Category: Communication

Flying off the handle

Did you see it? Obama. Killed. A. Fly. With his bare hands. My hatred for flies is well documented. And now, when I’m home for Christmas, I’ll be able to use the presidential defense when I swat a fly with my hands…

More significantly – Obama is a ninja. Check it out.

This little piece of karate awesomeness (sans chopsticks) has earned Obama the ire of PETA. As if he didn’t have enough to worry about.

PETA’s blog – called the “PETA Files” (as if we needed any more evidence that they’re a massive joke foisted on us by the ultra right) – loudly condemned the President – and the story has received global attention.

They’re sending him one of these awful fly catchers – who needs one of these when you have such awesome ninja skills.

“Simply place Katcha Bug over the bug and slowly slide its plastic trapdoor shut. The bug will step onto the trapdoor as it closes, and you can carry Katcha Bug outside, where all you need to do is slide the trap door open, allowing the bug to walk away. “

Here’s what PETA said – it’s a bit of a beat up – but still, it’s worth learning that if you want to be taken seriously you need to pick your battles.

“Believe it or not, we’ve actually been contacted by multiple media outlets wanting to know PETA’s official response to the executive insect execution,” a blog on the group’s website explained. “In a nutshell, our position is this: He isn’t the Buddha, he’s a human being, and human beings have a long way to go before they think before they act.”

I’m Pressed*

For anyone looking to get some media coverage through the power of PR (and not willing to pay me big bucks to do it – my Google Profile says I’m a PR Specialist) I endorse most of the content in this article.

“Omit needless words. Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.”

*Weakest heading ever.

Disagreeable spam

My awesome comment spam filter protects me (and you dear reader) from all sorts of online nastiness. Ads for drugs, the opportunity to lose weight quickly, and naked celebrities (sadly that phrase will probably produce a boost in hits – if you’re one of the people who arrived here googling “Naked Celebrities” then please visit your local church – or read this Mark Driscoll eBook). A lot of spam is encouraging and supportive. The spammer tells me they’ll be back regularly – and they often are. But some spam is just down right mean. Like this guy, Anthony Dip, who disagrees with me…

“In my opinion you are not right. Let’s discuss it. Write to me in PM, we will communicate.”

Strangely his disagreement was with the hard copy Wikipedia post, which was factual and almost completely sans editorial.

PETA become PETDA

Ahh, PETA, you’ve outdone yourselves.

PETA continue to get great media coverage for being the dumbest group of activists around. It’s like they sat in a strategy meetings and decided that the only way to get people to take them seriously was to act like idiots.

Pike Place Fish at the Seattle Fish Markets is famous for flying fish – there’s a customer service training course that has become a global phenomenon because one day some of the workers there decided to improve life working with stinky fish by flinging them around.

According to PETA this is a no-no. Throwing dead fish around is undignified. Especially at a conference for vets (which raised the PETA hackles on the issue).

“Killing animals so you can toss their bodies around for amusement is just twisted,” said Ashley Byrne, senior campaigner for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals in Washington, D.C.

“And it particularly sends a terrible message to the public when vets call it fun to toss around the corpses of animals. If anyone should be promoting compassion and not callousness toward animals, it should be vets.”

Update: Sorry, I should have pointed out that PETA is objecting to having “sea kittens” (their attempted rebranding of aquatic life) tossed around.

Unserendipitous

Serendipity is a lucky coincidence, or making an accidentally fortunate decision. This must be the personification of its antithesis.

Woman who missed Flight 447 is killed in car crash.

“An Italian woman who arrived late for the Air France plane flight that crashed in the Atlantic last week has been killed in a car accident, it has been reported.”

Bugger.

The magic of Twitter

I suspect I’m starting to understand the utility value of Twitter. Here’s an update on the Slayer Espresso Machine that I’m so excited about – straight from the designer’s mouth…

Shark attacks continue

More bad news at the Sharks. This time about some “creative” accounting.

“The then chief executive Tony Zappia initially told the community relations officer, Jenny Hall, the money was to offset her salary and enable her to go out into the community and attract more sponsorships that reflected well on the club. Hall vehemently objected to that suggestion. She believed the money was specifically for the Guide Dogs NSW and should immediately, and in full, be passed on to it.”

If there’s a lesson to be learned (other than “don’t do the wrong thing”) for CEOs from this situation it’s this: If you’re going to punch a staff member don’t punch a PR worker…

Or perhaps – make sure every PR related employee who knows about your dirty laundry leaves on good terms.

The Church of Google

A while back I mindlessly speculated that Google was just like God. At least there were certain similarities. I was trying to find an appropriate analogy for talking to geeks. Who incidentally, in my latest piece of theorising, are probably statistically more likely to be atheists despite a love for science fiction*.

Anyway, it seems there’s actually an atheist movement running round calling themselves “the church of Google” suggesting that Google is indeed the closest thing to God (Note: google chrome reckons this site is dodgy, and has blocked it (and search results it appears in on my site) so I’ve killed what was a link, and you’ll have to google it for yourself),.

Sadly, there is a page dedicated to “hate mail” filled with irate Christians. Like this guy.

“I’m sorry, but I must not only completely disagree with your little Googlism idea, but i must also call it insanely retarded. For one large reason, it was man-made. Not to say than any other g0d is not man-made, but as much as we are sure google exists and g0d does not, we are also sure google is a search engine not only made by two guys, but there is no opposition to the thought that it wasnt, where as to g0ds of any nature, are not man-made, but more on control/lead man. Another reason, the only thing google is made for, is to give information. Google has not created the world, man created google. To say google is g0d not only does make sense, but it has to be one of the most retarded things i have ever heard.”

*Based solely on the number of pro-atheism articles submitted and voted for on geek cesspools like Reddit, Digg, and StumbleUpon.

Tickle me Elmo?

I don’t normally get excited about Chinglish. It seems vaguely racist to laugh at another country’s attempts to come to grips with a literally foreign language.

But I couldn’t resist this

Seeing a cute furry thing with that written on the box reminds me a little bit of our family’s pet kitten – Cadbury. I was a cat person for about four months*. Until Cadbury met an untimely demise due to a windblown pot plant… to cut a long story short it crapped all over little sister number 2’s arm.

Just one of those stories I’ve always wanted to put on my blog but never had a pretext for… until now.

* I have no real recollection of how long we had the cat for – but it was most traumatic when he/she/it died. We even had a day off school.

How to sell a dodgy washing machine

So you’ve got a monstrous washing machine sitting in your laundry and it’s time for an upgrade. Landfill is so last millennium so you should probably just sell it online…


The best way to do this is to follow this guy’s lead

Honesty is always the best policy…

“On heavy duty spin cycle it sort of sounds a bit like the tortured howls of 1000 undead writhing in the sulphury pits of hell mixed with a train with carriages full of scrap iron sliding down the road with no wheels, on fire, into a bell factory.”
Thankfully it’s bite is not as bad as it’s bark. It washes fine, completes cycles, does everything it’s supposed to.
It leaks a bit when it’s running, always has.
Its a bit grubby, could do with a wipe down, I refuse to touch it because I’m still getting over the whole dinosaur scare thing.

Dinosaur scare thing – I forgot to mention that – if honesty fails, introduce dinosaurs…

“Once while washing a load of towells it got a bit out of balance and it got so out of control for a minute that I swear I actually saw a porthole to another dimension open above it just for a second, there were dinosaurs on the otherside and they looked scared too, it almost sucked me in but I held onto for my life to the deepfreeze.”

“I drew a picture of the dinosaurs i saw incase people didn’t believe me, they are partly red because my green felt ran out half way through.”

And again, if that fails, suggest upgrade options – it’s a renovator’s dream…

“I think it would be good to paint it matt black and put steel spikes all over it and draw demons on the front, however I have added an image of another possible customization option for people who like horses.”

I don’t know what the regular market for second hand top loader washing machines in New Zealand is – but this one’s going for more than $800.

20 creativity insights from the brain behind the “best job in the world” campaign

Today I had the pleasure of enjoying lunch with an advertising “guru” – he doesn’t like that term –  so lets call him a leading marketing executive – the CEO of CumminsNitro – Sean Cummins.

He’s the man behind Virgin Blue’s marketing (and indeed their “brand”), the Tourism Queensland Best Job in the World Campaign and other interesting things.

He spoke for four hours in two functions today and I’m going to try to focus on the interesting bits. Things that may be beneficial if you’re thinking about marketing, branding or strategy… I know that lists are great blog fodder – so here we go… (this is basically my notes from the functions). These are in chronological order not order of significance – but I think the most important idea for me was that creativity is not airy fairy – it’s a discipline. Then, shortly behind, was the idea that “genius comes from the prolific” which actually came from Einstein.

  1. There are a whole lot of ads out there shot exactly the same way – and he gave an example of “weird stuff happening on streets” from gerbils in running wheels to walking ATMS – he put together a two minute clip of bits from all these ads in a seamless montage. Finding a point of difference includes the style of your campaign – not just the substance of your product.
  2. We are in the throes of the greatest change in advertising ever – so much so that the man at the helm of one of Australia’s most highly regarded companies told a small business that asked a question to think hard before advertising. Ask if you need to advertise at all.
  3. There’s an old quote from a guy from Proctor and Gamble that says “I know 50% of my marketing works, I just don’t know which half.”
  4. Advertising has traditionally focused on a “push” philosophy where the seller “pushes” their messages onto the buyer – social networking and the changing community mentality means that it’s moved to a “pull” model where people choose what brands to hold dear and pull them to themselves.
  5. The concept of your branding being your logo essentially died when Nike became known for sweatshops –  your brand is what you’re known for, not your recognisable logo. Your brand is more than your logo – it is perhaps best defined as your “aura”.
  6. “The last bastion of the creative scoundrel is to change your logo”…
  7. Being successful in understanding markets and selling products means being an investigative journalist and researching trends and vibes rather than capturing a fleeting moment of creativity and hoping it resonates.
  8. Test things with focus groups – have people who will give you blunt, realistic feedback.
  9. Don’t sell anything off a negative. Find a positive. Don’t sell the reef on the basis that the reef might one day not be here – it opens up an in for lobby groups and the competition.
  10. Paul Hogan once captured the consumer’s intention best (and the way to sell things) when he said you don’t invite people to your house to see the furniture. People are after authentic experiences and interactions – not an icon or postcard perfect photo.
  11. When you’re selling something strategy is more important than substance – you don’t come to a client with an idea for an ad but a strategy.
  12. Sometimes tighter deadlines produce tighter results – “give me an hour and I’ll produce a more pithy campaign than if I’m given a month”…
  13. If a proposition or proposal has the word and in it it’s not single minded.
  14. Twittering is like sponsored stalking.
  15. The movie Australia was an artifice – with no buy in for tourism whatsoever – tacking a $60 million campaign on the end was a gross error in judgment.
  16. Sometimes we need to stop making sense and start acting on ideas to see how far they can go.
  17. Develop a creative habit – or a methodology and discipline for creativity. Figure out how and where you best come up with ideas. Where do you think your clearest. Don’t keep a notepad by your bed (unless writing down your spontaneous ideas helps you get to sleep). Dreams are not when we are at our most lucid. Set a rigid routine around your creativity.
  18. Einstein said “genius comes from the prolific” the more of something you do the more likely you are to get better at it and produce a flash of brilliance. Songwriters may write their biggest hit in five minutes but it will take a lifetime of discipline to produce the ability to do so.
  19. When you’re communicating an idea try to find a one word summary. Consider how you’d explain it when grabbing an innocent bystander on the street – the longer you take the more freaked out they become.
  20. For complex ideas write the concept out in full and then prune. Remove the unnecessary fluff until you’re left with your substance. Follow the epithet “say it straight then say it great” in order to ensure you’re communicating the essence of your idea.

Illogical Logos

Some logos are bad. Others are terribad – a combination of terrible badness. Here’s a site dedicated to logos falling into a category beyond terribad…

Like this one.

Seriously people, don’t just throw something together using clip art, pay a graphic designer.

The fine art of persuasion

Lets face it – for all intents and purposes any piece of communication is an exercise in persuasion. If it’s not you shouldn’t bother. So no doubt there’ll be something useful in these “50 Scientifically proven ways to be persuasive“…

Here are some samples:

Rhyming makes the phrases more convincing. People were asked to evaluate the practical value of parables “Caution and measure will win you treasure” and “Caution and measure will win you riches”. In general proverb A was considered to be more practical and insightful than proverb B.

Caffeine increases the argumentativeness of a strong argument. Group A drank regular orange juice, group B drank orange juice infused with caffeine. Both groups were then presented with a statement on controversial issue. Except one statement then made weak and hasty arguments, while the second statement made a strong case. Both groups equally dismissed the weak argument case. As far as strongly argumentative case, group B was 30% more receptive. A faster-working brain under the influence of caffeine seems to appreciate good arguments.

WWJS

Some churches just don’t get it. Particularly American churches – or at least in the case of the American churches I’m about to write about…

Just over a week ago a prominent late term abortionist was shot while attending his church. Those who are anti-abortion will no doubt not be grieving this loss as much as others – but most churches have been quick to condemn the killing (or at least to distance themselves from it).

Not these two…

The first, a church in Kentucky, is having an “open carry celebration day” – they want parishioners to bring their guns to church. Here’s what their “pastor” Ken Pagano has to say:

“As a Christian pastor I believe that without a deep-seeded belief in God and firearms that this country would not be here.”

Speaking about those objecting to his planned celebration he said:

“I understand their concerns and I applaud them for their expression because the whole point of this is to promote the First and Second Amendments.”

While he may not have made the link to the shooting directly – the journalist did – a link from the story’s intro takes you to the story about the killing.

Then there are those that have glorified in the killing…

I’m sure this is not the sort of commentary the church should be making about current events… nor the kind of mission Jesus gave us in the great commission.

But I propose, in order to take money out of the hands of these dangerous people, that we launch a range of Christian merchandise in the WWJS line – who/what would Jesus shoot… the money raised can be redirected to appropriate organisations like the Red Cross.

Where there’s fire, there’s smoke

One of my old QUT lecturers reckons the Gordon Ramsay v Tracy Grimshaw feud is either a set up or being exploited by Channel Nine. I’m not so sure – but it could just be a smoke and mirrors ratings grab… he makes an interesting case.

Dr Jason Sternberg, a media lecturer at QUT, said with A Current Affair and Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares both being Channel Nine programs, it was possible the whole controversy had been set up in advance.

“A cynic would suggest it was contrived, that there are some pretty clever PR people out there,” Dr Sternberg said.

“And you’re dealing with A Current Affair, so it’s safe to be cynical. They are the masters of underhanded and dirty tactics.

“I would not be surprised (if it was), but there’s no evidence to suggest that.”