Sermonising

I’m writing my sermon for Sunday in Google Docs. It’s on 1 John 1:1-4.

Here’s the Google Docs analysis of what I’ve written so far:

Counts Selection Document
Words: 3815
Characters (no spaces): 16912
Characters (with spaces): 20720
Paragraphs: 82
Sentences: 524
Pages (approximate): 5
Readability Selection Document
Average sentences per paragraph: 6.39
Average words per sentence: 7.28
Average characters per word: 4.43
Average words per page: 763.00
Flesch Reading Ease: [?] 84.78
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: [?] 3.00
Automated Readability Index: [?] 3.00

That’s the formula (from this test) that gives a readability level of 3. I guess that’s good. It’s probably not helped by the number of sentences. I write punchy sentences for sermons. I also speak naturally at about 160 words a minute (that’s the broadcast standard for journalism) – but should slow that down. At that pace this sermon should go for about 23 minutes.

Here are the stats on the passage itself:

Counts Selection Document
Words: 103
Characters (no spaces): 433
Characters (with spaces): 535
Paragraphs: 1
Sentences: 5
Pages (approximate): 2
Readability Selection Document
Average sentences per paragraph: 5.00
Average words per sentence: 20.60
Average characters per word: 4.20
Average words per page: 51.50
Flesch Reading Ease: [?] 78.33
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: [?] 7.00
Automated Readability Index: [?] 9.00

I think it’s a good thing that my sermon is more simple than the passage right? Shouldn’t an explanation be easier to understand than the thing you’re explaining? Otherwise it would be pointless.

Out of interest I pulled one of dad’s sermons off the MPC website and ran a comparison.

Counts Selection Document
Words: 3032
Characters (no spaces): 12835
Characters (with spaces): 15893
Paragraphs: 58
Sentences: 276
Pages (approximate): 4
Readability Selection Document
Average sentences per paragraph: 4.76
Average words per sentence: 10.99
Average characters per word: 4.23
Average words per page: 758.00
Flesch Reading Ease: [?] 82.04
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: [?] 5.00
Automated Readability Index: [?] 4.00

The best bits – February 19, 2009

Here's what has excited me from the blogosphere today.

Band names

I read something somewhere about band names today. It reminded me that I need to record the following for posterity’s sake.

If I were in a band – and that’s a big if because it would require musical talent – I would call my band Panache Attack. I am putting that here, now, to claim it.

If I were in a punk band – not such a big if because it doesn’t require musical talent – I would call it Disorderly Fashion, and we’d all wear the same suits on stage. 

If you had a band what would you call it?

Benaud steps down

Sad. But now I guess we’ll see how accurate the 12th Man’s portrayal of the handover process was.

I’ll never be able to think of Benaud as anything but a constipated turtle thanks to someone who made that comment in my youth, but cricket won’t be the same without him.

Oh well, as long as Bill Lawry doesn’t get more air time out of this I’ll be ok.

Dog was I, ere I saw God

That title is pretty much the best palindrome I could come up with after racking my brain for about 5 minutes. 

I didn’t think I’d be able to post something cleverer than the ambigram shirt for some time. I was wrong. How about a 224 word palindrome? Still not impressed? How bout a 224 word palindromic poem?

Don’t believe me? Here it is:

“Dammit I’m mad.
By Demetri Martin 

Evil is a deed as I live.
God, am I reviled? I rise, my bed on a sun, I melt.
To be not one man emanating is sad. I piss.
Alas, it is so late. Who stops to help?
Man, it is hot. I’m in it. I tell.
I am not a devil. I level “Mad Dog”.
Ah, say burning is, as a deified gulp, 
In my halo of a mired rum tin.
I erase many men. Oh, to be man, a sin.
Is evil in a clam? In a trap?
No. It is open. On it I was stuck.
Rats peed on hope. Elsewhere dips a web.
Be still if I fill its ebb.
Ew, a spider… eh?
We sleep. Oh no!
Deep, stark cuts saw it in one position.
Part animal, can I live? Sin is a name.
Both, one… my names are in it.
Murder? I’m a fool.
A hymn I plug, deified as a sign in ruby ash,
A Goddam level I lived at.
On mail let it in. I’m it.
Oh, sit in ample hot spots. Oh wet!
A loss it is alas (sip). I’d assign it a name.
Name not one bottle minus an ode by me:
“Sir, I deliver. I’m a dog”
Evil is a deed as I live.
Dammit I’m mad.”

EDIT: Thanks Joel for picking up my palindromic error in the title, all is now fixed.

Shirt of the Day: A prince of a shirt

Ok, so I already posted a shirt today. But this one’s cool. It’s got a segway. Being driven by Prince. And it’s $23. I guess for Prince – who according to John Safran’s Music Jamboree is a Jehovah’s Witness – this would make witnessing easy, you could slip your tracts into a nice custom built front pocket or something.

For the guy who has everything

I really have nothing more to say. Except that it’s from here. And I saw it first here. And they’re 9.95 Euros. I think for one. But I’m not sure. The sale page is in German and I haven’t translated it.

Instant gratification

Those of you who don’t read the links in my daily links post may have missed my sneering references to Starbucks and its decision to start selling instant coffee. $1 a pop. In store. Coming soon.

This is a terrible mistake. Instant coffee – no matter how good the science behind it – is still dehydrated coffee being rehydrated. It’s got none of the elements of a good cup. Wikipedia has a breakdown of the process.

People in America can now get free samples via the Starbucks website. Yay for them.

I can’t understand why people drink instant coffee – other than that it’s instant if you’ve already got boiling water.

Here’s some startling US facts about instant from the Consumerist:

“The instant coffee market is bigger than you might think — accounting for 40% of the global coffee market. It’s less popular in the US than overseas, taking up only 9% of the US coffee market as opposed to 60% in Japan, South Korea, Russia and the United Kingdom.”

Starbucks is cutting stores and staff all over the world. And this is their solution. Budget, low quality coffee for those feeling the economic pinch. The launch has received coverage from the Times Online.

“Starbucks said last month that it would cut 6,700 of its 167,000 staff and shut about 1,000 under-performing outlets, as its after-tax profits for the three months to the end of December fell 69 per cent.”

Here are some more instant instant coffee facts… and a nice little quote about why this has “bad idea” written all over it.

“In the US, instant coffee is synonymous with cheap and tasteless. The global instant coffee market is worth $17.7 billion, just $700 million of which is sold in America. Instead, Americas drink brewed, or filter, coffee – 65 billion cups of it a year.”

“Starbucks, best known as the home of the $4 latte, is gambling its luxury brand by entering the instant coffee market. As John Quelch, a Harvard Business School professor, said: “Instant, soluble coffee has long been an unspeakable wasteland. Conventional wisdom would be that no premium brand should go near it.”

Update: From a second Times Online story.

“Starbucks reckons that 80 per cent of UK households have instant coffee, an £800 million market. Darcy Willson-Rymer, its UK manager, said that its new coffee would sit at the “premium, even super-premium” end … “We’re competing with instant coffee, but we’re comparing it to ground coffee.”

Shirt of the Day: Clever? Stupid

Ambigrams are cool. Palingrams (which is I think the correct description of a palindromic ambigram) are cooler. The company we use for our internet hosting and Content Management at work has a palingram for a logo. I saw it at a conference I went to but haven’t found it online or I’d include it here.

Anyway, Ambigrams are cool. Shirts derived from popular novelty shirt concepts with mirror image antonymic ambigrams are cooler. Like this one. From neatorama. It’s clever. Or stupid. Depending on your perspective. It’s also cheap at $US10.

Work Experience

There’s a guy looking for work in Canada. Here’s a summary of his listed qualifications

* Owned and operated successful multi-vessel fishing business, with one airplane
* Owned an island and processing facility
* Simultaneously owned a fleet of tractor trailer trucks conducting business in the west
* Executive level management of 120 employees worldwide
* Ran a business with an annual turnover of $100 million
* Expert in all levels of security

Would you hire him? need more details? His business was a global pot smuggling network – he’s just out of a 10 year stint in prison.

A work wanted ad printed in Canada. This guy just came out of a ten year stint in prison for smuggling 75 tonnes of dope. That’s more than Schapelle Corby. Found here.

Forced sale

Judging by the title you thought I was going to plug my Luke Skywalker auction. Didn’t you. Admit it. Well I’m not. Except that I just did. At the very least there are some new Q&As to check out…

No, what I’m here to tell you today, is much more exciting. Michael Jackson is auctioning off all his stuff from Neverland. The Guardian website has photos of the good stuff. Including this custom built Gaggia coffee machine.

If that doesn’t grab your attention how bout these rhinestone encrusted socks?

No? Picky. How about this nice little train engine teapot. The going rate is expected to be somewhere in the $100 – $200 range. This is like an online garage sale.

It’s all Greek to me

Robyn and I are taking on a few “extra curricular” activities this year. We’ve stepped back from leading Adventure Club – the Friday night kid’s club we ran with a great team last year, and our church activities are largely focused on preparation for bible college at some stage in the not too distant future.

We’re using this year to get a competitive advantage on people we’re studying with. That’s what bible college is all about…

On top of the regular preaching gig at church that I think I already mentioned (I’m preaching this Sunday morning) we’re also trying to learn some New Testament Greek – also known as Koine Greek – and we’re looking at one of the Presbyterian Church’s fundamental doctrinal statements (what the Presbyterian Church believes) – the Westminster Confession of Faith (that’s a link to the Confession of Faith itself). Last night was our first bite of the Westminster Confession cherry.

Here’s a snippet from the Wikipedia entry on the Westminster Confession of Faith

“The Church of Scotland had recently overthrown its bishops and adopted presbyterianism (see Bishops’ Wars). For this reason, as a condition for entering into the alliance with England, the Scottish Parliament formed the Solemn League and Covenant with the English Parliament, which meant that the Church of England would abandon episcopalianism and consistently adhere to Calvinistic standards of doctrine and worship. The Confession and Catechisms were produced in order to secure the help of the Scots against the king.”

We’ve also had our first little Greek lesson from Dave Walker – so far I’ve learned the alphabet and Robyn is on to more advanced learning of words and stuff. She’s a pretty dilligent little worker. Here’s what I know so far…

Gittins on Disaster Reporting

The discussion on the reporting of Disasters goes on, here on my post, and elsewhere. Ross Gittins, the SMH’s chief economic reporter, has an interesting piece on it from an insider’s perspective. It’s worth a read. I’ll admit I’ve played devil’s advocate a little in discussions on my post. I think there’s a need to cover disasters and coverage can be helpful to highlight the plight of people suffering as a result of the event. And I think the bushfires are a big deal. The biggest disaster we’ve had to confront on our soil. I stand by those comments. But I also agree with Stuss and Amy that the coverage has gone too far and for too long.

Here’s Gittins’ thesis:

“But media coverage of this one’s gone way over the top. And it’s served to strengthen my suspicion that the community’s reaction to natural disasters is exploitative, voyeuristic, unfair, self-gratifying and even pathological.”

Here are some gems from Gittins thoughtful piece:

On why we watch

“Our emotion-driven caring is highly selective. People with problems get wonderful treatment provided their problems make good TV footage and for the 15 minutes they’re in the media spotlight. People with chronic (old-hat), unphotogenic problems get ignored.”

“Modern city life leaves us with weaker connections to our extended families and neighbours, so whereas once we could let our emotions loose on the misadventures of people we knew, now we need the mass media to provide our emotional exercise.”

On why they broadcast

“Our preoccupation lasts a week or two before the media senses our waning interest and turns away, waiting for the next natural disaster to get excited about.”

“But don’t blame it all on the media. They do what they do because they know it’s what their audience wants.”

“They want the media to give their feelings of sympathy, sorrow and grief a good workout.”

On why we give

“But I also suspect that feeling sympathy for the victims of disasters and rushing to make donations is intended to make us feel good about ourselves.”

“Why does ABC Classic FM carry ads “urging” its listeners to donate? Because management wants its listeners to think well of the station. Why does a bank take out full-page ads announcing all the concessions it’s prepared to make to its affected customers? Because it wants to improve its battered image. I wonder whether the cost of those concessions will come out of the bank’s profits or be spread between its other customers.”

On politics

“Politicians want to be wherever the TV cameras are trained on something exciting. They want to be seen as always on the job, demonstrating their humanity by expressing their profound sympathy for the victims and acting like generals who lead from the front.”

“Like so many things, natural disasters advantage the political incumbents over their opposition. But politicians also act out of fear – fear of the criticism they’d attract from know-all talkback jockeys should they fail visit the scene, or should government agencies be judged to have bungled their response to the tragedy.”

On the shelf life of the coverage

The reason I’m cynical is that I know how fleeting all the professed concern is. I hate things that are fashionable, where everyone has the same opinion and does the same thing at the same time.

But like all fashions, it never lasts. Our preoccupation lasts a week or two before the media senses our waning interest and turns away, waiting for the next natural disaster to get excited about.

The best bits – February 18, 2009

It’s something unpredictable

But in the end it’s right… I can not believe I just referenced a Greenday song.

Readers may be shocked to learn that this blog was not listed in Time Magazine’s 25 best blogs of 2009. Maybe next year. Here’s the list of the 25 best and the 5 most overrated. Some are probably worth subscribing to.