Author: Nathan Campbell

Nathan runs St Eutychus. He loves Jesus. His wife. His daughter. His son. His other daughter. His dog. Coffee. And the Internet. He is the pastor of City South Presbyterian Church, a church in Brisbane, a graduate of Queensland Theological College (M. Div) and the Queensland University of Technology (B. Journ). He spent a significant portion of his pre-ministry-as-a-full-time-job life working in Public Relations, and now loves promoting Jesus in Brisbane and online. He can't believe how great it is that people pay him to talk and think about Jesus. If you'd like to support his writing financially you can do that by giving to his church.

All quiet…

Simone hasn’t posted since Monday. Stuss has posted just once this week, while Ben has posted just once today. Izaac has posted twice. Tim and Ben (Bathgates.net) once. The usually reliable Craig has posted only nine times this week. The man known around these parts as “The Moff” (I saw somewhere that someone called him that to some consternation) – has posted four times.

Amy and Tim are off to a promising start with six posts since Monday. Ali, who I missed out in the last little round up post, has posted three times this week…

Maybe the threat of traffic induced by this post and all the other bored desk jockeys out there will cause these people to update their blogs soon…

And the rest of you… what are we procrastinators to do?

Commenting would be a start. Lets talk.

July 29, 2009

Dr Paul – Resurrected

Yesterday’s Dr Paul post got me feeling a little bit nostalgic. I miss our late night phone calls. I decided to see if I could redeem our relationship – and pursue the conclusion of our transaction. I ate humble pie. I apologised.

Dr Paul,
I wonder if you have had a chance to reconsider this arrangement.
I would like you to consider continuing with this transaction under the terms dictated previously.
As a sign of good faith I will be transferring a portion of the payment to Emmanuel via Western Union when I receive your reply.

And he took the bait.

Dear.

Thank you very much for your mail. how are you today my friend. my friend before you make my main to feel bad but now i no that you main have come down. so my friend since that time you fund is in airport waiting for you but because of the way you make my main fee bad make me that i did not contact you again. my friend that last time i try all i can do to see that i help you but you do want to understand me. but if you have come down just go and send it money today and get back to me fast so diplomat will live first tomorrow morning.

My friend as am sending you this mail all arrangement have make to deliver this fund to you this very week.  but friend just belive me that i will help you got you fund this week if you follow my word, but am happy now you main have come down because i did not like if am telling somebody truth it will hear me. so my friend please as you getting this mail now go and send this money fast. Am looking forward to hear a good new from you today.

Yours Friend

Dr Paul

Now, I’ve been doing a little bit of reading up on the whole scambaiting thing – Gilbert from scambuster419.co.uk – is the master. He has devised a number of ways to pay the scammers, without forking out any actual money. I decided to take this game to a new level… enter, the Western Union receipt.

Dear Dr Paul.
I went to the local Western Union agent to do the transfer – attached is a poorly scanned copy of the receipt. The post office I visited to conduct this transfer had very old equipment.
I will send you a better quality version when I can.
Regards,
Nathaniel
Good day sir.

Right. That’s official looking. I’ve paid my dues. It’s time for Dr Paul to come through with the goods.

Sadly, Western Union have an online facility for verifying the details of these things…

Dear.

My friend i have big problem now in western union the paper you send to me for the payment ,the MTCN number is not ok. my friend please go back to western union now fast and go am collect the information again because this one you send to me the MTCN number have mistake.

my friend please try do it fast now am in western union waiting for you. so by tomorrow diplomat will start coming to deliver you fund to you. my friend as i want to western to pick up this money the western union the find this mistake. please as i told you go now and collect the correct information please. my friend please try do very thing fast now so i will run down to airport and give them this money.Am looking forward to hear from you now.

Yours Friend

Dr paul

His request came outside of office hours – how could I possibly acquiesce – besides, the details are right. I’m sure of it…

Dr Paul, 

I am sure the details are correct – I also had to give the clerk a security question – they said these are mandatory for transactions to your country.

The question – was "what’s your favourite bible verse" – the answer is Exodus 20:15.

I got into Western Union’s local agency prior to their closing for the day – that receipt is exactly what they provided me.

You may need to work this out with the clerk on your side.

This is when the phone calls started. I’m not ready to talk to him again just yet. I suspect he stole my money.

Dear.

Thank you very much for your mail once again my good friend. my friend am not lair to you am telling you the truth please. my good friend i can collect this money and told you that i did not collect. my friend the code i try it by my hand in western union web site the code is not OK. my friend am please you to go back to that western union you send this money and please them to check it for you again so the will give you correct code please.

my friend since that time am standing in western union in fact not happy will them the time the check it and tell me the code is not correct. my friend let you main come down, try go now to western union send this and tell them to give you the correct code please. my friend since morning here am run round in airport to see that diplomat will move today. my friend i can lair to you am child of God. please take it easy very thing will being ok.

my friend please take my word i will not lair to you because i take you as my good friend. my friend how can i lair to my good friend i want to help.  my friend do it fast so i will take the payment to airport now.Am looking forward today

Yours Friend

Dr Paul

Indeed. Computers. Who can trust them. The Western Union system must be down… I have a few ideas of what might be causing the hold up (other than that I didn’t actually send any money of course…).

Perhaps the payment won’t clear for a day or two – I did pay by cheque. You might need to try again tomorrow or the next day. I will confirm that the details are correct – what number did you try?

They also said you’d have to go in person – not on the website – because you are in Ghana. There are special rules dictating transfers from Australia to some African nations.

That must surely be it…

Dear.

Thank you once again my friend. my good friend since am in this office i never see this before.  my friend please have you contact  the western union where you send this money since this problem come out?

please my friend if you did not contact them please try contact them so very thing will be clear fast. my friend by now diplomat have to live Ghana today but because of this problem is in airport waiting for me to come back and do the payment before he live Ghana will this fund. my friend this is transfer control number:8561629001  i see in that paper you send to me. my friend i will never lair to you in my life.

my friend am Man of 56year , i have three sons so  for me to lair to you can not help me. so my friend take my word very thing will be nice. my friend since today am never have Rest because of you try help me as am helping you here. Am looking forward to hear from you today.

Yours Friend

Dr Paul

Hmm. He’s never seen this before. Well, it must be a Western Union problem. The scent of payment got him pretty excited. I missed 6 calls from him last night. So this morning I sent him these two emails.

Dr Paul, 

Has the money arrived? I trust that this has all been sorted overnight and we can now proceed with the transaction.

Let me know what must be done in order for the diplomat’s trip to be a success.

Dr Paul,

That number is definitely correct. I have spoken to the lady at Western Union here – she said there are some computer issues that have prevented the transaction being registered with the Internet service – and said you need to go into the Western Union branch nearest to you to claim the funds.
The funds have definitely been transferred and cleared.

July 29, 2009

My New Maths – Godwin’s Law

Inspired by the CEC and their inability to open their mouths/hit keys on their keyboards without mentioning the words “Nazi” or Hitler, and by one of my favourite sites – New Math by Craig Damrauer – I’ve produced this. My own new maths on Godwin’s Law…

July 29, 2009

LaRouche is on fire

The nuttiness of the Citizen’s Electoral Council knows no bounds. Their latest press release comes complete with a 10 minute video of awesome badness. They’ve uploaded it badly on YouTube (it doesn’t work properly) – so you’ll have to check it out here.

They hate the Greens more than I do.

“Do you believe the world is overpopulated? Do you believe the world’s human population should be reduced?

If so, you are a sucker for a lie invented by the highest levels of the British oligarchy going back to the rapacious East India Company, and its Venetian ancestors, which lie is now about to be turned into official public policy in the form of cap-and-trade, through the efforts of the modern British oligarchy’s World Wide Fund for Nature and agents Prince Philip, Sir Crispin Tickell, Sir Nicholas Stern, and Al Gore.“

“The 10-minute LYM video is a preview of a planned feature documentary on the roots of the modern Green movement, going back to the evil race-science called eugenics, which was heavily promoted by the aristocracy of Europe in the early part of the 20th century, turned into public policy by Hitler, and repackaged post-war as the environmental movement, by leading eugenicist Sir Julian Huxley and his co-founders of the WWF in 1961, the Nazi-educated Prince Philip and Nazi Party-member Prince Bernhard of the Netherlands.“

You’ve got to watch the video. I especially love where they say they’ve thrown down the gauntlet to Al Gore. Lyndon LaRouche challenged him. At a CEC conference. That nobody heard of, except the people they spam with media releases. I’d hardly call that a gauntlet throw down.

You must watch the video. And check out the CEC website – everybody who disagrees with them is a Nazi (including Obama, the climate change movement, and anyone pushing swine flu panic).

The fun starts at 7.07 where the narrator puts on a British accent.

They really need to think about the whole Godwin’s Law thing…

Steve Fielding is in trouble – because if these guys are for you, you’re going wrong somewhere.

The best bit

July 29, 2009

Turn up for the books

Stories about missing children are always concerning – sometimes they end “well” – it’s unclear just how well this one has ended – but a 12 year old who was missing overnight rocked up at school today… I’m surprised no sub editor has used that heading yet.

July 29, 2009

What the?

Karmichael Hunt is reported to be switching codes. To AFL. Huh?

July 29, 2009

Awesome: Ninja Assassin

I posted something about this movie a while back – and now the trailer is out. The equation is simple Ninjas + Assasins = Awesome. The trailer is pretty violent.

More details about the movie here.

July 29, 2009

A bunch of links – July 28, 2009

July 29, 2009

Hide and Seek

Never play hide and seek with someone who is prepared to merge with their environment…

Like this guy (there are heaps of them at the Daily Mail).

 

July 28, 2009

4U2P

Apparently urinating on walls is a massive social problem.

I had no idea. I did hear that Singapore (I think) had some laws about public urination that didn’t include lifts – so in protest people started urinating in lifts…

Anyway, it’s hardly an epidemic, at least in Australia. Apparently that’s not the case in Mexico. At least that’s the only reason I can think of to invent something like this.

What is this? You ask. This is a public and discrete urinal. As discrete as an oddly shaped bright yellow plastic sculpture can possibly be…

July 28, 2009

Gripping conclusion: Dr Paul and Miss Anna Mensah

Short of things to write about (well other than the queue of things that will fill the RSS feed and Curiosities column in coming days) – I thought I’d give you the conclusion of the Dr Paul saga – from the email point of view – you’ve heard the final phone call already…

After that phone call he sent me one last email, or so he thought…

“Dear.

Thank you very much for our phone discuss today. my friend am try to let you no my explantion but you are go head talking too much.. but my friend all this you are doing will not help you our. my friend just do what i told you very thing will being ok. but if you done want to do that will can stop this deliver.

Thanks

Dr Paul”

He’s still so polite, and after I’d been so rude. But I could tell he wasn’t going to send me a photo – so it was time to play hardball… This response is perhaps “truth with love” – tough love…

It’s too late Dr Paul. You are a criminal. You are trying to catch me in a Western Union Advance Fee Fraud. I am not stupid. Your unwillingness to provide a simple request proves that you are not to be trusted. 

I have told you the conditions under which I will continue the transaction. The ball is in your court.

If you’re not willing to do this then you are a scammer. A criminal. A thief.

You know what my favourite bible verse really is. Exodus 20:15. Though shall not steal.

You are not a very good scammer. Is this your first time? Has anybody ever given you money before? You are low. You are lower than a snake. I can’t believe anyone would be convinced by you – you can’t even get your name straight.

I will be putting your name all over the internet and approaching Yahoo to close your account – I hope I have wasted much of your time and prevent you stealing money from other victims.

A good scammer would have provided the small piece of evidence requested by their target.

You know what you really need. Jesus. Read the Bible. Leave your life of stealing money from innocent people and get a real job. Stop your deceit. Stop your stealing. Repent. You know what waits for unrepentant sinners – the eternal fires of hell.

Jesus loves you – he died for you. Even though you’re a thief and a liar who has no doubt stolen money from many innocent people with your little act.

Probably not the best piece of relational evangelism ever – and that’s when he rang me to call me stupid (the final phone call)…

Perhaps strangest of all was some sort of tag team strategy that Dr Paul began at that time. The “incompetent boss strategy”…

Welcome Ms Anna Mensah, Dr Paul’s much maligned secretary:

“Dear.Mr.Nathan Campbell

It is my pressure to contact you base on the information I got on your fund in Bank Of Ghana. I am Ms. Anna Mensah a personal secretary to Dr. PAUL ACQUAH Governor of the Bank of Ghana. I saw your file on my boss desk, is among three beneficiaries their fund have been

approved as part payment of US$15.7 million in this second quarter of this fiscal year 2009.

However, in your file you have 1% of the total amount of your money, a bill of KNOW YOUR CUSTOMER (KYC) to pay before your fund will be credited into your nominated account. I know too well that for the sake of what you have passed through in the hands of impostors and some corrupt bank officials in the course of getting your long overdue payment, you will not

like to pay any other money upfront.

To this effect Sir, I will like to introduce to you a financier who is very close to Bank of Ghana that will see the release of your fund and pay all the outstanding bill that have been with-holding the release of your fund and he will take 20% of the total money.

Sir, this information is between you and I, if you accept this offer your long overdue fund will hit your nominated account in less than a week pending on how fast you and financier are working out things. I will be waiting to hear your urgent response.

Yours sincerely
Ms. Anna Mensa”

Well, at this stage Nathaniel McIntosh Campbell was on his Christian high horse, and had had enough of this Dr Paul character who wouldn’t provide the photo he was asked for…

“Hi Miss Anna Mensah, 

You need to go back to secretarial school – you can’t even spell your own name.

Unfortunately your boss is a liar and a criminal. I hope he pays you – he won’t pay me, and he certainly won’t provide me with the proof that I have asked for the legitimacy of this deal.

I have no reason to believe that this is not a bunch of lies that you two are spinning in order to steal my 1% payment of the money I won’t ever receive. You ask me to trust you with a payment but you won’t trust me with a photo.

Unrepentant liars go to hell Ms Mensa(h). Remember that. I hope you don’t often steal money from innocent people. “

Yeah. Cop that. After the final phone call I wrote to Anna again, with a bit more carrot, and a bit less stick…

Dear Ms Anna,
I would like to make a formal complaint about the conduct of your superior – Dr Paul Acquah – he has been quite rude to me, he has hurt my feelings, and his customer service was extremely poor. Could you direct me to another employee who can take on my case and pass my feedback on to his boss?
I really think international clients should be treated with more respect. He was abrasive, he did not listen to me and he refused to comply with my requests.
I trust you will act discretely on this matter.
Thanks.
Nathaniel McIntosh Campbell

Perhaps Ms Anna will be the one to come through for me…

Dear.Mr.Nathan
I acknowledge the receipt of your mail. I have noted your words and believe that you will stand on it. how are you my good friend. my friend all you have to do now that you have send me all this infromation so will can start this transfer. my friend i done like the way you talk to me on frist email you sent to me before, but because of love i have on you i will help you.This is the information onbelow you have to send it down fast.
1. YOUR MOBILE
2. YOUR HOUSE ADDRESS
3. ANY OF YOU ID CARD
I am waiting for your responde.
Yours Sincerely
Ms Anna Mensah

Now, I’m not stupid. Some people are worried that these guys are dangerous – and with good reason. I’m unlikely to give them my address or any copies of my ID unless I can be certain that they’re legit. Like the guy in Flight of the Conchords… Sadly, Miss Anna’s love is unrequited.

Dear Miss Mensah, 

I will not be providing any of these details until I am sure you are not criminals. You must do several things for me before I provide those details:

1. Advise what action will be taken against Dr Paul.

2. Provide me a piece of identification – and a separate photograph to collaborate your identity – this photo must be produced to prove to me that you are not either Dr Paul in disguise or a criminal scammer. I would like you to send me a photo of you holding a sign that says "Exodus 20:15".

3. Provide me a written apology from Dr Paul for delaying this transaction through incompetence and being unwilling to meet the set parameters.

Once you have done these things I will send you my address.

Dr Paul has my mobile number – as you have my file on my desk this shouldn’t be a problem.

I live in Cairns, Queensland, Australia.

I will not send you my identification until I can be sure you are who you say you are. You are requesting me to send you money – the onus is on you to prove your identity not on me to prove mine.

Once you have established that trust we can do business.

I told them I’m in Cairns. They need the boost in international tourism that will come from a squad of angry African scammers…

I haven’t heard back from either of them since.

I do have a couple of other scammers on the go – I’ve had to start up a second email account though just to be on the safe side.

July 28, 2009

How to have a viral wedding

You’ve no doubt all seen the wedding with that dancing procession… Haven’t you… It’s gone viral.

All you engaged people out there are no doubt wondering how to top that. Here’s my two step process for ensuring your viral wedding is a success:

1. Find a swine flu clinic.
2. Hold your wedding there.

I know there’s a rule against posting things that everybody already knows about – but I’m short a YouTube Tuesday video, so here it is, in case you’ve been living under a rock.

July 28, 2009

Alpha beta

We’re running Introducing God at church at the moment. It’s like Alpha, for the Bible minded…

I’ve never done the Alpha course. My opinion of it is largely shaped by criticisms from people I know and respect. But it’s second hand.

For more “second hand” accounts of Alpha you should read this “orthodox atheist” journalist from the Guardian (UK paper) as he blogs the Alpha experience.

“The nearest I’ve come to a religious experience recently is my nightly dose of the Wire. Ain no thang. But I leave St Mary’s looking forward to next week’s session. I spend precisely no time with people openly discussing their faith in a very personal way. Mostly when I think about religion it’s the foolish edicts of preposterous old men in dresses. But sitting down with people who choose to spend a sunny Tuesday evening discussing the meaning of life with strangers seems to be a much more interesting insight into what makes people of faith tick. We shall see.”

July 28, 2009

A bunch of links – July 27, 2009

July 28, 2009

Introducing…

Well, Tim and Amy have a blog. Excellent.

They’ve both had those live journal things for a while – but reading someone’s journal seems so voyeuristic – and Amy informed my of its existence on the down low – so I haven’t given it the kudos it deserves.

I went to school with both of them, and they got married. Those two points are only tangentially related – I had nothing to do with them getting married, or with them going to school together. But that is what happened.

Tim is also responsible for my incredibly diligent work ethic – he scored me the ultimate university job clerking at a law firm. We job shared for a few years. Actually, longer than a few years – we used to reciprocally help each other with delivery runs (he delivered newspapers, me pamphlets)… ahh, nostalgia.

Anyway, now you can get to know them too – courtesy of their blog. So far it’s just Amy. But it bears Tim’s name, so he may be tempted out of the laboratory at some point.

Amy is also the Amy who comments here heaps – and who disagrees with me the fiercest  when I mention things like the environment. So it’s guaranteed to be worth reading.

July 27, 2009