heresy – Page 2 – St. Eutychus

How to pick a church slogan

If you’re in the business of picking church slogans you don’t want to go cherry picking passages willy-nilly. The U.C.C is not famous for caring what the Bible actually says, so it could well be that they were aware that these words actually come from the mouth of Satan when he’s tempting Jesus in the desert.

The tagline reads “if thou therefore will worship me, all shall be thine – Luke 4:7″…

Luke 4:7 in context reads:

⁵The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world.⁶And he said to him, “I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. ⁷So if you worship me, it will all be yours.”

⁸Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.’

I reckon verse eight is a better starting point.

Via Nathan Bingham.

July 24, 2010

This (the Devil) is why you’re fat… Part One

You’ve seen the imagery – and now it’s time for the substance. If you’re carrying a few extra kilos (and trust me, I can relate) then this book should spur you on to greater physical fitness. Because we all know that when it comes to God’s love it’s not what’s inside that counts – it’s how good you look.

Chapter One of “Help Lord – The Devil Wants Me Fat: a spiritual approach to a trim and attractive body” is entitled “The Satanic Food Conspiracy!”…

Let me quote to you from the opening paragraphs.

“I don’t see how a really fat person can be a true Christian!”

Normally I ignore such remarks. We all know that being fat or skinny has nothing to do with being saved. But the brother making the statement was so sincere, I thought I’d better hear him out.

“Oh, I replied, “How come?”

See what he’s done here. He’s disassociated himself from the heresy but then given it credence, and indeed, produce a whole book on the basis that you need to be skinny.

“Well, in Philippians 3:19, the apostle Paul speaks of those whose god is their belly. When a person is overweight it seems to me that food is his real master, not the Lord Jesus. Those extra pounds are proof he puts his stomach ahead of the Lord.”

This prompted some soul searching. Our author used to be “large.”

“Then I looked down at the rolls around my waistline. One thing was obvious – I was eating more food than I needed… Is it possible the Devil was using food to weaken the Lord’s rule over my life? Ugh, I didn’t like that idea. Probably because the answer I was getting back was a “yes.”

From what I knew of the devil, food was something he would definitely use. He’s skillful in turning good things to evil purposes… we could consider sex. Here is a beautiful thing God has given us, a drive of the organism to remind us how incomplete we are in ourselves. Just as we need a mate to make us complete in the flesh, so do we need the Lord Jesus to be complete in the Spirit… If Satan has the ability to turn God given drives and turn them to evil, why would he ignore something as vital as eating.”

Here’s the clincher for his argument (and if you read this conclusion with his sex analogy in mind you can understand why he thinks a glass of water is a satisfying start to the day).

“When we’re eating, do we think in terms of what our bodies need? No, we think of how good it tastes or how satisfying it is to stuff ourselves. That’s got to be the work of Satan. He gets us to shift our focus from eating what we NEED to eating what we WANT… Beyond that there seems to be a FOOD CONSPIRACY in our land. Fast food stands are springing up like gas stations. Household magazines are filled with colour photos of delicious pastries and desserts. Everywhere you look it’s food-food-FOOD…

“Most Christians seem to think it [their body] belongs to them; that they can do with it as they please. As a result they pollute it and defile it. We’re familiar with the usual things that defile the body: drugs, alcohol, tobacco and sex sins… But most subtle is the way the devil gets us to defile our bodies with food. Many who profess to put Christ first in their lives, deny His lordship with a knife and fork.”

No doubt Keller would enjoy this bit…

“Thus we have Christians who wouldn’t think of lying or stealing or committing adultery, unashamedly going around with bulging bellies. By this they are announcing to the world, “I’ve got another god in my life!” This is in direct violation of the First Commandment.”

The problem though, is Television. If this book were written today the problem would no doubt be all the food ads – but back in 1982 it was the breaks for “station identification”… this was an opportunity to get up to mischief.

“You’re watching TV. There’s a break for station identification. Do you just sit there? No. You ease out of your chair and head for the kitchen. The refrigerator door swings open. You peer inside. Are you hungry? No. does your body need food right now? No. Do you know why you’re standing there staring like that? No…

If nothing is available from the refrigerator you may open a cupboard or two. Some more staring. If you spy something that can be eaten conveniently, you reach for it. If not, you close the door… “I don’t need it anyway” but that’s a victory of the moment. You’ll be back shortly. You win sometimes and you lose sometimes, but the final score is totaled up on the bathroom scale. If you’ve gained weight you are clearly losing the war.”

If you haven’t been offended by this pastoral method before, you probably will be now…

“The devil doesn’t care about fat. He’s concerned with what happens to Christians when they’re fat… in spite of the common notion that fat people are more jolly, the real truth is they’re often more lonely. They make good pals, but not sweethearts. As a result, fat people do a lot of pretending.”

Basically, if you know a happy fat person they’re just faking it. And Satan spends his time helping them weave a fantasy web of self-satisfied delusion…

Except, of course, for those who are fat because of glandular conditions. There’s a disclaimer at the end of this chapter. I would have put this at the front personally… the disclaimer points out that fewer than 1% of the population have this problem and that these people are not the target of this book.

Here are the reasons Satan wants us fat.

Despair – How many overweight Christians cry out to the Lord for victory over food? Until a Christian dedicates his stomach to the Lord he can pray all he wants and nothing will happen. The body is the Lord’s. And the relationship between the body and the spirit is so close that the power of the Holy Spirit in one’s life DEPENDS ON THE YIELDING OF THE BODY TO CHRIST. Frequently the greatest barrier to surrender of the body is the STOMACH. Until it is surrendered, the person can pray until he is blue in the face and there’ll be no answer. He prays in disappointment. When his disappointment becomes despair the devil has acquired a destructive emotion to use against him.
Foothold – What Satan really seeks is a foothold on our WILLS… when we take ONE BITE of food more than we need, it provides him with a chink in our armour… When he can get us to eat more than we need – at his suggestion – he has gained the foothold he wants. That is why a few extra pounds is such a serious matter. They become an unanswerable proof of his dominion.
Enslavement – This is what the devil is finally after. He doesn’t want us in control of our flesh. He wants us SLAVES of our flesh. Why? The flesh is his territory.

Lest you be thinking that this issue is simply limited to your own stomach (and no doubt gluttony does lead to being overweight, as do other factors like poor nutritional education… and the types of processed foods that are part of modern diets…)…

“As far as I can determine we are in those days of “eating and drinking” of which the Lord spoke (Matt 24:37-39). It is one of the signs of the last days.”

The chapter finishes by assuring us that being overweight is just as bad as being an adulterous pastor…

“Some years ago a well known evangelist on the West Coast was shot and killed in a motel room by an enraged husband. The preacher was caught in bed with the man’s wife… But let me ask this: “is it any worse for the Lord to find you in bed with someone else’s wife or husband? Or to have him find you 20-50 pounds overweight?

July 20, 2010

YouTube Tuesday: A Hinnderance

Apologies if you have seen this already (3 million people have). But this made me laugh. In a sad way. I know that ultimately Hinn and his ilk are harmful, but treatment like this can only lessen their influence… right?

Anyway, somebody set Benny Hinn’s “spiritual slayings” to this song that I only know of as a theme song from a wrestling show. His stuff is about as real as wrestling (ie only as real as the people in the audience think it is).

He even Hulks up in this video… watch it brother…

I don’t think the verse he’s looking for is in the Bible. And I’m almost certain this bit isn’t:

But his wife takes the cake…

June 8, 2010

If I fail Greek…

I still won’t enroll at this college…

So, last night, I decided to do some research on the fellow from this post. He has an Australian accent, so I figured he was probably one of ours… I was right. He’s in Brisbane. And he is an utter nut case. There are people who are on the fringes of Christianity who I don’t agree with, and then there are people so far gone that I think it’s ok to insult them.

This guy might have Tourette’s – but he’s also permanently drunk. He calls it “drunk in the spirit” – he claims to have been taken up to God for three days when he was converted 11 years ago, and to have been a “whacked prophet” ever since. He runs a college in Brisbane – I think he has two students. They are featured in this video.

His church, based on what I’ve seen in the background of his videos – appears to be his house. It looks like he’s painted the logo on one of the walls. He has pretty good graphic design, video production, and social media stuff going on – which is weird, because he’s otherwise completely insane. Here’s a bit of his “bio”…

Matt has been intoxicated (drunk in the Spirit) on the Father’s love since 1998, and at times is not able to function well in the physical realm due to the glory that rests on his life. He is a God pleaser. He is about his Fathers business….. drinking in the wine of Heaven and setting the captive free. Even though Matt has been in full time ministry for 11 years, he has kept himself out of the church “scene” so as to allow Holy Spirit to do His work in his life. Matt carries a strong prophetic revelatory, anointing and preaches whilst in a trance… or preaching whilst inside an encounter with Heaven.

Matt has a really simple style of ministry. He gets whacked (drunk… filled with Holy Spirit) and ministers from the glory realm. He spends hours a day drinking in the presence of Heaven so that he can unleash the torrent of the Fathers love every time he preaches. We have a staffing structure in place which enables Matthew to carry out his call and be filled with the “too much” anointing… continually.

It’s ok though, according to Mr “pisseth against the wall” himself – Steven L. Anderson – Bible College is a sin and will lead me out of fundamentalist KJV only soul winning orthodoxy…

June 5, 2010

Reasons for going to church: you (probably) won’t get AIDS

Seriously. What sort of answer was this (in about the tenth second)…

It must be hard to know what you stand for when your minister sounds like a fortune cookie (check that out on Challies), and can’t get the gospel right… on national TV.

May 14, 2010

Two new contenders for world’s worst Christian music

Long time readers will remember the world’s worst “worship”… purely assessed from an aesthetic standpoint – I don’t know if this is acceptable to God. That’s up to him.

Here are two contenders to knock it off its throne (I have included the original as the third video in this post). In the Hokey Pokey one it’s worth persevering until 3.48. Apparently short term memory is not biblical… nor is Alzheimer’s.

March 6, 2010

Pat Robertson is an idiot who needs to read the Bible

It takes a natural disaster to bring out the best and worst in Christianity. Pat Robertson is one of those insidious televangelists who will jump on any bandwagon in order to promote his gospel – not the gospel – his gospel.

So it doesn’t surprise me to see him trying to capitalise on a terrible tragedy (the horrific earthquake in Haiti).

Here’s what Jesus says about this sort of situation in Luke (12 and 13)…

54 He said to the crowd: “When you see a cloud rising in the west, immediately you say, ‘It’s going to rain,’ and it does. 55 And when the south wind blows, you say, ‘It’s going to be hot,’ and it is. 56 Hypocrites! You know how to interpret the appearance of the earth and the sky. How is it that you don’t know how to interpret this present time?

57 “Why don’t you judge for yourselves what is right? 58 As you are going with your adversary to the magistrate, try hard to be reconciled to him on the way, or he may drag you off to the judge, and the judge turn you over to the officer, and the officer throw you into prison. 59 I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.[c]”

Luke 13

1 Now there were some present at that time who told Jesus about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mixed with their sacrifices. 2 Jesus answered, “Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? 3 I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. 4 Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? 5 I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.”

January 14, 2010

Literarily speaking

I was thinking tonight – while sitting in a Christmas Eve service in Dalby – that I don’t understand why the liberals or “progressives” are so keen to see the narratives of the birth of Jesus as “metaphors” or hyperbole. Not because that’s what the church in Dalby did – the Christmas story was presented in all its glory.

The story of an unlikely conception, occurring in such a way that the baby arrived in a city that did not have room to receive the incoming “king”, who was pursued ruthlessly by a rival king, and heralded by angels is a story laden with significant metaphors and literary devices – I just don’t know why the presence of metaphors makes the truth of the story any less likely.

It seems the liberal and progressive arm of Christianity isn’t prepared to cut God any slack to act in a creative way. Why shouldn’t we expect God to use metaphors, similes and miracles? Jesus spent a fair bit of time teaching in parables. I just don’t get the mindset that says that God firstly must act in a way consistent with our scientific observations and secondly limits him to acting and communicating in a mundane and boring manner. If Jesus was just an ordinary baby born in an ordinary way there’d be nothing to celebrate about his arrival.

And I still can’t get my head around what you have left if you toss out all the supernatural bits of God. If you don’t believe that God could cause a virgin to conceive or the dead to be raised then what’s the point?

Merry Christmas.

December 24, 2009

The slippery slope of liberalism

In the grand scheme of “who annoys Nathan most” there’s a battle between the rabid anti-theists and the waffling liberals.

They seem unlikely bedfellows. But liberals like Spong and his ilk, and atheists like Dawkins, work off each other in a symbiotic way – both pulling people away from Christianity like a fat frog pulls moths away from a lamp.

Today I read a post where an atheist asked what religious believer fellow atheists would mourn in death – and many admitted an admiration for Spong – some even claimed that it was reading Spong that lead to their atheism.

I’ll be sad when John Shelby Spong passes away. It was by reading his writings that I started to shed my fundamentalist views, and if it were not for him, I would not be the happy atheist I am today.

Then I read this article on the Sydney Morning Herald about how significant Jesus is to history. The author, a politician, couldn’t quite decide what his response to this historical Jesus should be…

From whatever perspective we come, thinking people ought to be able to agree, the birth of Jesus was a good day for mankind. I suspect I may never quite shake the childlike hunch that there is some uniquely divine imprint on the central individual of the human story. Happy Birthday, Jesus.

But the rabid commenters on the article were quick to point out what his response should be.

I don’t believe the arguement that without religion we would not have morals, if we followed the morals of the Church we would be burning alternative medecine practitioners (aka witches) and would say goodbye multicultural Australia. Sorry Christmas day is a sad day for humanity it made hatred justifiable.

The anti-slavery movement was founded in Enlightenment principles — all men are equal, and all that — principles that the Christian churches fought every step of the way, until at the very last the unquestionably correct fight was joined by some fringe (at the time) Protestants.

It’s funny how we all read history differently and often with the prejudice that comes with our philosophical views.

Once you get to the point of liberalism – of distrusting and second guessing the only account we have of God communicating to the world, or of reinterpreting history through a postmodern lens, you may as well pack the whole thing in. Which is why this “shocking” billboard campaign from a Liberal Anglican church in New Zealand doesn’t actually shock me at all… it saddens me.

It creates a dichotomy between “progressive” Christianity and “fundamentalist” Christianity. What it actually means is people who reject the Bible and read it through the lens of culture and people who believe the Bible and interpret culture through it. When did they think the Bible was culturally relevant? Was the culture of Corinth – where a man was permissibly sleeping with his step mum – really that much different to our sex charged culture today? Did people really only discover sexual freedom in the 1960s?

Here are some quotes.

Fundamentalism believes that Christianity is essentially about individual salvation and admission to an after-life off the planet. What one believes rather than how one behaves is paramount. This planet is merely a testing ground.

Progressive Christianity however emphasizes behaviour above belief. How one treats ones neighbours, enemies, and planet is the essence of faith. The celebration of the birth of Jesus is a celebration of God in every birth and every person.

For fundamentalist Christians the incarnation is about the miraculous arrival of a baby soon to die and by his blood save us. For progressive Christians the incarnation is about the miracle of this planet earth and all life that exists here.

It came with a pretty bizarre string of comments where people clearly struggle to articulate a cohesive logical view on the incarnation from a “progressive” standpoint.

This one is from a commenter named Matthew who shared a series of statements he no doubt believes are quite profound.

“If Jesus is the product of divine insemination (in whatever format) and not the seed of Joseph, then he is not human, his crucifixion means nothing because he has no connections to humanity, it’s just God killing himself to prove he can.

If however (as must be true) Jesus is an enlightened being birthed from the union of a man and a woman, then his life and his death can be seen as a statement of the possibilities of humanity, not some freak show that simply excites Mel Gibson fans.”

I’d counter this claim with the notion that if Jesus isn’t part divine then all aspects of his divinity are lost and the whole thing falls down. If he’s just human then there’s nothing that “connects” him to God. And why does Jesus require a human father in order to be human? Why isn’t a human mother sufficient? There are so many problems with the logic of the supernatural when people try to translate it into a rational framework.

If it “must be true” that God can’t intervene in the womb of a person then what’s the point of having a God to begin with? What’s the point in believing in a God who didn’t become flesh?

At that point it’s far more honest to be an atheist and join some sort of community group like Rotary where you actually do good things and don’t cause trouble for the true believers – though one suspects Spong isn’t actually too disappointed by the fact that his teachings lead to atheism.

December 18, 2009

Things that are of the Devil

Pokemon
Video Games
Bad Preaching

I believe that one of the three items in that list is actually a tool of the devil. This guy disagrees.

December 11, 2009

Heresy from a scammer

Miss Zima Peters is in hospital dying of cancer. She urgently needs help getting her money out of the country and away from a corrupt government. She wants a Christian helper. That’s important to her.

I asked what her favourite bible verse was. She sent me the following heresy riddled statement of belief… I’m not sure I can deal with somebody who believes these things…

How to be saved?

Let’s go to first things first. (Acts 16:30 & 3 1). (And brought them out , and said, "Sir what must I do to be saved?") There is a jailer here and Paul & Silas is locked up in jail and after a miraculous thing has taken place the jailer came out and said "Sir, what must I do to be saved? (Acts 16:31) they said, ("Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shall be saved and thy house") Your whole house will be saved all of your children and all of your family will be saved. If you happen to be a one family head, if you are a mother or father and you have no husband or wife you are the head of your house. With your salvation, your family is also saved, that’s number one.

What MUST I Believe?

Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, that’s what he must believe, believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shall be saved. One of the most critical points here is that the Apostle Paul did not tell this jailer to believe on God to be saved. Where salvation is concerned God is not a part,he does not play a part in your salvation. God played his part when he gave his only begotten son. (John 3: 1 6).

Clearly her understanding of the trinity is all wrong. I’ll fix that.

Zima,
I have received your email.
I am worried about your doctrinal statement. I fear for your soul my sister. The father, son and holy spirit are one are they not? Your doctrine of salvation is wrong.
I will do my best to bring you to the country – but first I need another photo of you holding a sign with your favourite bible verse written on it.
I can not afford, in my position, to be caught up in a scam.
I will pray for you in the meantime. I am a renowned faith healer, perhaps you will be healed through the power of prayer.

Because this is ethically murky (and the person at the other end of the emails is no doubt lying about everything). I have prayed for whomever it may be. That they might truly understand the words they twist and use for the purposes of their crimes.

August 10, 2009

Dirty deed – done dirt cheap

Label generated here. Make your own. Go on. Do it.

Ahh… some “Christians” give the rest of us a bad name. Choosing to make one verse of the bible a point of distinction for your ministry is almost always a bad idea. The badness increases based on the obscurity of the verse – the prayer of Jabez is a case in point. As is the building of a massive cross shaped conference centre in Nazareth.

If your verse is this:

And he said, so is the kingdom of God, as if a man should cast seed into the ground; And should sleep, and rise night and day, and the seed should spring and grow up, he knoweth not how

You’re likely to be in a bit of trouble. Especially if you use that verse to justify a ministry of literally “seeding” the ground in the Holy Land. Because the ground is nicer there. More sanctified.

Seed of prayer is a service that enables believers all over the world to cast a seed of prayer in the Holy Land.
Casting a seed is a spiritual ceremony in which your prayer or heartfelt personal memory (which might be represented by anything that symbolizes your hopes and dreams, such as a photograph, a token, a greeting card, or a piece of jewelry) is cast as a seed of prayer upon the soil of the Holy land.

And what’s in it for you – if you choose to partake in their service. For a $12 fee (plus extras).

Apart of course from the feeling of spiritual wellbeing. This. Holy soil.

If you use it for your tomatoes they’ll no doubt be blessed. And taste better.

You can also get a DVD of your casting ceremony. To relive the moment no doubt. Over and over again.

April 15, 2009