advertising space in a regional newspaper seeking anyone who he may or may not have committed crimes against in the past. I can only wonder if it’s not some sort of viral marketing campaign for these web designers. But I think he thinks he’s for real…
* At the very least they don’t like animal crackers in their soup…
I have a disability – I don’t know if you know this, and I don’t really tell many people (except now I’m potentially telling the world) – but I am one of the 5% of males worldwide who suffers from colour blindness. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I don’t really notice. I don’t really notice lots of things actually – red flowers on green trees, the difference between traffic light colours (that one’s a joke, I can tell the difference between extremes at each end of the red and green spectrums). Colour blindness is a profound philosophical issue – do we all see the world the same way? How would you describe a colour to a completely sight impared person? Colour can be a pretty abstract concept – particularly if you’re unable to make the distinction between two binarily opposed colours (red and green for example). I can never truly be sure if an outfit is colour coordinated, or what ball I’m actually aiming for in pool, or which wire to cut in a dramatic scene involving a ticking time bomb. It’s ruled me out of careers in the military, the electronics industry and the design industry. And now I can comprehensively show you why. This is a purpose built picture I put together in photoshop – featuring tones from the red and green spectrums – I see simply green… I know there are two colours there because I made the picture using a colour palette function. I can work out the distinction between the colours if I stare at them for long enough.
Now, thanks to the miracle of the internet – you can understand how I see the world with this colour blindness simulator.
It doesn’t quite do it justice – I see more a blurring of the circle with the background and if I really focus on it I get a headache. But this Ishihara diagram will probably help you to see the difference in what I see… unless you’re Joel.
You’re supposed to see a 6 – and I now believe it’s there because I played with the saturation and hue settings in photoshop and I could see it. If I look really hard at the unedited image I can now see where the six is, but I’d have no chance if I hadn’t cheated.
The avid reader will notice that this post has been edited – this occured after I met John Howard and shook his hand – there will be more on that in a later blog.
Despite suffering flu like symptoms I managed to have the perfect day of dining yesterday – it’s days like it that make me really appreciate my job.
Starting with breakfast at Betty Blue and the Lemon Tart – one of Townsville’s dining gems and a frequent haunt for Robyn and I for their all day Sunday breakfast. I had Sunday Mail journo Alison Cotes up this week checking out Magnetic Island and Hidden Valley Cabins and this was her last meal in Townsville before returning to Brisbane. Breakfast was Mini fried donuts with white fudge, turkish delight and ice cream followed by bacon and eggs on doorstop toast – that donut dish is a combination of all my favourite sweet foods.
After that breakfast I’d planned not to have lunch because I had a dinner engagement on Magnetic Island with another media group – but a meeting at work had ordered excess catering and a platter of soft cheeses, fruit, biscuits and sandwhiches was left in the staff room – I’m not one to turn down free cheese.
Dinner was three of my favourite dishes of all time – Caesar Salad, followed by a medium rare sirloin steak, followed by creme caramel.
What a day. What a job. And to top it off I’m at home having a sick day today so I can engage in my other favourite activity – sleep and hopefully overcome this flu.
Following a two week hiatus you’d expect there’d be a bunch of interesting stories for me to tell you. This would be an incorrect assumption. Sure, I went to a couple of weddings and saw Gomez live (they were amazing). I visited exciting places like Toowoomba, the Gold Coast and Mount Tambourine. I spent hours in a hospital car park waiting to pick up the groom from one of the aforementioned weddings following emergency eye surgery two days before he was due to marry Robyn’s sister Justina. I picked new towels, sheets and bed linen as part of preparation for my own married life (and wasn’t that fun). I learned all about weddings – for instance – I learned that the colour of an invitation should indicate what colour to wear, or not to wear to a wedding (the colour of the invite should match the bridesmaid’s dresses and also indicate the general theming of the wedding). I tried, without success thus far, to find somewhere to hold an “intimate” wedding reception following a larger inclusive ceremony and afternoon tea, and negotiated the nightmare of family politics surrounding weddings (I can now empathise with the captain of the Titanic who was no doubt doing his best to miss a bunch of minor icebergs when he ran into the big one that scuppered the ship). Plus there were a series of traumatic events in the news cycle while I was away that I felt compelled to blog about – however I couldn’t actually be bothered to respond to those compulsions. So will now mention them in passing – Andrew Johns retired as the best half back I’ve ever seen (given that my league watching career spanned exactly the length of his career that’s not too surprising). Anyone who tries to compare the incomparable skills of Mr Johns with Alfie Langer, Ricky Stuart or any other number seven who played in that period has rocks in their heads (even Geoff Toovey wasn’t as good – he sadly had no kicking game). Incidentally, Manly are still undefeated and sit atop the ladder, Manchester United won 7-1 against Roma in the Champions League and made the FA Cup final in the same week while still leading the Premier League by 3 points with only a few rounds to go (including one against Chelsea – which barring a diabolical turn of events and dramatic chance in goal difference it probably won’t matter if they lose they should still take the title) – so all in all it’s good to be me right now
The ANZAC day media fiasco played itself out in the media – but I’d like to point out that Vietnam is in fact no Gallipoli – and April 25 has very little to do with the Vietnam conflict. Why wasn’t the fuss made about that? I’m glad the real issue – Rudd’s Channel 7 favouritism was brought to the fore and promptly dealt with. A school shooting in the US made further mockery of the right to bear/bare arms (why anyone would want paws or hair free arms is beyond me). The idea that the American populace to be able to take part in a citizen’s militia to repel invaders has been a little diluted to the point where students can open fire on their peers. Gun reform is an easy campaign issue for the Democrats now so we’ll see what Joe’s blog has to say on that issue in the near future. Speaking of blogs philnsmiz has finally been updated – and should be again shortly, while Scooter’s blog still languishes back on the first of January where it promised so much but has since delivered so little. Tim’s has been also been updated.
So all in all, I am in need of a holiday. And I’m back at work today.
With Miss Carol Miller refusing to answer my emails and RSVP’s RSVP to my offer still pending – I’ve had to look elsewhere for kicks… and so, I give you “The Great Debate” a longstanding and popular water cooler conversation in the hallowed halls of Townsville Enterprise. Who would win in an inter-species battle of the death between a crocodile and a tiger shark. In search of an authoritative answer I contacted one of the world’s leading croc experts.
Dear Doctor Britton,
As a world leader in estuarine crocodile research
I’m hoping you’ll be able to shed some light on a long standing discussion
occuring within my circle of friends. We are debating the superioriy – or
ascendancy of the Estuarine Crocodile and the Tiger Shark. If these two natural
born killing machines were to engage in mortal combat which animal do you
believe would survive?Assuming the animals in question were roughly the
same length – equal weight would involve a marked difference in size – and in a
location where both are found with some regularity – Townsville’s Cleveland Bay
for example, which creature do you think would come out on top in this clash of
the titans and why?I thank you in advance for taking the time to answer
this query and reassure you that in no circumstances will I be seeking to
replicate, or actually create a set of circumstances whereby these animals duke
it out. Although suitable circumstances could possibly be created in an aquarium
facility with food being witheld from each animal to the point of desparate
hunger, I do not believe in playing God when it comes to the fate of such
magnificent animals. Still, it is an interesting question and one that no doubt
someone of your stature within the zoological community should be able to
expertly shed some light on…Nathan Campbell
He replied…
Nathan,
These questions are always a bit hard to answer because, really, it all
depends on circumstances. A baby krait is quite capable of killing a
tigerif it happens to get a lucky bite in, but clearly a tiger is by far
thestronger and more likely winner of a contest between the two.Crocs and sharks
are two species that hunt in quite different manners, andso pitting one against
the other is difficult in terms of making the contestfair. There’s no
doubt that sharks are a lot more manoeuvrable in water,and if you put a croc and
a shark in the open ocean together my money wouldbe on the shark every time.
But crocs hunt by ambush and stealth, and ifyou put a shark into a muddy
river with a stealthy croc which got the firstbite and roll in then my money is
on the croc. In a limited spaceespecially the croc definitely has the
upper hand.So if you can imagine a balanced scenario where neither species would
be atany great advantage over the other then let me know, because otherwise
Idon’t think there’s a “right” answer to this question really.
I’vecertainly heard reports of tiger sharks killing crocs along the coast,
butI’ve also heard reports of crocs with bits of shark in their stomach, soeven
based on direct evidence it’s hard to pick a winner.I really think you’d be
better off tossing a coin because there are so manyvariables involved, but if I
had to put money on it I’d probably put it onthe shark if the contest was in
open water, and on the croc if the contestwas in a muddy tidal creek.
Best wishes,
Adam
–Dr Adam Britton, Crocodilian Specialist Senior Partner, Big
Geckohttp://crocodilian.com PO Box
925, Sanderson, NT 0813, Australia
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Fg8RLzJRoY]
If I had written the HTML programming language it would have included a “rant” tagline.
Robyn won’t like this post. For all her great qualities she is, somewhat unfortunately, a fan of Rugby Union. Many fans of Rugby Union will tell you that it is the game they play in heaven – and if that’s the case I’d seriously think about trading in Christianity for Buddhism (ok, well I wouldn’t really do that it was more a piece of poetic license). They’ll argue that “at its best” it’s a flowing game full of skilled attacking forays and deft passing, and that it’s driven by tactics and nuance… Rugby, in my experience, is played “at its best” about once every four years, in the early rounds of the world cup when professional teams put the minnows to the sword. Rugby is typically a slow game marred by stoppages, incessant scrums, tiresome rucking and mauling, and ridiculous nonsensical penalties. My main gripe with Rugby stems not from the superiority complex it suffers from, my problem is their inability to develop talent capable of playing at the highest level. Rugby fans will cite the crowds at Super 14 games and test matches as evidence that it’s a popular game – television ratings tell another story. Rugby is unwatchable for the layperson and numbers don’t lie – Rugby League continues to be the most successful televised sport in New South Wales and Queensland. Club rugby can not hope to compete with club League – so they try to compare apples and oranges by taking a representative competition (Super 14) and comparing it with a national club competition – of course a NSW team should pack out a stadium… but they should also be able to win the odd game or two. Rugby Union likes to sign league players as PR stunts. These players will inevitably be picked for state teams at the expense of properly trained junior rugby union stars – and will possibly be contractually guaranteed the opportunity to play for Australia. The list of League to Union converts is a long one, the list of success stories is markedly shorter. From a list including talented athletes Mat Rogers, Lote Tuquiri, Wendell Sailor, Brad Thorn, Andrew Walker, Clinton Shifcofske – only Tuqiri is still playing international rugby – and this isn’t due to a lack of quality on the field. Rogers, Thorn and Walker got sick of union and went back to league – Walker and Sailor were both busted for cocaine use. Shifcofske should never ever play for Australia (he was once a drug cheat too – which suggests Union isn’t picky when it comes to their desperation to get one up on their league counterparts). Tuquiri recently re-signed with the Waratahs in a massive deal, and they followed that signing with a million dollar deal to lure Timana Tahu across the chasm. League players (particularly backs) get notoriously bored in the 15 man code so they have to pay them heaps more to keep them. Paying league players this much to cross over is a foolish ploy to win a battle that rugby can not afford to be engaged in, and one that they’ll never win. Their game is too inaccessible to people not brought up on a staple diet of union. Those in the know (ie economist Michael Pascoe) suggest the ARU is in danger of sending itself broke, particularly with gate receipts plummeting as Australian teams fail and falter on the field. Eric Grothe Jr, son of the “Guru” has had an interestingly patchy league career including years in the “wilderness” spent “discovering” himself and playing guitar. He’s big and mobile and he’s a gifted athlete – but the ARU has decided enough is enough and they’re going to invest their money in development – hopefuly that comes too late and union dies the slow and painful death it deserves.
STA travel has jumped on the climate change bandwagon with the sale of carbon neutralised round the world travel packages. For just $260 you can travel the world guilt free with the knowledge that you’re doing your bit for the environment by cancelling out your portion of carbon emissions from the trip.
Carbon neutralisation is all the rage, my high school science education taught me that photosynthesis is the process by which trees turn carbon dioxide into oxygen. Planting trees strikes me as an environmentally and scientifically sound method of making activities carbon neutral. I can’t help but think that this is all a bit of a rort designed to prey on the environmentally gullible. I will not be carbon neutralising my flights any time soon, I may invest in a pot plant or two to do my bit for the environment. Carbon trading is an interesting economic concept – and the idea that heavy industry will be able to buy other business’s carbon points to cover their excess emitions strikes me as more than a little odd, why not try to cut down emissions? Anyway, as I’ve indicated, I’m no scientist, nor am I an economist, I am however a PR machine and an ideas man… and so I give you the latest of my get rich quick schemes which is almost guaranteed to succeed while preying on the gullible…
The only thing I can think of that’s as popular currently as carbon trading schemes is internet dating. A number of my colleagues are registered with various internet dating sites including RSVP.com.au and similar online hook-up joints. It strikes me that this is a further opportunity for de-carbonisation – another would be removing the carbon from carbonated soft drinks… I give you Carbon Dating – in fact, I gave it to RSVP.com.au via their “Suggestions and Feedback” form with the following email, I will let you know if I get a response:
Hello friends at RSVP,
I’m not currently looking for a date, nor have I used internet dating services in the past. I know people who have and congratulate you on providing such an essential service.
In this age of environmental responsibility and carbon trading I would like to make a suggestion which may allow you to tap into a new niche market of clients – Carbon Dating. I would suggest that you offer in your membership packages, the chance for new and existing members to carbon neutralise their dates – maybe suggest tree planting or light bulb installing as great first date options… the possibilities are endless. Not only would this be a terrific PR activity (I believe it would be a world first), but it would also be a chance to demonstrate your commitment to tackling climate change.
I have several ideas for how this could be implemented further and would be more than happy to come on board as a consultant. I will be keeping records of this correspondence to demonstrate intellectual property ownership and look forward to discussing this with you in the future. I believe this could be the greatest single step towards responsible dating since the introduction of contraception.
I can be contacted initially by email at the above address and look forward to your return correspondence.
Thank you for your time.
I know I said at the end of my last post that I’d be posting my forecasts for the year to come in “tomorrow’s” post. Clearly I was referring to tomorrow as an abstract concept… It won’t be in today’s post either – I’m about to go to bed ahead of a very early morning trip to Cairns to drive some Japanese tourism VIPS to Townsville.
As I was making sure I had my head around directions and stuff once I get to Cairns and pick up my hire car I stopped in to check my email only to discover that the site You Have Bad Taste In Music has a new video up where the host with the curiously reversable name “Eman Laerton” has confronted John Mayer fans with a game of teakettle – a truly wonderful celebration of the homophone. Here’s a Youtube example of his previous work…
After a previous post Eman Laerton promised to launch stage 2 of his master plan to capitalise on the emergence of convergence – the use of the internet as a source of media content – the John Mayer effort contains a sneak peak of stage 2 – Church Across America – and while I’m not prepared to endorse the content (because I haven’t seen it yet), it may be worth a look when it goes live.
I also caught a particularly funny television show – Balls of Steel – on the Comedy Channel the other day… The Annoying Devil has to be the funniest character on television… there’s a slight language warning on this one, and my favourite bit is about 4 minutes in…
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmJhK3pu_1Y]
Today is the first anniversary of my first post and obviously it has been a particularly interesting year for me. Today marks a year since my second last day in Brisbane – so as of tomorrow I’ll have been a Townsville resident for a whole year. As this is a celebratory post of some kind I’ll use it to reflect on my year and give general feedback on all the goings on… kind of like a report card. I’ll compare my expectations with the delivery – this all feels like some sort of psyhcometric analysis or something. I read a story lately about a business lecturer who is worried about the corporate trend to incorporate such testing in their recruitment strategies. He gives his students a psych test and then hands them a printed results page which 95% of students agree identifies key personality traits – then he tells them they’ve all got the same photocopied sheet.
Reflections and Forecasts
At the end of the year I put out a series of media releases for each division of our business with reflections and forecasts – basically a list of our successes from the previous year and a prediction of future successes – I haven’t gone back to see how our reflections matched my predecessor’s forecasts but I’ll do that with my forecasts from last year’s post:
“So here you have my thoughts on my impending departure: I am simultaneously
excited and nervous (I’m not sure what the adjectival form of the word
trepidation is but I would have used it there, maybe trepidated?)”
I’d say that while I was a little nervous about my relocation last year posts from the last couple of weeks probably suggest that I’m fairly settled up here. And I am. While I do miss friends, family, chuch, outdoor soccer and I’m sure there are other things – they have mostly been more than adequately replaced with new friends, indoor soccer (we’re back to back A-Grade mixed champions), work, and Robyn. Who is the obvious success story of my year.
“I’m really looking forward to starting my new job with Townsville Enterprise, who you can find here.”
Boy was I right on this count. I really enjoy my job. Townsville Enterprise is a diverse organisation representing a diverse region. Townsville is a great city – I may be paid to say that, and I am a bit of a mercenary when it comes to my loyalty in these matters – but it’s easy to sell and I truly enjoy the stuff I get to do for work (helicopter flights, sailing trips, island holidays and lots and lots of food).
“I’m looking forward to meeting new people. I just didn’t think it would be
that hard to say goodbye to old people but on the upside it’s not like I’m dying
and there’s always me in blog form if you miss me too much.”
I have met new and fun people through church, work and various networks of people. And I certainly do exist in blog form. In a year I’ve managed 149 posts – that’s one every 2.4 days and more than 82,000 words filled with ranting, ruminations, stupid theories and updates on my life. That’s about the equivalent of 2 Mills and Boons novels and probably every bit as valuable.
Here’s a bit of gratuitous bragging in list form to summarise the “year that’s been”…
1. Relocated 1465km (by road – but I flew) to Townsville
2. Met Robyn, convinced Robyn I was a nice guy, proposed to Robyn, became engaged to Robyn
3. Generated $35 million of positive media coverage for Townsville – my original target was $20 million.
4. Had a full page story printed in the Financial Review with a byline
5. Broke a story that made the front page of the Courier Mail, scored 5 minutes coverage on Hamish and Andy and went international… about “cat poo” coffee.
6. Consumed an estimated 30 steaks “on the job”
7. Won back-to-back Mixed A-Grade indoor soccer titles
8. Went deep sea fishing on the Great Barrier Reef, flying in a helicopter, sailing on a schooner, holidaying on the island the XXXX ads are screened on, ate crocodile and other fancy things at a $200 gala dinner, stared down a Japanese tourist suffering dope fuelled psychosis and drank a $50 cat poo coffee – all in the name of “work”
9. Set up Donna and Aaron (I’m actually very proud of that).
10. Kept a pet fish alive for a whole year (almost – actually I inherited the fish from Cam Bell, we killed two crayfish – indirectly – the fish actually is mostly responsible for the demise of the second cray) in a tank bought at a garage sale on an early Townsville adventure – along with the Bob Hawke head drink dispenser which now sits proudly on my desk at home. I also killed an echidna…
Forecasts will follow in tomorrow’s post.
Some would say that speaking without thinking is fraught with danger – not so, says I. Footy tipping on instinct is a sure fire way to the top of the office tipping charts – but which instincts do we trust – and where do we turn a blind eye?
In my day to day conversations with people from all walks of life – be it the traditional office “water cooler” conversation, or random eavesdropping via discretely planted listening devices I’ve discovered a shared concern regarding footy tipping protocol and how to “back a winner” – While I have a proven track record as a failed tipper – more inclined to tip with heart than head, I am a trained observer and have kept records of a number of successful oddball methods guaranteed to spice up your weekly efforts.
The Inter-Mascot Blood Bath
Method One is the much maligned but highly successful strategy of imagining each match as a death match between mascots. This approach has anecdotal supporting evidence (some would say circumstantial) when it comes to the plight of the aptly inept South Sydney Rabbitohs. (A bunny of course is unlikely to experience success against anything but the most out of comfort opponent, unfortunately the Canberra Carrots missed out to the much more intimidating Raiders.
What must be considered at this point is the “home field” advantage – a Shark (Cronulla) does not enjoy the biological advantage over a tiger (West Tigers) on land that it would in an aquatic setting, while in reversed circumstances the tables turn somewhat – this is a vital consideration when entering your tips. The Storm obviously have a natural advantage over all but the Titans (who enjoy some godlike control over the elements) – however some storms are less serious and deadly than others and certain teams enjoy natural protection (the Eels, Sharks and potentially the Knights – provided their armour is stainless steel – a must for modern chivalry. The electrical conductivity of stainless steel is an issue which would require a more scientific mind). Under this methodology “human” teams (Knights, Raiders, Cowboys, Warriors, Titans) have an advantage over most other teams at home – however will probably struggle when it comes to those who can attack unseen in their home territory (Dragons, Eels, Sharks, Panthers, Bulldogs, Tigers… potentially the Broncos – although stampedes are rare and rodeo related casualties are rarities these days). The Sea Eagles can attack from the air with sharp talons and beady eyed eagerness, but even the humble Bulldog could cause them great pain in confined spaces. The Rabbitohs and Roosters will be lucky to win a game – but that’s probably a fair reflection of reality.
So for Round 1:
The Storm should blow the Tigers away
The Broncos will buck the Cowboys in a bruiser
The Warriors will harpoon the Eels
The Sharks will snap the Panthers
The Sea Eagles will peck the eyes out of the Raiders
The Knights will cut the Bulldogs to pieces
The Dragons will roast the Titans
The Roosters and Rabbitohs will haplessly wander around until either the bunny develops Monty Pythonesque properties or the Roosters get their talons in…
Until next time – happy tipping.
During a recent trip south I discovered that my family no longer take the time to visit my blog because I don’t talk enough about myself. I’m trying to rectify this situation so this post will be all about life in Townsville.
I’ve now been engaged for a week – with a preliminary wedding date set for September, I calculate I have about 27.5 weeks left of being engaged so I plan to enjoy it while it lasts – I plan to only ever be engaged once so it’s a very small window to enjoy such a unique position. The announcement of my engagement hasn’t been well received in all circles – a seven year old student from Robyn’s school is so distraught at her engagement that he’s threatened to kill me – it turns out he was planning to marry her in quite a few years. If it comes down to a mono-a-mono knife fight or something I’m pretty confident I can take him so I’m not overly worried. Robyn tells me he’s a James Bond fan so he may know all sorts of spy moves – so I’m alert but not alarmed.
As a writer with an underlying perfectionist streak I know the frustration of sending documents with embarrasing typos – I occasionally notice incoherent syntax or poor grammar in my press releases after I send them, so it was with great pleasure that I received the following email the other day, followed by a recall attempt that came a little bit too late…
“Lyn also advises that we will only run a market with there is a potential
600-700 passengers. Apologies for the incontinence. I have forwarded
the information to CBD Promotions so they can let the traders
know.”
I thought that was very funny and it’s been a while since I included any toilet humour in my blog.
It’s also been a while since I posted any music reviews so I just want to give a plug for two CD’s I bought recently – Josh Pyke’s “Memories and Dust” is spectacular lyric driven harmonious guitar pop – it’s the first almost perfect album I’ve bought since Muse’s Absolution. I also picked up The Shins “Wincing the Night Away” which is another great album and well worth a listen. They are both heartilly endorsed by this writer.
I’ve just set up the Townsville Enterprise footy tipping comp for this year’s NRL competition – I’m looking forward to teaching my co-workers a thing or two about the might of the Manly Warringah Sea Eagles who I expect to do very well this season. There will be much gloating if I manage to reach the upper echelons amongst a group of die hard Cowboys supporters and apathetic pundits. I will be providing a weekly “expert” form guide to my colleagues which may even become a regular feature on this ‘ere blog.
No Comment
As an experienced PR person (I feel one year on the job and a 5 year degree makes me an “expert”) there’s one piece of wisdom I’d like to pass on to anyone out there who has anything to do with the media. NEVER*, NEVER**, ever say “no comment.” It’s poor media management, it takes away an opportunity to express your point of view in the public sphere and it just makes you look guilty. Don’t do it. Ever. Someone should pass this advice on to Sylvester Stallone and his management company. He copped a hiding in the media after he was busted trying to import 48 vials of illegal “stay young and fit” growth hormones on a promotional visit to Australia – eager to avoid uncomfortable questions in the future the Stallone camp has banned Australian journalists from attending his press conferences. The ultimate “no comment” – as a result every major Australian newspaper ran a story about his poor sportsmanship and recalcitrance. The rules for dealing with the media are (for those of you planning on ever being in front of a camera, or talking to a journalist).
1. Figure out your key message and stick to is – say nothing else if need be, all the reporter is looking for is a quote to write a story around – if you only say one thing that’s the only thing they’ll quote.
2. Never say no comment – if you don’t want to comment come up with a standard line explaining you won’t comment at this point as you’re waiting for more information – by the time that information comes the story should be well and truly out of the news cycle.
3. Don’t lie to the journalist.
4. Don’t try to unsay something you’ve said – that puts a big flashing neon sign over the statement – corrections are ok, flat out denials not so good.
5. Don’t get angry with what’s said. K-Rudd apparently needs to learn this one – what’s printed is printed, you can’t unprint something. Nor should you try to put pressure on a journalist – that breeds contempt and that’s bad. K-Rudd is looking into his media management strategy.
6. Don’t crack wise with journalists – if you say something that can potentially be taken out of context it probably will be. Only say what you want to be quoted.
Funnily enough, I started writing this entry yesterday just before I had to say “no comment” to a journalist – although he was a uni student trying to break a story we didn’t want broken so I’m not overly concerned about the far reaching implications of that – and I didn’t “no comment” him – I just didn’t return his calls.
*capitalised to indicate importance.
**repeated to indicate importance.
May 4, 2007