Category: Communication

Don Watson on Rudd Speak

There’s a great interview transcript on the ABC website featuring author and speechwriter Don Watson.

Here’s his plea to the PM…

I think he really ought to see it as one of his responsibilities to use the language as it’s meant to be used. I mean he does understand language very well, he knows when and how to use it well, which makes it all the less forgivable that he uses it so tiresomely so often.

Here’s his take on spin.

They just send us messages, and they call it spin, you know, which look if it was spin it would be fantastic, I wouldn’t mind it. Spin sort of suggests something mesmerising. This isn’t spin it’s anaesthetic. It’s like a big cloud of gas that comes over and makes cutting your toenails look interesting.

Spin gets a bit of a bad wrap. Everybody spins. Some people just declare it more than others. Here’s an example of how spin can be helpful, not dishonest.

Fact: Townsville is not widely known as a holiday destination.
Bad Spin: Nobody goes to Townsville for a holiday.
Good Spin: Townsville is an undiscovered and emerging holiday destination.

Both statements say essentially the same thing. One is more likely to get people to consider a holiday in Townsville.

Typecasting type

I’m not a font purist. I stick with the basics. Helvetica will do me… I like the idea of straying from the pack – but I’m no fontrepreneur.

It seems treading the line on fonts is more perilous than I thought… font purists are out there. Watching. Waiting for a slip up. Especially when it comes to the use of fonts in movies and television programs.

Choosing an inappropriate typeface is one problem. Applying one inaccurately is another. Sadly for type nuts, movies often offend on both counts. Take “Titanic,” in which the numbers on the dials of the ship’s pressure gauges use Helvetica, a font designed in 1957, some 45 years after the real “Titanic” sank. Helvetica was also miscast in “Good Night and Good Luck,” which takes place in the early 1950s. “I still find it bizarre to see type or lettering that is wrong by years in a period movie in which the architecture, furniture and costumes are impeccable, and where somebody would have been fired if they were not,” said Matthew Carter, the typography designer based in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Top five rules for blogging: #5 comment elsewhere

Blog readers don’t just fall from the sky… well that’s only partly true. A lot of readers come via Google. And they may as well fall from the sky.

To significantly boost your traffic you can do one of two things – you can write google friendly copy, or you can try to steal other people’s readers by getting involved in their blog community.

I don’t know how many readers I’ve pilfered from Ben and Simone – but I’d suggest the link love I score from them was a significant factor in my moving to more than 500 unique readers a week.

500 readers a week isn’t a significant number. I’m certainly not about to quit my job and become a full time blogger. But I’m comfortable with that. I think if I wanted to increase that figure dramatically I’d take one strategy – I’d comment on popular blogs. Particularly popular blogs that cover similar topics to mine.

Readership is only part of the picture. Blogging regularly can be tough. I think that’s why so many blogs falter. One of the things that makes it easier is the support of people who leave encouraging comments, and post links to stuff they like that you’ve written. You don’t get this sort of support unless you know the person in real life and as such want to see their blog continue, or you comment and share the link love elsewhere.

That’s my theory anyway.

St Eutychus coming soon to a language near you

By the power of Google Translate you are now able to read this blog in whatever language you are most comfortable.

There’s a box in the sidebar to help. And if you want to do this to your own site you should read how here

You can add it to any website you want. It’s easy.

Ironic Venn Diagram

Having dangerously used the word irony in a post today – and fearing the horde of angry pedants who swarm onto any use of the word irony they deem inappropriate – I made this graph on graphjam.

Here is what wikipedia has to say on the matter – that may provide some clarity…

Modern theories of rhetoric distinguish between verbal, dramatic and situational irony.

  • Verbal irony is a disparity of expression and intention: when a speaker says one thing but means another, or when a literal meaning is contrary to its intended effect. An example of this is sarcasm.
  • Dramatic irony is a disparity of expression and awareness: when words and actions possess a significance that the listener or audience understands, but the speaker or character does not.
  • Situational irony is the disparity of intention and result: when the result of an action is contrary to the desired or expected effect. Likewise, cosmic irony is disparity between human desires and the harsh realities of the outside world (or the whims of the gods). By some definitions, situational irony and cosmic irony are not irony at all.

And in case you’re confused between sarcasm and verbal irony – because both have the same functional definition – here’s a helpful contrast.

Ridicule is an important aspect of sarcasm, but not verbal irony in general.

Top five rules for blogging: #4 Be prepared to write stupid posts

This is, as the heading indicates, the  number four in a series of five posts. Here are all five tips, and here’s my post on the first one, here’s the second one, and here’s the third.

As we discussed in tip number one – nothing kills a blog like a loss of momentum. I think this tip is particularly important in the early stages of a blog.

Blogs aren’t a great medium for people wanting to publish polished essays every time. Some posts are going to be not as good as other posts.

More often than not it’s the posts I think are a bit rubbish that get a spike in traffic or see increased comments.

The best solution I’ve come up with in order to keep my blogging juices flowing is to just post. As often as possible. This means I’ve written some absolute rubbish in my time, which on the whole has contributed to the quality of this blog in a negative manner. But, I’ve also managed to stick at blogging for almost 4 years and almost 2,600 posts.

My post rate, and my traffic, have picked up since I decided to take the “just post any old thing” approach…

I have one or two rules that I use when deciding whether or not to post something. There is a limit to how stupid my posts can be without cheapening the experience of visiting this site.

There’s an important overarching precept guiding my posts – I am a Christian before I am a blogger, and this creates a tension… I want to glorify God with this blog – and I use it as a vehicle for articulating my thoughts on what I’m learning or thinking about Christianity. But I also like posting really silly things. Things that are probably at the pinnacle of human stupidity. And toilet humour. Having two columns has helped me come to grips with this tension – it probably doesn’t help feed readers.

I am, in this post, dealing with my tip to be prepared to post stupid stuff, I’m not sure that I see this stupid stuff as a way to do anything but keep momentum going and perhaps entice people here to be amused – I suspect more people come for the stupid stuff than for the thought out stuff.

Here is, for want of a better label, my checklist for posting a stupid post.

  1. Did it amuse me? – If the answer is yes I’ll probably post it. If the answer is no, I’ll consider whether it may impress, amuse, or inform, anybody else who I know reads my blog.
  2. Will it amuse other people – this one’s not a deal breaker and comes down to the blogging for comments principle. I like having readers, but I’d probably approach blogging the same way even if I didn’t.
  3. Is it likely to offend people I care about. I probably won’t post these – or I’ll check first.
  4. Has it been posted everywhere/watched by millions? It has to be really worthwhile to post if everybody has already seen it – you won’t find any dancing wedding entrances here…
  5. Am I breaking any laws? This one is pretty important. Don’t post anything illegal.

On for young and old

I subscribe to Dinosaur Comics. I read them most days. I find them vaguely amusing about 60% of the time and laugh out loud amusing about 2% of the time.

Today’s comic, and the associated diatribe about the way old people handle stories about young people and technology made me laugh. The story it’s responding to is this one about a young guy who used an updated Facebook status as an alibi. You can’t get that from the comic…

But the associated editorial spells it all out…

But as that article goes on, it slides deep into “oh man OLD PEOPLE STEREOTYPES” territory. Joseph Pollini, who otherwise sounds awesome because he lists “hostage negotiation” as his primary area of expertise, says that teenage HACKERS could have posted that pancake-centric Facebook update to Rodney’s profile while posing as Rodney at his home computer, while Rodney was actually out busy robbing at the time – which, you know, is possible? But it’s not very likely, and it takes some knowledge. No problem, says Joseph! Teenagers are really good at internet, because “they use it all the time”. “They [teenagers!] could develop an alibi. They watch television, the movies, there is a multitude of reasons why someone of that age would have the knowledge to do a crime like that.”

ABC Radio up here in Townsville has an amusing weekly segment with a local lady in her twilight year (how do you say “old” in a politically correct manner?). Last night she was talking about kids and their fat thumbs that come from an insatiable desire to play the latest greatest games.

I think future children are going to be playing the games their fathers give them. The old old generation miss the point that the new old generation embrace technology the same way the new new generation do. Though I suppose there’s a difference between the way even my youngest sister approaches technology and the way I do.

Mark Driscoll, when he was in Australia, made a comment about faith – one generation wholly owns it, the next accepts (or assumes) it, and the next denies it. I think technology works in reverse.

Let us, for a moment, take a look at my family as a case study…

My dad was a classic early adopter. He was an electrical engineer which put him at the front of the curve when it came to developing computer technology. So far at the front of the curve that he wrote a book about one of the first computers. This, through a variety of circumstances detailed in that link, led to a lifetime of early adopting. His generation (and to be kind, the one before it) built the computer industry.

This in turn meant that I grew up experiencing a heap of new computer products and games. I think I wrote my first assignment using the Internet (CompuServe) in 1994. It was about Rwanda. It was, on reflection, possibly the best assignment I ever wrote (except maybe for the self help guide to writing self help books).  I like technology. I use technology. I find technology incredibly useful. I think, though this hasn’t really been tested, I could function without it.

My generation benefited greatly from the work of the generation previously – and many of us (not me) are now internet millionaires and billionaires because we missed the first dot com boom and caught the second. We are also a generation of hackers and pirates who believe technology should work for us, not us for it.

Meanwhile the next generation down couldn’t really live without it. Lets take little sister number three as an example. I suspect if I stole her mobile phones (that’s right, plural) she’d go into meltdown. She can correct me if I’m wrong.

Her generation have grown up immersed in technology – some of them have one mobile phone with a bunch of different SIM cards based on who they want to call on free deals. They have adopted a new, and very stupid language where words substitute numbers for letters and acronyms and initialisms flourish.

I’m friends with some of her friends on Facebook. And they’re all like “OMG, OMG!!! I’d totally die without my phone? I totes* need to update my Facebook Status with every meaningless thought” and “where’s my pancakes?”… though that’s sans punctuation including apostrophes. Because they don’t know how to use them.

Her generation, well, they write viruses that carry popular internet pranks onto the phone handsets of many of my generation’s geeks. Those people running around with unlocked iPhones.

I don’t know if there’s a point to this diatribe. Except perhaps to highlight how silly it sounds when any generation talks about the next generation without completely understanding where they’re coming from. People older than me didn’t grow up with computers – though they design the computers and the software that I like to play with… To bring in another topic altogether, this is like music. Young people think anyone about ten years older than them must be out of touch with their music and what’s cool – and yet they’re all listening (with the exception of Jonas Brothers fans) to music made by people ten years older than them.

I think it’s sad when people my age are excited by the prospect of seeing Britney Spears (who’s two years older than me) in concert. Don’t they realise she’s just a vacuous example of our generation? Why aren’t they listening to Radiohead or someone respectable.

The other area this whole generation gap expresses itself in is fashion. I want to know if I’m going to suddenly start dressing like an old person – or if what I wear now, or what others of my generation wear now, will suddenly become old person clothing at some point. I can’t wait for vintage vintage T-Shirts to be the clothing of choice for vintage people. As someone who grew up wanting to find grandpa shirts in op-shops I sense some sort of irony in people buying the t-shirts I wear now in op-shops in twenty years. All in a bid to be cool and authentic.

That is all.

*Totes is an actual quote from several of the next generation’s statuses. It’s a dumb word. It means totally. This is the generation gap at work people.

Top five rules for blogging: #3 write lists

Here are all five tips, and here’s my post on the first one, and here’s the second one.

I think this post is perhaps best expressed in list form… here’s a list I wrote some time ago about why I write lists, and another almost identical post that in turn is almost identical to this one.

And here’s why you should write them if you want your blog to keep going.

  1. Lists are quick and easy. They’re good for keeping momentum. If in doubt write a list.
  2. Lists kill writer’s block.
  3. Lists encourage discussion – nobody ever agrees with what you’ve included or the order in which you include it.
  4. Lists are linkbait – they get shared. My most amazing day of traffic ever came from a list.
  5. Lists allow you to share unfinished ideas in batches.
  6. Lists force you to structure your thoughts in a succinct manner. They’re good for the reader as well. I’ll read lists that come through my RSS feeds every time. They offer a good return on reader investment.

Top five rules for blogging: #2 don’t blog for comments

Here are all five tips, and here’s my post on the first one.

Comments are great. All bloggers love comments. They make us feel special. Almost as special as a link. Depending on your blog love language (which Simone posted about back in January).

Comments indicate reader engagement. Comments – even negative ones – show that someone cares enough about your ideas to respond.

But if you hang your blogging hat on the number of comments you get – and make a decision to continue, or not to continue, on that basis – then you’re bound for disappointment. People don’t like to comment. I read about 300 blogs, I comment on a handful. I should comment on more – knowing as I do that people like getting comments.

Comments are not a measure of quality. They’re not a measure of how much your post is appreciated. They’re not really a measure of anything except how good you are at annoying people or how cleverly you hook your readers.

Because I like awesome scientific analysis I’ll repost this graph I made a while back.

And further analysis – I mentioned how bad my blog was when I first started the other day (prompting some people to head back to the archives). It was really bad. Terrible. And yet I scored more comments per post in those days by a long shot.

If you’re going to blog for any measurable outcome regular visitors and subscribers. Or blog for google keywords so that you can attract random visitors who might subscribe.

Blogging for comments is a thankless exercise.

Harnessing your blogdom for the power of awesomeness

Jon Acuff at Stuff Christians Like has turned a good idea into a book deal, notoriety, and one of the Christian blogosphere’s most popular blogs.

This week he’s turned his blog into a money raising powerhouse – securing $30,000 in donations for a new Vietnamese orphanage in about 18 hours.

That’s pretty awesome.

Abraham Piper helped out with an interview – and has announced that this week he’ll be focused on raising money for worthy causesstarting with child sponsorship.

I like these ideas. So much that I’m setting up a Tear Really Useful Gift Shop as an experiment. I’d like to buy goats and cows for villages  in the hope that they’ll be called Eutychus.

Click here to buy a really useful gift. Prices start at $5 for fish farms. I don’t expect anyone to buy a cow for $300. But it’s an animal, so I included it in the store – along with some vegetarian options.

If you want to donate part of a cow let me know in the comments.

How to make your powerpoints less boring

  1. Don’t use Powerpoint.
  2. If you must use Powerpoint don’t use dot points.
  3. If you must use dot points don’t put them all on one slide.
  4. If you must put them all on one slide – don’t read them verbatim.

Seriously though. Powerpoint slides have been scientifically proven to be better with less information rather than more…

Here’s the test they ran…

Students were randomly assigned to two groups. One group attended a presentation with traditional bullet-point slides (with the occasional diagram) and the second group attended a presentation with what Chris calls “sparse slides”, which contained the same diagrams, but minimized the amount of text, and broke up the information over several different slides. Both presentations were accompanied by the same spoken narrative.

They were tested using multiple choice questions and then short essays – the multiple choice tests showed no major differences between the groups. The essays on the other hand…

“Before marking the short essay answers, Chris worked with two independent people to identify the themes of information in the presentation. They identified around 30 themes by consensus. The short essay answers were then marked by counting how many of those themes the students wrote about.”

Now that you’re convinced on the science here are the tips from the study.

  1. Limit what you cover in a presentation. Your audience has limited capacity to take it in.
  2. Design your slides so that they can be processed quickly by the visual cortex, allowing the language areas to focus on what you’re saying. This means using more pictures and as few words as you think you can get away with.
  3. Only put on your slides things you want the audience to focus on.
  4. Split information between slides rather than having it all on one slide.
  5. Show a picture that the audience has difficulty relating to what you’re saying. Either ask them to guess the relationship, or explain the relationship to them.

A beginner’s guide to bad writing

There are millions of tips for good writing online – but what if you want to be the next Dan Brown?

You need bad writing tips – and this website is here to help – replete with sample passages.

Here are my favourite tips – click the link for the posts (including samples)…

  1. Replace concrete nouns with abstract ones
  2. Always use a thesaurus
  3. Describe every character in minute detail, taking no account of narrative pacing
  4. Use as many adjectives as you can
  5. Create subplots which bear no relation to the main story

If you invert the tips you also get a pretty good guide to good writing.

100 Rules for Service

CafeDave posted a link to the first half of this series the other day.

The next half is up.

Here are my favourites.

  1. Do not let anyone enter the restaurant without a warm greeting.
  2. Do not lead the witness with, “Bottled water or just tap?” Both are fine. Remain neutral.
  3. Do not hustle the lobsters. That is, do not say, “We only have two lobsters left.” Even if there are only two lobsters left.
  4. Never say “I don’t know” to any question without following with, “I’ll find out.”
  5. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass.
  6. Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong.
  7. If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, the vintner, the importer, etc.
  8. Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them.
  9. Never remove a plate full of food without asking what went wrong. Obviously, something went wrong.
  10. Never mention the tip, unless asked.
  11. Never say, “Good choice,” implying that other choices are bad.
  12. Never reek from perfume or cigarettes. People want to smell the food and beverage.
  13. Never patronize a guest who has a complaint or suggestion; listen, take it seriously, address it.
  14. Never play a radio station with commercials or news or talking of any kind.
  15. Do not play an entire CD of any artist. If someone doesn’t like Frightened Rabbit or Michael Bublé, you have just ruined a meal.
  16. If a guest goes gaga over a particular dish, get the recipe for him or her.
  17. Do not wear too much makeup or jewelry. You know you have too much jewelry when it jingles and/or draws comments.
  18. Do not race around the dining room as if there is a fire in the kitchen or a medical emergency. (Unless there is a fire in the kitchen or a medical emergency.)
  19. Do not ignore a table because it is not your table. Stop, look, listen, lend a hand. (Whether tips are pooled or not.)
  20. Do not show frustration. Your only mission is to serve. Be patient. It is not easy.

Most of the principles underlying these 20 tips (and many of the others) are easily transferable to any career or service – and can be applied to the way we treat guests at home, or at church.

Mikey has a good post about good dining manners that’s a useful addition to this one.

Top Five Rules for blogging: #1 Keep it regular

Yesterday I posted a list of my top five rules for blogging.

Mikey posted a response on Christian Reflections – and a comment – reminding me of the cardinal rule of blogging (that I missed). Link to other people. Regularly.  I like that rule. There will now be six posts in this series. Starting with this one…

Rule One – Blog Regularly

If you want your blog to last past the first week you need to have a plan to go past the first week.

Figure out a scope of topics you want to talk about. Come up with a regular feature. Do whatever it takes to have a steady stream of content – but in my experience most would be bloggers start up with big dreams and fall over after the second post.

The best way not to do this is to just post for the sake of posting until you develop a rhythm. Blogging is all about momentum. Momentum doesn’t build itself. The physical definition of the concept is that momentum is mass multiplied by velocity. You can’t generate blogging momentum without content posted regularly.

Readers won’t stick around if you don’t post often. Your friends might. But unless they subscribe straight away they’ll probably forget about you.

You need to be prepared to publish half polished thoughts and let your commenters do some work – if you can get commenters (but that’s rule two). That’s the beauty of the medium. Don’t see blogging as a place to share essays. It can be. But the pressure will kill you and keep you from posting.

Too much of a good thing

After sales follow up is really nice. I like when a company cares.

I would, however, limit this after sales service to one form of contact in the first week – and then perhaps a follow up call a few months down the track.

A phone call, an SMS and an email is probably overkill.

It’s as true for churches as it is for mechanics (and guys chasing a second date).

Don’t be too nice, or too keen to see me again. You’ll only freak me out.